Are you playing hotseat with yourself? :O
...is that even possible? Because it kinda sounds like a fun idea.
Yep. I recommend: 3-4 Civs, Quick Speed, Terra Map, Small Size.
Anything over four Civs is unmanageable. It takes too long and it's hard to keep track of everything. Three Civs makes things faster, but it also breaks the "political balance" a bit (the weaker Civ tends to get ganged up by the other two, so it turns into a 1v1 too early). It also adds too much empty space and reduces interaction between Civs.
Online speed is too fast and stressful. With four Civs there's always something to do, something to remember, and one mistake or missed turn makes a huge difference. On the other hand Standard is tooooo slow and boring. Never finished a Hotseat game on Standard Speed. Quick ends up taking as long as a marathon sized game (but not boring imo, since you're playing four Civs).
Terra map - Small Size (for six players, remove two) is my preferred set up. There's an entire continent to discover, and the Civs are neither too packed together nor too far from each other on the main continent. Inland Sea and Pangea are fun too. Continents not so much since you turn the game into two 1v1s.
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The way I play around having access to information at all times is to ask
"what's the best move here?", but taking into consideration only the info available to that Civ. Spies are usually straightforward, though World Congress can get tricky at times. In regards to Wonders, I consider it "
public information" at all times. I used to play them using the approach mentioned, but it's not fun to pretend to build a Wonder you already know some other Civ will complete first.
I also recommend Heroes Mode in Hotseat. It really lets you appreciate the mode's quality.
This is how I've mostly been playing for over a year, especially with the AI issues and all that...
Tip: Mark the Tribal Villages whenever you find them. You WILL forget about them otherwise. (Also don't forget to select "Human" for all four Civs when setting up the game.)