random quotes

[Eran of Arcadia]

"In Soviet Russia, Waldo finds YOU!"

For some reason I find this the funniest.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

For some reason I find this the funniest.

So do I, so do I...


"If religion is opium, politics must be crack."

Bozo Erectus

"Even in the future, nothing works."

Mel Brooks

"World War III? Hmm, OK. But remember nobody gets hurt."

General
New Yorker cartoon

"First, you'll hear a high-pitched whine... No, Mr. Premier, that won't be yer telephone meltin'... it'll be Red Rooster as he rides a sattelite right into Moscow!"

The President of the United States
SCTV: CCCP-1
​

 

[carmen510]

"This... modern art... I don't get it. Andy Warhol pees on a canvas and sells it for 50 grand?" -Cryptosporidium 138 (Destroy All Humans 2)

 

[Lord_Iggy]

Here are some of my favourite 'In Soviet Russia' lines:

"In Soviet Russia, T.V. watches YOU!"

"In Soviet Russia, nuts crack YOU!"

"In Soviet Russia, dog walks YOU!"

"In Soviet Russia, plant waters YOU!"

"In Soviet Russia, Waldo finds YOU!"

"In Soviet Russia, piano plays YOU!"

"In Soviet Canada, igloos are made of coconuts!"

In Soviet Russia, the Moon lands on You!

In Soviet Russia, Hookers pay You!

In Soviet Russia, Speak Yoda You Like.

Sorry about that second one, I couldn't resist.

 

[SuperBeaverInc.]

Roses are red
Violets are blue
In Soviet Russia
Poem reads you!

 

[Catharsis]

Here are some good quotes from CFCers:

Slavic languages need more vowels.

That and when it comes to age, I believe I'm a communist. When I age, I think everyone else should age too.

And for that matter, isn't a pimp in New Zealand just a shepherd?

My friend met a terrorist. He lives in London and he was riding the bus and someone sat next to him and they started talking to each other about stuff like the US and the war in Iraq and stuff. And i dunno the details but the guy gave my friend some contsct info and said 'call here if u want to jon us or somethin' and the next day the london bomb thing happened and it was the same guy my friend spoke to...

I dunno the details but its somthing like that i'll ask him about it.

These filthy terrorists should be disqualified. They spilled out the beans!

The World Cup is great. Go the Black Caps. Unless it is all just an April Fool's joke and actually, Ireland and West Indies have already qualified for the final.

Actually, Ireland have agreed to merge with the West Indies, forming a new team, CrickJunction.

...wait, what?

Actually it would have to be the two biggest nations merging with each other. Lest say Australia Mergin with Australia A.

I just got home from a twntyt year patyry. I'm very drunk.

 

[SuperBeaverInc.]

"Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the Coalition of the Willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain." - Jon Stewart

 

[PrinceOfLeigh]

Billy Connolly: Two guys are talking and one says to the other: "What would you do if the end of the world was in 3 minutes time?" The other one says, "I'd sh*g everything that moved...What would you do?" And he says, "I'd stand perfectly still."

 

[Kan' Sharuminar]

More Spaced quotes!

Tim: Just... give me a reason. You think I'm unemotional, don't you? I can *be* emotional. Jesus, I cried like a child at the end of Terminator 2.

Tim: You've got some paint on you.
Brian: It's a literal tribute to the self-reflexivity of Rembrandt.
Tim: Did he like it?
Brian: He's dead.
Tim: Bloody hell, that really backfired.

 

[Swedishguy]

"Thousand on a dot"
-Random Persian trying to say "quiet" in chinese.

 

[SuperBeaverInc.]

Oscar: What's all the racket? I can hear you clear across town!
Brent: You can hear us two blocks away?

Corner Gas​

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

"My patriotism doesnt revolve around what you think of me. So its all good."

MobBoss

"An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today."

Laurence J. Peter

​

"If you're a mayor and you have a problem, what do you do? You blame the provincial government. And when you're the provincial government and you have a problem, what do you do? You blame the federal government. And for us, we cannot blame the Queen any more, so we blame the Americans once in a while."

Jéan Chrétien

"I am busy, such is the difficult life that I lead. I only come uncalled for - like Gandalf, but with a better hat."

Kan' Sharuminar
​

 

[Whomp]

Bears don't live on Park Avenue. --Bernard Baruch

 

[Ultima Dragoon]

It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.

A cookie to whoever guesses this one.

 

[Veritass]

A cookie to whoever guesses this one.

First line of "1984", isn't it?

 

[SuperBeaverInc.]

"They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. And unfortunately, it is also the definition of Canadian politics." - Rick Mercer

 

[Sophie 378]

EDIT: more quote collections: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, making this one 11

How comfy are thongs?

Apparently quite comfy. I've got that confirmation from several girls.

Plus if you wear tight pants you have no risks of your underwear being outlined.

I imagine that they aren't very comfortable on guys though.

The trick is to put the balls completely on one side, instead of having them split in the middle.

TMI! TMI!

What does TMI stand for?

Too much information

Thanks! But Rhymes is right, you absolutely need to do that!

Or else... oVo ?

Or else you'll be really unconfortable!

Yeah, that's what I pictured with oVo

Imagine the V is the front of the string, and the o o are...

Yeah.. and the right way to do it makes it 8V

Top 5 issues on which Europeans and Americans will never be able to understand each other:

5. sexual education
4. Freedom of speech
3. healthcare
2. religion
1. Gun laws

Now I'm really waiting for a fanatical Christian to go shooting an entire sex-ed class because they did not promote abstinence-only as requested per their private healthcare sponsor, while yelling racial slurs and Nazi slogans.

I don't think that's true. In fact, I suspect just the opposite. Not everyone is cut out to be a responsible gun owner. I don't mind IglooDude wandering around armed, but there are a lot of people that I wouldn't want packing during a night on the town.

When 20 people who asked for nothing died simply because they went in the university. Well, yes, it's a better time to say that gun sucks than that gun rocks.

But don't worry, you'll be able to keep it, your lovely gun. No US politician will ever prevent you from cuddling it. 150 million gun owners alive will always be worth more to politicians than 10,000 shot dead each year.

<snip>
A lot of people, at least around here, call themselves vegetarians and still eat fish. It's total BS, of course, but they apparently think that fish aren't "meat". So it's a popular misconception that what these people are doing is "proper vegetarianism", when they're really just liars.

Blame Christianity, it does not list fish as meat.

A book can't make a fish not an animal. Fine if that's why people think fish isn't meat, but that doesn't change the fact that it's nonsense.

Obviously a marketing ploy. Most of the disciples were fishermen.

Now, you are on to something .

Okay, cool, I am officially now a vegetarian.

Now I'm off to eat my steak.

Impressive indeed, but an equally amazing fact is that all of those very large stars put together have never produced a single episode of EastEnders. Think about it.

There are over 100 billion stars out there for every human alive today. Laying claim to a single star is not the least bit greedy! Wanting more than a galaxy might be greedy

 

[Kan' Sharuminar]

Those vegetarian ones remind me of Jack Dee quote!

"It annoys me when people say they're vegetarians, but they eat fish. That's like me saying 'I'm a non-smoker, except for cigarettes."

 

[Ultima Dragoon]

First line of "1984", isn't it?

Have a cookie.

 

[Junglecutter]

"I'm a level 5 vegan - I don't eat anything with a shadow"

Dunno where this came from so please excuse me for lack of citation... (I think its from the simpsons)