Imperium Offtopicum 3: the quest for Imperium Offtopicum 2

[Mathalamus]

Well, I'm sick and I have to stay home from school today, so I'll write up the timeline now!

should be an interesting read.

727: the Caliphate attacks Byzantium and makes huge gains in the Levant and Mediterranean. Byzantium is now stuck to just Asia Minor and the balkans.

sounds fair actually.

800: the pope seeing how the Byzantines couldn't even handle the Muslims, promptly flips them the bird and instead decides to suck up to Charlemagne.

i knew it. the popes a suckup. well lets see how he acts when he knows that Byzantium did survive and the HRE didn't.

854: Gunpowder is brought to Byzantium by the Chinese, but the conservative army dismisses it as they dislike loud noises.

war is noisy anyway.

925: Using 40,000 men armed with nothing but courage, Byzantium fails to take the Levant from the superior Muslim armies.

also quite fair. integrated to my timeline.

965: a Muslim counter attack is launched and successfully flanks the Byzantium army. This is because of the general anti-Muslim sentiment int he kingdom, nobody ever bothered to learn Arabic. So when they got the letter from the Caliphate, telling them where they should battle, they couldn't read it. They're best interpreters though said that the Muslims wanted to do battle at the Danube. Though the Byzantine generals were confused, they still fortified there. After a day of waiting for the Byzantine troops, the Muslims just went ahead and overran Anatolia. Byzantium looses Western Anatolia.

regardless of anti muslim sentiment they arent that stupid. they didn't have lands in the Danube.

1071: the Turkish peoples, realizing the decline in Byzantine power, come and overrun the Caliphate in Anatolia, proudly proclaiming a new Turkish nation.

sounds good.

1275: The Mongols come in massive hordes, taking all of the new Turkish state, and razed their cities. And because of their special power, all the cities withing 5 tiles automatically surrendered, this included Constantinople. Byzantium becomes a vassal of the Mongols.

this is not civilization, but ill give you that one.

1277: in the largest battle in the known world at the time, over 400 starving people come into downtown Constantinople to fight over the last piece of bread that wasn't given to the mongols.

*Matthew just blinks...*

1278-1361: the Byzantines do a very slow, very tedious and bloody diplomacy, all of which failed. They finally got their independence again when due to sheer luck, the Mongol empire collapsed.

sounds fair. actually ill integrate this.

1453: Serbia revolts and declared its independence from Byzantium, Byzantium, too busy dealing with it's alcoholism and gambling debts, lets them go, so long as they bye them a beer.

did gambling and beer even exist at that time?

1492: Columbus Discovers America. and word soon spread into Byzantium. Byzantium however was unable to follow up do to the fact that it gets seasick.

being seasick hurts.. i suppose your right.

1524: Muslim armies all armed with gunpowder invades and take the rest of Anatolia.

with what exactly? all their cities was razed.

1557: some person located in Nicaea invented the term Byzantium, and everyone booed him because he was a progressive.

right.. i suppose.

1652: after finding a sticky note on his desk, the king of Constantinople decides to colonize. 5 people, after hearing advertisements about how "cool" it is to colonize, move to the colony.

sticky notes wasn't invented by that time. and its good to know the people aren't swept up about hwo cool things are.

1705: the Industrial Revolutuion begins in Britain and soon follow throughout all of Europe. Byzantium dismisses this as a mere "fad".

i suppose it would be a fad at first.

1712: Russo-Byzantine Wars: The Russian bear, intoxicated because of one too many vodkas, stumbles into Byzantium. They fail miserably.

stupid Russians...

1776: American Revolution: the Americans revolt against the British Empire. They employ the smart tactic of avoiding any Byzantine military advice (which included fighting the British army in huge battles), and succeed in forming America.

sometimes you need to fight in large battles to win the war. think about Stalingrad.

1783: the United States is formed, Byzantium has no comment.

of course not. they were all hungover.

1813: In a quick change of mind, Byzantium declares war on France and within a day Constantinople is burned to the ground. Napoleon, out of sheer pity, decides to take nothing from the Byzantines and decides to go back to Europe.

how did they get across the Danube and reach Constantinople in a day? and why would napoleon raze a perfectly good strategic city? anyone with a working neuron can see how strategic the city is.

1861-1865: American civil war: the Confederates attack at Gettysberg and get slaughtered.

brutally slaughtered?

