The History of French Wallachia: A Propaganda Video
A tall, mustachioed man smoking a cigar & carrying a Heckler & Koch MP5 Submachine gun walks into view of the camera. He speaks in a Heavy French accent and has a combat vest covering his torso.
“Hi there, I’m Alexandru Algernon, and I’m here to explain to our younger citizens just how it is we got into this mess.”
The man puffs on his cigar.
“It all started with the Terran Revolution. Those unwashed nation-haters led an uprising against the sovereign states of this Earth, aided by a bunch of 7-foot tall genetically modified freaks called the Ahuizotl. After they seized France proper, the Romanians sent in a team of French-Romanian troops to cause all sorts of ruckus for the traitors.”
“I remember being dropped out of an airplane over occupied France. My team & I roamed the countryside for 5 years, ambushing regiments & blowing up factories. Many attempted to surrender to us, but we weren’t in the prisoner-taking business; we were in the killing Terran business. By 2019, a coalition of Luxembourger, Swiss, & Andorran soldiers had liberated France from the Terran forces. We thought the battle for Western Europe was over.”
The soldier looks nostalgically to the horizon before turning back to camera.
“Then the Maáskab arrived. A bunch of Human-hating aliens from outer space, the Maáskab initially landed in remote areas like the Amazon & the Sahara. Soon, the Maáskab had established bases all over the Mediterranean & Black Sea. France was occupied again, & hundreds of thousands of French Refugees poured into Romania. We fought a guerilla war against the space invaders for almost ten years, and drove them from France & the Black and Mediterranean Seas- well, except for their base in Gibraltar.”
“The European alliance lost nearly four million men kicking the Maáskab off of Gibraltar, and again, we thought that the battle for Western & Southern Europe was won.”
The soldier takes another puff on his cigar, then spits it onto the ground & crushes it beneath his boot.
‘Now imagine our surprise when another race or Human-hating aliens tried to set up colonies on this planet. The Pah, as they are known, set up hives all across the planet. We were gearing up to fight again when some fools over in Moscow decided to use bio-bombs. As death fell from the skies all across the planet & the disease spread like wildfire, the remaining survivors retreated to military bunkers & quarantined cities. Now, we’ve got to fight for what is rightfully ours against a bunch of traitors, genetically modified organisms, super-advanced aliens, & giant bugs from outer space.”
Alexandru Algernon lights another cigar & begins to puff on it.
“So if you ever in a fight for life, limb, & country, you just got to remember one thing: We weren’t in the prisoner-taking business then, and we sure aren’t now. If you’re certain that you’re about to die, well, you better make sure the best your foes get is a Pyrrhic Victory.”