The Strategos
Thanatos
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2002
- Messages
- 1,175
I, Heretic
(Before the Second Battle of Llangynog)
(Before the Second Battle of Llangynog)
I had heard a story once, when I was very young. In this story, a man was condemned by Sol to roll a stone up a hill. However, just as the man was about to reach the top of the hill, the stone would always roll down again, and the man would have to start at the beginning. Each time, the man would do the same thing, set his foot down in the same spot as he had just previously.
That is how I now felt. It is as if I had went out on a long journey, only to find that my destination was the same as my place of departing. There is a sense of helplessness, a sense of despair. A wondering of why I am doing what I am doing, if I am always led to the same place. I think this must be how camp doctors feel, when they labor so hard to save a mans life, only to see him die the very next battle.
Meaningless. Meaningless. All is meaningless.
It seems such a short time ago. I was fighting, at this very spot it seems, fighting with righteous anger against the murder of a Solist clergyman. And not just the murder of any clergyman, but the murder of Lucius, the most honored bishop of Cymru. Now, I am here again. Fighting the same man again. Except this time, I am told that I am fighting against Sol by fighting against a man who has shown that he cares less about a clergymans life than the life of a deer in one of his hunting parks. I am told I am a heretic because I follow the shepherd the Lord-Pontiff has appointed for me, my Lord the Emperor, and that the only way the Church can be purified from my heinous sin is for me to be killed by a Druid.
I dont understand. If I am a Solist heretic, why are the only ones who face me Druids? Why do I hear that my Solist brethren in Cymru are revolting against the bishop-murder? Why do I hear that to the north, in my own country of Iceni, we are under attack by Briganteans, whose name has become synonymous with Druidism? Why are the only ones who see our heresy, our sins against Sol, the enemies of Sol?
I dont understand. I am, I have always been told, a faithful son of the Church. I have killed who the Church has told me to kill, I have obeyed who the Church has told me to obey, I have thought what the Church has told me to think. If I am a heretic, it is because I have followed the Shepherd of the Iceni Church, the Emperor. But who has told me to obey the Emperor? Was it not my Lord-Pontiff, who is over the entire church? But if I obey the Emperor, and the Emperor obeys the Lord-Pontiff, and the Lord-Pontiff obeys Sol, then if I am a heretic, we are all heretics, the entire Church, and not one of us is fit to live.
Meaningless, meaningless, all is meaningless.
It is all meaningless politics. A man who has never met me has declared me a heretic. A man who doesnt hold a position in the Church is telling the Church what it MUST believe. The Lord-Pontiff does not call me a heretic, yet this one has the gall to think he knows better than the Lord-Pontiff. All because he wants a reason to kill me. Politics. It is a curse word. To one such as him, Sol is nothing, the Church is nothing, nothing but a tool that has proven useful. Why dont they drop this pointless charade. It is not about some heresy, if it was, it would have been the Lord-Pontiff who would have called us heretics. So why dont we just leave the Church out of it and admit the real reason, that they fear us, or are jealous of us, or want our land, or whatever the real reason they have attacked us.
But of course, they wont do that. They wont do that, because they dont care about the Church, they dont care that they use the Church like a man would use up a cheap whore. They dont care that they have raped away the purity of the Church with their greed.
But what can I do? I can only kill as I have been commanded. I will kill the Druids before me. I will kill the followers of the Murder. I will kill because the Emperor has told me to kill, and the Lord-Pontiff has told me to obey my Emperor. And as I kill, I will pray that my sins will be washed away in my enemies blood. Sol have mercy on me. Sol have mercy upon us all.