Imperial Die: Roll for Power

[Ailedhoo]

I am going to add a 12 hour extension due to personal internet problems, plus I am a bit tired at the moment so it best to do a update when I am awaken.

 

[Terran Empress]

1. Invade Bolivia
2. Create a counter terrorist group to hunt down and end the Crusader's reign of terror over Brazil
3. Send an emissary and missionary to Chile, give them support, and help fund their government. Become a friend to Chile and attempt to convert them to Islam

 

[Ailedhoo]

May as well install the lock; will get cracking on a update.

 

[Ailedhoo]

Chapter Three: Fear and Loathing from the Caribbean

Link to video.
"Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction." Bob Marley​

Swedish State orders:

1. State Councillor Miguel Angel Sosa Vasquez personally leads a diplomatic mission to Queensland where he thoroughly points out why the 666 world order depends on Queensland taking part in the Swedish State's Immigrant Resettlement Program so that freedom, equality, justice, peace and happiness can prevail. (Diplomatically annex Queensland.)

2. A broad health initiative aimed at improving both the physical and mental well-being of Swedish State residents is launched by the Health Department to combat the recent drop in healthiness and sanity.

3. Under Swedish State law an aircraft vessel's staff may not contain more than one chef, and said chef is not allowed to be flying the plane. This has led to an unusual trial where the Swedish State Supreme Court ruled the airline operations run by the Swedish Chef to be unconstitutional. His airline company is to be seized by the state and he will be fined to pay 80.4 million SEK (~10 million dollars) for damages. The court ruling also stated that the Swedish Chef and all of his cookery students are to be immediately and eternally banned from working in the airline industry and put on a no fly list. Swedish media speculates that this might finally bring an end to the ongoing airline crisis unless the Swedish Chef's team of lawyers have another trick in their bag.

1) 10(10): Queensland’s stubborn populace views your diplomat as an invader and force the diplomat to return to Western Australia.

2) 14: you hire local Australian doctors to help cure poisons from the local wildlife, while the Health Department’s investment in psychological care have boosted the mental wellbeing of your populace. [+1 sanity, +1 healthiness]

3) 7 (8): though your lawyers used your diplomatic bonus to make a good case the ruling ends in a deadlock after the Swedish Chef called in character witnesses; Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy, Gonzo and others have been flown in from America (using a Nortonian airline) to help defend their friend. Furthermore, the Swedish Chef’s lawyer proclaims that Swedish State law does not cover certain commercial employments within the airline industry, though your own legal team suggest this is court filibustering. Whatever the case the Chef’s speech on why the Swedish law does not cover chefs flying planes end up going over the session time slot; this was after the judge ruled that the lawyer should just get to the point. The Court will be session again next turn.

Orders:[/B]
1: It turns out that under the original Constitution of the Empire of Law, Palestine is a part of it. It doesn't matter that they've had nothing to do with us and have been peacefully running themselves- the Constitution says they are, so they are! Let's hope that Palestine buys that logic.

(Peacefully annex Palestine)

2: Apparently the Moroccan Constitution has the constitutional test that "free will" is the test to decide who has the right to vote and who doesn't. But in our scientific age, we know that free will is a myth! Well, that's un-Islamic but the Foreign Office does anyway. Hence, there would be nothing wrong with the Moroccan President peacefully declaring himself President for life because nobody can actually vote and allowing War Office troops in to enforce this.

(Peacefully annex Morocco in all but name)

3: From what we've heard, the Arabian Constitution defines a legal "Act of Allah" as "something which no man can reasonably foresee", and says that no man can be penalized civilly or criminally for an Act of Allah. Since the law is so complicated, nobody can reasonably foresee it therefore the entire Arabian Law is null and void! Since the whole area is thus in anarchy, there would be nothing wrong with submitting to us.

(Peacefully annex Arabia)

1) 6(9): Palestinian lawyers do not buy your argument, saying the Constitution does not apply to modern day Palestine. You end up in an argument that results in a deadlock.

