Polyamory

[H4run]

It's a character flaw for God's sake.

No no, not a flaw, it is just who you are, nothing flaw or wrong with that, nothing flaw for being jealous really, and nothing wrong of wanting to add more partner, it is just people different from one and another, some people may not understand another people rational but that doesn't mean their measurement is not valid or flaw just because it is don't add up into our or general population measurement.

Actually jealousy is a sign of love, but the way people roll along with jealousy are different from one and another.

 

[yung.carl.jung]

I don't think jealousy is a sign of love, I think it's a sign of wanting to possess your partner. or not trusting your partner. or thinking your partner will abandon you for someone "better". anyway, I don't think jealousy is inherently bad or unhealthy, it just is, as @haroon says. wouldn't call it a flaw per se. I'm not the jealous type at all, but agree with @Lemon Merchant that having my partner sleep with someone else is a complete no-go.

 

[H4run]

I don't think jealousy is a sign of love, I think it's a sign of wanting to possess your partner. or not trusting your partner. or thinking your partner will abandon you for someone "better". anyway, I don't think jealousy is inherently bad or unhealthy, it just is, as @haroon says. wouldn't call it a flaw per se. I'm not the jealous type at all, but agree with @Lemon Merchant that having my partner sleep with someone else is a complete no-go.

Our perspective of what is monogamy or polyamory are varied, some may view polyamory as multiple commitment, while other like @Tee Kay view it not necessary have to be like that. Actually when I read Tailess or your respond I'm come to realization that we really talking the term polyamory or monogamy in a very different term, for me it's a mutliple commitment bonding and love, not solely intercourse relation.

In my perspective being commited with my partner mean that we are bond with each other, hence you may say also we are belong to or for each other, for instance I stop watching Captain Sharpe because it annoyed her greatly she think the amount of cleavage in that movie is too much, she also argued that I can learn while getting myself entertained about historical drama on Napoleonic era watching different film (btw Jung, have you watch duelist?, you should watch it), I don't find her reaction annoying at all, I thought it was cute, and I'm happily willing to be her possession (I never think it that way though) or whatever it is, and the way we see love is a feeling that pulled us romanticly to each other, and we may strengthen and solidified the bonding with commitment (marriage). Hence from my perspective jealousy is always part of the game if you are falling in love with someone, it's natural within us and I don't view the jealousy within me as something bad, and when someone that I deeply in love jealous about me, well, that's a bliss, cannot ask anything better than that

edit: btw sorry for my mess up English, I edit and fix some of it, maybe as more time I spend in this forum it will getting better (even though I never ever really have a good talent in language)

 

[Mise]

That's a bit of a cop out answer to be honest. You kind of need to explain why it's irrational, not just define thinking that doesn't align with yours as irrational.

The statement "the reason why polyamory doesn't work for most people is because they are irrational" does NOT imply that there are no rational reasons in favour of monogamy. I totally accept that there are rational reasons for monogamy, so I don't have to explain why it's irrational at all - I agree (and have made no statement to the contrary) that monogamy is perfectly rational. However, it is logically irrelevant to the original statement: the actual reason why most people don't engage in polyamory is not logical or rational. It's entirely emotional, to the point that most people don't even think about it because it's so obviously emotionally harmful and elicits such a clear, visceral response. I described in the part of my post that you removed why I would not engage in polyamory: the overwhelming emotional devastation I would feel. That has absolutely nothing to do with whatever rational arguments exist in support of monogamy (or polyamory or anything else). I believe, and the video argues, that this is how most people feel, even if monogamy were irrational and polyamory rational. (For the avoidance of doubt, do you see how saying "even if" here doesn't mean that I think or am asserting that monogamy is irrational? Another way of saying it is "irrespective of whether".)

And I am actually describing my own thinking as irrational, so not sure what the latter half of the comment is referring to?

 

[H4run]

Both who did polyamory or monogamy have reasons and rationalization behind it, hence both should be rational. Because the nature of those two variable are not negating each other.

 

[yung.carl.jung]

Our perspective of what is monogamy or polyamory are varied, some may view polyamory as multiple commitment, while other like @Tee Kay view it not necessary have to be like that. Actually when I read Tailess or your respond I'm come to realization that we really talking the term polyamory or monogamy in a very different term, for me it's a mutliple commitment bonding and love, not solely intercourse relation.