1872: Suddenly, after 7 more years of nothing, one guy comments that it would be nice to have a democracy. He goes to the king and ask politely, and out of sheer boredom he forms a democratic government.

i guess the populous was so bored they just said yeah whatever.

1890: the Emperor dismisses the scramble to Africa as a mere "fad".

...Byzantium didn't take part of the scramble in the first place. why is this here?

1909: In a dick move, Germany and Austria declare war on France. Britain and Russia come to France's aid.

dick move indeed.

1910: because of the much superior army and quick blitzkrieg like tactics, Paris is taken and the war is over. France is forced to pay a large fine for being France. Britan and Russia both sign a peace traty once Paris was taken too.

heh France surrenders. again.

1912: Byzantium, due to the fact that they were so outdated, received news of the Great war between Germany and France two years late. Thinking the war was still going on, Byzantium declared war on Germany.

big oops for Barabas II.

1913: facing the German forces the Byzantines were forced to surrender after seeing how ginormous their army was.

surrender is good. total destruction isnt.

1913-1918: Byzantium tries to break their own record but fails to do so when some guy living in mountains in the Balkans, finds a bear in his refrigerator; thus making something newsworthy.

what a slow 5 year news.

1915: Austria is Hungary and attempts to annex Turkey, it fails.

cause it cant.

1918: Byzantium discovers the "locomotive", and builds a couple rails before taking a coffee break.

i dont like coffee.

1919: After a year long coffee break, the Byzantine give up on the railroad.

they must of drank up so much coffee they cant think.

1920: The Byzantines dismiss the roaring twenties as a mere "fad".

it was a fad. the 30s ruined it.

1924-1931: the Soviet union recaptures the Caucasian Region from some country, some how the Byzantines get involved and live up to their expectations of failing miserably.

russians fail.

1935: the Basil class basil shaker is unveiled in Constantinople, people rejoice as now their pasta tasted a little better.

good pasta is instrumental in spaghetti.

1980: the Byzantine Republic finally defeats their 100 year old record, but in doing so made it something newsworthy, ending their 40 year streak.

Byzantium fails at keeping quiet.

1994: the Byzantine Republic is declared a green nation. And officially changes their color from Grey to Green.

personally i prefer some weird form of purple.

2004: hundreds of Byzantine scientists has announced that they finally found out that there was this magical device called a "computer". The President dismisses this device as a mere "fad".

and Byzantium ceased to exist, cause it sucked too long.

 

[Double A]

Snover is a radish with ice powers. Your argument is inert.

Snover is an anthropomorphic tree with a bad case of mange.

 

[Double A]

did gambling and beer even exist at that time?

Yes. Oh god, yes.

sometimes you need to fight in large battles to win the war. think about Stalingrad.

We had less men who weren't trained and weren't armed as well. Big battle = Picard double facepalm

 

[Omega124]

Snover is an anthropomorphic tree with a bad case of mange.

Me, being the leadin expert on SNoverology in CFC, will point out the fact that Snover is indeed based off the Daikon Radish. Proof

 

[Double A]

Fine.

But still, Grass and Ice are only 1x effective on Gyarados, who CAN learn a 4x effective Fire Blast easily bought at the Department Store.

Also, Dragon Rage and Intimidate.

 

[Omega124]

Fine.

But still, Grass and Ice are only 1x effective on Gyarados, who CAN learn a 4x effective Fire Blast easily bought at the Department Store.

Also, Dragon Rage and Intimidate.

Pokésav. I win forever.

 

[Double A]

I have a level 100 Typlosion in original Gold.

 

[Omega124]

I have 6 Level 100 Feraligatrs in my copy of Gold. I also have 3 Ho-ohs and 2 Lugias on said game.

 

[e350tb]

I have a level 100 Typlosion in original Gold.

Really?

So did I.

 

[Mad Man]

OK it's time for the "LAST" round of picks, what ever isn't picked will turn in to NPCs. China's last claim is for Korea, Angola, Zambia, Thailand, Cambodia, Laos, Viet Nam, Lualaba and Haut-Katanga. Chile is reserved for Double A who called first dibs on the rest of Patagonia, happy hunting.

 

[Mathalamus]

screw Canada. ill take Indonesia, Singapore and Malaysia.