2) 4 (8): a philosopher of law from Cadi Ayyad University defended the Moroccan claimant to independence, arguing that free will is existent as proven by the fact you chose to peacefully annex instead of conquering by force. Your claimant to the president has failed and your diplomat was peacefully escorted out by troopers.

3) 8 (11): at first it appeared another dreaded deadlock was to occur when an imam tried to explain that complexity does not equate a void argument. Unfortunately for you’re the imam your diplomat’s usage of poetic language convinced the sheiks to bow before your dominion; perhaps they have been convinced or know which way the wind is blowing. Arabia is now under the Law.

1. Send Dante to invade Taurus
2. Hire a Julius Caesar Impersonator to pretend to be Vladimir Lenin
3. Peacefully annex FALSE ROME FALSE ROME THE IMPOSTER STATE Anatolia

1)10(12): though the defenders of Taurus proved hearty and strong willed the military genius of Dante proved too much; he first took over Cyprus as a staging ground, then para-drop Italian commandos deep into Taurus. With the aid of the commandos Italian landing forces secured the province.

2)11: you have now a Julius Caesar Impersonator Impersonating Vladimir Lenin or JCIIV. [+Julius Caesar Impersonator Impersonating Vladimir Lenin; the GM has no idea what you plan with this figure]

3)15(16): your diplomats convinced the Turkish communities to join your kingdom, as well as help convince the mad “emperor” of Byzantium Constantinople Istanbul to concede to your royal law. As your forces arrive to serve as police for the new member of your kingdom they come across the remains of a Basil class aircraft carrier embarked on the Turkish coast; they savaged it for potential military R&D usage. Anyway you have gained prestige for controlling both the original and second better fake Rome. [+1 research roll, +1 prestige]

1. Get the GM jacked on coked up rum.
2. Buy Venezuela with coke money. (Annex Venezuela)
3. Get Dixie drunk enough for scurvy pirates to take over. (Annex Dixie)

1)13: the GM, hic, is jacked up and, hic, is, hic, very jolly, hic, and… wow… hic! [the next turns rolls may bring odder results for all players’ actions thanks to the coked up rum]

2)7: The Venezuelans refuse to take the money, their warriors are investing their time instead in building coastal defenses and teaching fishermen how to use bazookas. [-1 expansion to Venezuela]

3) 19: the militias of Dixie ended up so drunk they mistook the pirates for NRA spokesmen and helped the pirates in conquering Dixie. Now you have Dixie and an army of drunk rednecks, controlled by the means of alcohol; take advantage of their initial frenzy. Your attack has also boosted the rum industry, resulting in a new spice rum mega brewery being developed in Cuba. The whole operation has made you famous. [+1 attack against southern USA provinces, +1 expansion roll for 2 turns, +spiced rum mega brewery in Cuba, +10 million dollars, +1 prestige]

1. Begin advancing towards Bosnia. Purge the heathens.
2. Attack Serbia. Remove kebab remove turks
3. Launch an amphibious attack on Macedonia, with the aid of our Italian friends

1) 10(12) The Bosnian defense appeared to be too strong for Venice to break, the opposing military successfully fortifying key supply positions. Fortune befell Venice however as a batch of its irregulars managed to sneak pass one of the key Bosnian fortifications, leading to the aided destruction of both fortification and a command post via good usage of dynamite. The invasion ended a success, though it did prove a struggle. You were sadly unable to savage the remains of the fortifications thanks to the good efforts of your dynamite using irregulars. Reports suggest the heathens may have either fled or have gone underground, safe from purging… for now.

2) 20(20) In contrast to Bosnia the invasion of Serbia proved a smooth success; your forces took it so smoothly that the Serbian military had no time to scramble any effective defence. Witnessing your might, the people of Bulgaria have sent a representative issuing they will surrender to you; it appears they not wish to suffer the fate of the others. The victory in Serbia must not be wasted; your forces begin to fortify any and all Balkan provinces. [+1 moral, +1 piety, +1 defence roll for your Balkan provinces, +1 prestige, +Bulgaria surrenders to your forces]