In my perspective being commited with my partner mean that we are bond with each other, hence you may say also we are belong to or for each other, for instance I stop watching Captain Sharpe because it annoyed her greatly she think the amount of cleavage in that movie is too much, she also argued that I can learn while getting myself entertained about historical drama on Napoleonic era watching different film (btw Jung, have you watch duelist?, you should watch it), I don't find her reaction annoying at all, I thought it was cute, and I'm happily willing to be her possession (I never think it that way though) or whatever it is, and the way we see love is a feeling that pulled us romanticly to each other, and we may strengthen and solidified the bonding with commitment (marriage). Hence from my perspective jealousy is always part of the game if you are falling in love with someone, it's natural within us and I don't view the jealousy within me as something bad, and when someone that I deeply in love jealous about me, well, that's a bliss, cannot ask anything better than that

edit: btw sorry for my mess up English, I edit and fix some of it, maybe as more time I spend in this forum it will getting better (even though I never ever really have a good talent in language)

I agree it can be a nice feeling to be possessed or to possess someone. but I would infer this is a feeling of both lack of- and exercise of power, rather than love also, I will watch duelist now that you recommended it to me! your English isn't messed up at all, in fact i think it's really refreshing

 

[H4run]

I agree it can be a nice feeling to be possessed or to possess someone. but I would infer this is a feeling of both lack of- and exercise of power, rather than love

It's depend on how we define love, and what is love? Is jealousy is more of an action of power or an action of love?

When we understand bond as a kind of mutual possession and ownership, we cannot avoid to suspect the jealousy that comes out from it as an exercise of power, like a child get angry when his/her toys get taken by another child, but do children jealous to their toys? When I own a house, and someone break and live in my house, am I mad for being jealous? Or I'm mad because they invaded my territory?

I really think jealousy is not about ownership, and I'm not sure if I can take my wife possessed me in literal sense hence she is jealous about me.

I will watch duelist now that you recommended it to me!

If you don't like it, I'll do push up 20 time for wasting your time! (another way to trick myself to get a workout)

your English isn't messed up at all, in fact i think it's really refreshing

Yeah now is little bit foreign and awkward, but before I edit it my english even amazes me, if it's a game it will be Fallout.

 

[Yeekim]

Jealousy is both foolish and ugly.

I'm happy for people for whom polyamory works.

 

[Farm Boy]

You're mistaking my tone. I'm not proud of it. It's a character flaw for God's sake.

There is absolutely nothing flawed with wanting an exclusive relationship mode that makes one comfortable if clearly communicated and reciprocated honestly.

There's lots of games going on regarding sex in society at any time. And getting people to think they should spread em is fundamental.

 

[Manfred Belheim]

However, it is logically irrelevant to the original statement: the actual reason why most people don't engage in polyamory is not logical or rational.

Yes... therefore a statement to the effect that people not wanting to engage in polyamory is a result of them being irrational, doesn't hold much weight. Not sure how you think you're arguing against me here. I said:

"I don't see why that would be irrational."

And you seem to be saying that rationality has nothing to do with it. So therefore neither does irrationality right?

Of course that sidesteps the entire issue of how it's possible to be entirely rational about feelings, but never mind.

 

[civvver]

Not exactly. I asked how it was more rational to go with polyamory, as the initial claim was that "people aren't rational enough to be polyamorous", which imply that polyamory is a more rational situation.
Why are you jumping at me for asking the question instead of at the initial claim ?

Well, maybe read more closely then.

If you need to add more "if" and constraints, it means that it's a harder kind of relationship to keep, so here is your answer to how it could be more rational to be monogamous.
Not that relationships are very rational to begin with, anyway.

I get the feeling you're awfully defensive, especially considering how you're lashing back at several persons.

Right that's my point, it's not more normal or rational. People want to be beautiful unicorns but then get mad when others call them different. Well which is it? Sorry you can't have your cake and eat it too in this case.

 

[Synobun]

Right that's my point, it's not more normal or rational. People want to be beautiful unicorns but then get mad when others call them different. Well which is it? Sorry you can't have your cake and eat it too in this case.

You're not making any points at all. You ignore the people who respond to you but then make snide replies about how emotional everyone else besides you is being (funnily, while being the only one having a meltdown yourself).

 

[civvver]

where am I having a meltdown?

 

[Synobun]

where am I having a meltdown?

The hyper-defensive remarks and constantly insisting you're just "telling it how it is".

 

[Farm Boy]

Spoiler :