 

[Tee Kay]

I'll take what's left of Western Europe and Canada.

 

[Mad Man]

screw Canada. ill take Indonesia, Singapore and Malaysia.

Singapore is already claimed by India, but you can have Brunei instead if you like.

 

[Tee Kay]

Updated map:

 

[Mathalamus]

Singapore is already claimed by India, but you can have Brunei instead if you like.

uh.. im bad at geography so where is brunei?

 

[Tee Kay]

uh.. im bad at geography so where is brunei?

A city state located in the north of Borneo (which is north of Java, south of China, west of the Phillppines), surrounded on three sides by the Sarawak state of Malaysia, and by the South China Sea to the north. Capital is Bandar Seri Begawan. Most people are Malay and Muslim. One of the few remaining absolute monarchies, whose Sultan is one of the richest man in the world due to Brunei possessing a substantial oil reserve. Formerly a British protectorate but never formally colonized. Think of it as a kind of Kuwait of South East Asia. I already colored it in for you in the map.

 

[Mathalamus]

A city state located in the north of Borneo (which is north of Java, south of China, west of the Phillppines), surrounded on three sides by the Sarawak state of Malaysia, and by the South China Sea to the north. Capital is Bandar Seri Begawan. Most people are Malay and Muslim. One of the few remaining absolute monarchies, whose Sultan is one of the richest man in the world due to Brunei possessing a substantial oil reserve. Formerly a British protectorate but never formally colonized. Think of it as a kind of Kuwait of South East Asia. I already colored it in for you in the map.

oh thank you. needless to say the area has being claimed.

Byzantium will develop the area, and turn it to a first world nation quite similar to Byzantium... but muslim. other states are welcome to invest money to develop the area.

also this is justification enough to increase my military size to 2 million active 3 million reserves and 1 million paramilitary. the navy has being expanded from 95 ships to 250 ships. no new aircraft carriers though.

 

[Joecoolyo]

Spoiler :

should be an interesting read.



sounds fair actually.

800: the pope seeing how the Byzantines couldn't even handle the Muslims, promptly flips them the bird and instead decides to suck up to Charlemagne.

i knew it. the popes a suckup. well lets see how he acts when he knows that Byzantium did survive and the HRE didn't.



war is noisy anyway.



also quite fair. integrated to my timeline.



regardless of anti muslim sentiment they arent that stupid. they didn't have lands in the Danube.



sounds good.



this is not civilization, but ill give you that one.



*Matthew just blinks...*



sounds fair. actually ill integrate this.



did gambling and beer even exist at that time?



being seasick hurts.. i suppose your right.



with what exactly? all their cities was razed.



right.. i suppose.



sticky notes wasn't invented by that time. and its good to know the people aren't swept up about hwo cool things are.



i suppose it would be a fad at first.



stupid Russians...



sometimes you need to fight in large battles to win the war. think about Stalingrad.



of course not. they were all hungover.



how did they get across the Danube and reach Constantinople in a day? and why would napoleon raze a perfectly good strategic city? anyone with a working neuron can see how strategic the city is.



brutally slaughtered?



i guess the populous was so bored they just said yeah whatever.



...Byzantium didn't take part of the scramble in the first place. why is this here?



dick move indeed.



heh France surrenders. again.



big oops for Barabas II.



surrender is good. total destruction isnt.



what a slow 5 year news.


cause it cant.



i dont like coffee.


they must of drank up so much coffee they cant think.



it was a fad. the 30s ruined it.


russians fail.



good pasta is instrumental in spaghetti.



Byzantium fails at keeping quiet.



personally i prefer some weird form of purple.



and Byzantium ceased to exist, cause it sucked too long.

You realize that that entire post was a joke, right?

Anyhoo, I guess I'll claim that on little spot of white just north of mu country in the caucus region. Any other claim would give me not contiguous borders, which I hate.

 

[Tee Kay]

You realize that that entire post was a joke, right?

Anyhoo, I guess I'll claim that on little spot of white just north of mu country in the caucus region. Any other claim would give me not contiguous borders, which I hate.

It has a name. Azerbaijan.

 

[e350tb]

Right, we've got some pretty massive nations going on here.

I'll take what's left of Southern Africa, what's left of North Africa up to (but not including) the Congo, Iceland and New Zealand.

A bit of a stretch, but can I claim the rest of Australia as well?