3) 18(20) The invasion of Alexander the Great’s homeland would prove a decisive triumph for the Serene Republic of Venice. The conquest was swift and has bought your name to be witnessed by all. Italian aid was not necessary but a platoon from Greece nevertheless showed to aid; this platoon was guided by a Greek military genius by the name of Xylon Toto. Now with a new general your army is in greater mood to lay out a grand conquest; perhaps the seas should be dominated? [+1 moral, +1 prestige, +1 expansion roll for two turns, +1 roll for invading Meditation aligned provinces, +Xylon Toto; this Greek general will provide +2 to a combat roll he is assigned to]

Orders:

1. Send Taiga to Dr Sougen Jinan to cure her of her Excel spreadsheet disease.
2. Shirou and Archer, two of the best chefs in the Taiga Dojo, will make an extremely large pot of turnip and truffle soup with all the truffles and the giant turnip. They will then feed it to the populace to improve their health and remind them what good food is.
3. Saber will march south with her army to reclaim Kyushu, hopefully she’ll find something to help with our various predicaments down there.

1)19 (20) Good news; Taiga is free from the Excell spreadsheet disease. The curing has contributed to medical science, allowing a potential program to help counter the curse of bad food and bad performance. The experience has made Taiga more reflective, improving her economical understandings. [Taiga is now free of the Excel speech. Additionally, you gain +1 sanity, +1 health, +1 economic roll]

2)1(2) what was meant to be a salvation ended up a disaster; those truffles turned out to have a nasty fungi in them that can survive the boiling process of being made into soup and convert any animal, including human, into a zombie like state. The turnip meanwhile has turned out to be a demon and has left the Dogo, grown colossal size and has begun to terrorize Japanese farmland to get revenge for all the vegetables. Now you have a zombie outbreak and a giant turnip demon; worse the performances and feasting held by Red Saber and Hiusi continue, though Hiusi has thankfully had a reduced workload due to the difficulty in getting ingredients when farms are being trampled on by a devil turnip. [+rampaging turnip demon in Kansai +truffle zombie outbreak in Kansai +Kansai now officially in anarchy thanks to the twin rampages (may have chance to switch into a NPC if the truffles and turnip are not stopped), -1 culture from Red Saber’s continued performances]

3)19(20): Saber’s quest in Kyushu proved peaceful; turned out the militias has had heard of the killing of Godzilla and have decided to disband themselves in awe. During her visit Saber comes across a magician; local proclaim this master of magic could provide the cures needed to help counter Red Saber and Hiusi. Could the mystic help with the truffle plague and turnip demon? [+ 1 prestige, +1 mora, +Shigeru Miyamoto who will provide +2 roll to any cultural, economic or/and magical roll]

1. Use Cure for Dysentery.
2. Send Ms. Muwich to Texas to see if they want to join our empire.
3. In celebration of the success of Operation Lazarus, let us host a Music Festival here in San Francisco.

1)19: the diplomatic core is now cured of dysentery. The cure has entered your health service, whiles your medical commitment has leaded to a new boost to medical research; your healthcare has increased, as well as the numbers of scholars in your court seeking to help further your research. [+3 healthcare, -dysentery, +1 research roll]

2)16(19): Muwich has succeeded in convincing the ruling families of Texas to heed your wisdom and join your empire; J. R. Ewing’s dynasty among them though Muwich has noted he makes her skin crawl with his presence. The securing of Texas has ensured its oil revue into your dominion and provide a potential window to expand into the southern parts of the former USA, though you may have to be quick as pirates have already taken Dixie and Florida whiles God knows what Donald Trump is up to. The main thing is Ted Cruz is (pleasingly) absence from Texas; this fact has filled your populace with joy. [+10m dollars from oil revenue, +Texan oil wells, +prestige, +1 moral, +1 roll to expansion in the south of the former USA]

3)7: ill news my emperor! The festival ended up with a tone deaf country music band! Thankfully we manage to get them off stage before the “music” caused a public health crisis but critics are already noting similarities with the Nation of the Tiger Dojo’s Red Saber. [-1 culture]

1. Invade Midatlantic with 17th Marine Corps and 3d Fleet.
2. Invade Maritimes with 21st Marine Corps and 7th Army Group.
3. Build a pyramid modeled after the pyramids of Egypt in New England as a tourist attraction. Instead of going to Egypt, tourists can see a pyramid in US!

1)8(8): once again the comedians of New York leaded the defense of the Midatlantic and once again they would be victorious against the Presidency. The 3rd fleet was blocked from entering combat tanks to a vast fleet of tourist vessels and the 17th Marine Corp were subjected to a performance of Cats, diverting from a flank from John Oliver’s space gecko. Thankfully your forces manage to avoid a humiliation, as Stephen Colbert was still busy interviewing the stars of your Star Wars films. You may have not the invasion but you had not lost the war; New York could still be yours and those who mocked you will learn their manners.

2)1(2): it was fortune you had luck because it was the only thing that stopped the invasion of Maritimes from turning into a total calamity instead of a critically severe calamity. A communication error conducted by one of the 7th Army Group’s officers resulted in the 21st Marine Corps landing earlier then intended, alerting local Canadian military groups and a Bernie Sanders who had fled Vermont. Your marines were picked off, forced to retreat; the 7th Army Group was forces into a humiliating march back. The victory against you has allowed Sanders to form the Maritimes Union, which could rise as a potential threat; additionally, Canadian militia group are conducting drills in case you decide to continue you try again; thankfully the Maritimes seem to be overly lax after their victory; you could have a chance to invade again before they rise as a potential threat. [The Maritimes Union emerges as a NPC (dark green on map), leaded by the Vermont senator Bernie Sanders. Meanwhile you have -1 expansion into Canada save those under the Maritimes Union. You also suffer -1 moral from feeling the Bern]

3)16(17) you hire a gifted architect to design the pyramid and a building crew to erect the wonder in Maine. Not only have you boosted tourism but also the culture and moral of the United States. The pyramid has inspired a building craze that may allow the USA to expand its vision through construction. [+Pyramid of Maine: this wonder provides +1 culture, +1 moral and 1 economy to whoever controls it. The USA gains +1 building roll]

1. Invade Bolivia
2. Create a counter terrorist group to hunt down and end the Crusader's reign of terror over Brazil
3. Send an emissary and missionary to Chile, give them support, and help fund their government. Become a friend to Chile and attempt to convert them to Islam

1)3(5): a horde of llamas greets your first wave of troops with a monsoon of spit; the entire wave, including a vanguard of Swedish mamluks, scattered with many drowning in a flood of llama spit. Further forces were then harassed greatly by indigenous militias, whiles miners dug great trenches that trick your flanks into falling into them. In the end the invasion was botched; your piety has suffered as the llamas are clearly divine punishments. The awesome power of llama spit has resulted in an increase in llama farming, as those of the Andes realize that llamas could counter caliphate invasions. Perhaps you should have assigned Elee zee-a Brefe to the next invasion of Bolivia? [-1 expansion into provinces with the Andes in them]

2)16: a commission of espionage, military and police services have helped bring forth recruits for a new agency that will help counter terrorism. The Caligate Counter Terrorism Unit (CCTU) is ready to operate against the Templar. In addition, the new security has given you a bonus against enemy acts of espionage. [+2 invasion in Brazilian provinces, gains CCTU which provides +1 roll against enemy espionage against you]

3)19: your diplomat is greeted by an armed escort, who take the emissary to the President of Chile; she greets your diplomat with an open handshake. The Chilean welcomes support, which boosts their economy and their defense, as well as enhance the moral of the Chilean populace. The Chilean government has allowed a imam from your caliphate to do missionary work in Chile, though whether Chile will fully convert will be a wait and see; nevertheless you have started the process. Your action has improved your piety and diplomatic potential. [you gain friendship with Chile, granting them +1 defense roll, 1 economy, 1 moral and 1 piety. Chile is under process of being proselytize. You yourself gain +1 piety, +1 moral, while also gaining +1 diplomacy roll for 2 turns, as well as having Chile as a potential ally (NPC allies will provides extra roll to any operations you ask the NPC o help you with, though this may mean you share the rewards)].

Spoiler map :

Thanks to the, hic, pirates your orders this, hic, turn may bring... odder results, so to say, hic! It is, hic, all... o my man this is wonderful, hic!

Next orders are due for Sunday 20:00 GMT: I will do a, hic, early lock if, hic, you all get your, hic, orders, hic, in, hic!

 

[christos200]

US Elections:

After four years of Donald Trump’s presidency, the US holds Presidential elections. Although admired and supported by the majority of the Republican voters, his military failures have disallowed Trump from running for a second term. Instead, the Republican Party’s candidate will be Ben Carson while the Democrat’s John Williams.

Results:

Republican Party: 51.3%
Democratic Party: 48.7%

The economic growth has allowed the Republicans to win once again, despite the anger over the military defeats.

Orders:

1. The 7th Army Group, 21st and 38th Marine Corps, the 19th Fleet and the 22nd Air Wing shall invade Maritimes. Use overwhelming force and napalms.
2. Begin drilling operation in Iraq to find and make use of oil.
3. Build a life-sized replica of the Parthenon in Maine, so that tourists come to US instead of Greece to see the Parthenon.

American citizens, I thank you for trusting me with the office of President. I shall continue Trump’s policies as his legacy has proved mostly positive. The American economy is growing and thousands new jobs are being created every week. Trump has made America great again. My goal is to make it even greater. We need to take revenge for our military failure and subdue the damn socialists. We shall also continue our cultural program and build a replica of the Parthenon to attract even more tourists to the US. Last but not least, we shall begin oil drilling in Iraq. We liberated them and brought them American culture, so it is only fair that they allow us to steal make use of their oil, right?

 

[Zappericus]

Great Orussia must claim additional land for added greatness of nation.

1. Invade Romania with our endless numbers of penal legions. Orussia needs more land.
2. Invade Caucasus by sending in our vicious VDV household-animal paratrooper divisions. We need access to middle-east for more national resources.
3. Invade Siberia by defeating the stronkest wolf living there, thus asserting our dominance.

XAXAXAXA

 

[dragonprobably]

~~~EMPEROR NORTON'S TELEGRAM TO PRESIDENT CARSON~~~

DEAR DR CARSON STOP

WILL YOU USE THE NEWFANGLED GREAT PYRAMIDS OF MAINE FOR GRAIN STORAGE STOP

SINCERELY EMPEROR NORTON STOP

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~​

(OOC: Since this round will generate weird results, I will try to make my orders as weird as possible.)

The Emperor's Decree Number One:

Send Ms. Muwich to Louisiana. Since Louisiana is a dangerous place, we will take precautions to make sure she doesn't die. First thing first, we will send a small squad of Nortonian Infantry with her. Secondly, in order to fool the local Crocodilia wildlife there, Ms. Muwich will have to wear an Crocodile fursuit so the Crocodiles and Alligators will not attack her. Thirdly, since the Louisianans love crawfish and we want to win them over, the Nortonian Infantry will bring crawfish with, but since we don't want them to be holding onto crawfish instead of their weapons, they will need to store the crawfish in their pants (Peacefully annex Louisiana with Rozene Muwich in a Crocodile fursuit with Nortonian Infantry with crawfish in their pants.)

The Emperor's Decree Number Two:

Let us win over the hearts of the Missourians. There are two things I know Missouri loves: Mark Twain and BBQ. So let us send over diplomats dressed as Mark Twain and have them mention BBQ in every conversation they have. (Peacefully annex Missouri with Mark Twain-impersonating, BBQ-loving diplomats.)

The Emperor's Decree Number Three:

There are two things we the people of San Francisco are known for: Being super gay and being super high. Let us show the people how much we appreciate them by legalizing gay marijuana. (Legalize gay marijuana!)

 

[Gurra09]

The media attention brought on by the trial against the Swedish Chef lead to State Councillor Miguel Angel Sosa Vasquez making a public statement where he criticised the Swedish legal system, arguing for a new one built on Satanic philosophy. No parliamentary action has been taken in this direction yet however, and it is doubted any change will happen anytime soon since only the 666 movement support such drastic reform.

Swedish State orders:

1. The trial against the Swedish Chef must continue and the government's lawyers will keep arguing the same case against him as before.

2. The Immigrant Resettlement Program changes focus to New Guinea as a new frontier for immigration, which would change the focus for Swedish investors from Brisbane to Port Moresby. Swedish State economists believe this could hurt the Queensland economy.

3. The Swedish State feels the Bern and we will lend our support to the Maritimes Union in their struggle against the United States by selling them military equipment for continued defence.

 

[Decamper]

Link to video.

1. Use our $10 million on building a massive Pirate Invasion Rapid All Terrain Expansion Support Hovering Instrument for Pirates (PIRATE SHIP). Build PIRATE SHIP
2. Invade Lousiana with the PIRATE SHIP. Annex Louisiana
3. Flood Missouri in a tidal wave of rum. They'll love it. Annex Missouri

 

[Ailedhoo]

45 hours to go till potential lock.

 

[Novice_Writer54]

In retrospect, I should have stuck with my original plan and started in Texas. I didn't realize it was implied that a portion of our real world country would become fluff for the game.

Also, really rushed right now. Sorry about the crap fluff.

Orders:
1: The Foreign Office has given up on Syria, but Ali Ahmed has a better idea. The Syrian government has been passive for too long. If we persuade them to follow our ideals of a total and uncompromising Law, then they can become strong and great again! The ideology of Law will become even more powerful...

(This isn't annexing Syria. No, really! We want to create a friendly Syrian "Republic of Law", with a similar ideology but really not part of us. More specifically, this makes a buffer against the Greens)

2: The Empire of Law needs to be more Revolutionary- and who's more Revolutionary than mutineers? O.K, that might be a really bad idea but we're doing it anyway! It's time to create a super-naval Coast Guard full of zombie mutineers!

3: Since our regular army is crap, we'll keep going further down the zombie route, resurrecting the ghosts of soldiers from the French Revolution. If we can't have a real army, a zombie army will have to do!

 

[Civ'ed]

1. Research an anti-barbarian ion cannon
2. Annex Catalonia with Dante
3. Get Lenincaesar to annex Portugal with his populist popular worker's plebeian revolution.

 

[NinjaCow64]

I'm not going to be able to RP as much due to me being busy and the regularity of the updates. Sorry about that.

Orders:

1. Shigeru Miyamoto will assist the magi of the Taiga Dojo in devising a massive ritual that will reverse the truffle zombie plague and send the rampaging turnip back to vegetable hell.
2. Saber will continue her quest for things that will help resolve the current crisises by invading Korea.
3. Taiga will break the fourth wall in a typical fashion and bonk the GM on the head in an attempt to get him to sober up. You can't run the universe under the influence, man!

 

[Ailedhoo]

I forgot to place the 24 hour notice last night.

13 hours remaining before deadline.

 

[gay_Aleks]

It is time to reach out and get the Mediterranean! From Marseilles to Seville, we shall rise! Our Greek general will lead the way!

1. Begin the offensive in Provence, by opening with a blast of fuel-air bombs. They should have known when to surrender.
2. Following that, we will continue our conquest towards Barcelona, where will establish our rule.
3. Finally, we shall remove the last remnants of Muslim caliphates in Andalucia! Deus Vult!

 

[Ailedhoo]

It is time to reach out and get the Mediterranean! From Marseilles to Seville, we shall rise! Our Greek general will lead the way!

1. Begin the offensive in Provence, by opening with a blast of fuel-air bombs. They should have known when to surrender.
2. Following that, we will continue our conquest towards Barcelona, where will establish our rule.
3. Finally, we shall remove the last remnants of Muslim caliphates in Andalucia! Deus Vult!

Which operation will Xylon be assigned to?

 

[gay_Aleks]

All of them?

 

[Ailedhoo]

All of them?

I should have lay out; a general can only be assigned to one of your three rolls.

 

[gay_Aleks]

Catalonia, then.

 

[Ailedhoo]

I will install the lock now.

Will release the update tomorrow.