Random Rants #63: These Rants Don't Run

[Kennigit]

severely disappointed in the dinner I made myself....and so will have sad leftovers next couple days

 

[Takhisis]

Cut it up into tiny bits and make an omelet out of it. Or a stew.

 

[choxorn]

Welp, turns out the girl I've had a huge crush on for months and thought might like me back is gay... I guess I'm even worse at figuring out other people's feelings towards me than I thought. I really need to learn how to tell the difference between being bubbly and friendly and being flirty...

I guess the bright side is that I finally worked up the nerve to tell a girl I liked how I felt, maybe in the future I can figure out how to do it without angsting over it and being too nervous and shy to say much of anything for a long time. Maybe the next one will even like me back... there has to be at least one girl out there that I'm attracted to that is also attracted to me, right?

Sigh...

 

[Hygro]

Congrats on being brave.

 

[Snerk]

I really need to learn how to tell the difference between being bubbly and friendly and being flirty...

Only women can ever possess this skill. There is no hope for us, we'll be guessing until the end. Some say that's half the fun. I think I disagree.

 

[Arakhor]

Welp, turns out the girl I've had a huge crush on for months and thought might like me back is gay... I guess I'm even worse at figuring out other people's feelings towards me than I thought. I really need to learn how to tell the difference between being bubbly and friendly and being flirty...

Welcome to my world. A friend of mine says that I have great gaydar, but only for women.

 

[Hygro]

Only women can ever possess this skill. There is no hope for us, we'll be guessing until the end. Some say that's half the fun. I think I disagree.

I have a secret: it's not that hard to learn. You have to give up a part of yourself to learn it.

 

[gay_Aleks]

Hmm, is it virginity?

 

[GoodSarmatian]

Only women can ever possess this skill. There is no hope for us, we'll be guessing until the end. Some say that's half the fun. I think I disagree.

Another thing that doesn't help and makes it even less fun is that they'll sometimes be purposefully misleading when they need a favor.

 

[JohannaK]

I can assure you women are just as blind. It happened to me once.

 

[Phrossack]

I think I might be unable to keep being friends with my oldest friend. We've been buddies since kindergarten, and he's always been dysfunctional and kind of insane, but now he's supporting Trump largely because he is, by his own admission, largely driven by selfishness, a lack of logic, and a fanatical hatred of anything he deems to be SJW material. He also loves pissing people off by supporting Trump, and it sure is working...

He's only really still my friend because he's a drinking buddy in the area and we've always been friends.

 

[The_J]

A theory says that you actually don't need to like your friends, but they mainly need to be available for you.
So well...fits...

Congrats on being brave.

I think one of the girls on whom I've tried hitting on is also gay, but I haven't really had the balls to ask her out (...maybe the next time).

 

[Gori the Grey]

If she's gay, she doesn't want you to have the balls to ask her out.

 

[Phrossack]

My friend is useful and available to hang out and help, but if I can't like or even respect someone, it becomes difficult to really consider them a friend.

 

[Lohrenswald]

I've been saying things are horrible for a long time now, but that's because things keep getting worse.

I gave up on one of this semester's subjects last saturday, and I'm afraid I'll end up doing the same with the others.

There's a project-thing going on in one of the subjects now. It's 25 % of the grade and required to pass to get entry to the exam. Three days in I've made basically no progress, and I don't have any willpower to work on it. In addition I have to redo another assignment too, which I also have no will to work on.

The entierty of 2016 absolutely nothing has worked. There has not even been one single task, absolutely none at all, that I have been able to do on my own. I have literally accomplished nothing ecxept utter incompetence. Not even the easiest of things, bloody equations so simple it's to cry at, have I been able to do. And I've learned absolutely bugger-all the entire semester.
It's supposedly the hardest semester in the bachelor degree, so some people try to cheer me up that it'll be better from now on, but it won't because I'm failing at absolutely every bloody thing.

I think it was in early march I procrastinated an assignment long enough, even bloody staying up all bloody night like a piece of, that it was impossible to complete it. So I didn't, and ever since i think I've failed to complete the majority of all assignments.
So not only am I an incompetent idiot I'm also a lazy loser and good-for-nothing, who can't even do enough to fail properly.

I've also failed to like fulfill promises to people, mostly family members, so I'm basically a charlatan at this point, and completely undeserving of anyonse trust. Or friendship I guess.

Also there's developing a small chance I'll get thrown out of the house. I've got a couple of back-up plans in such a case but god bloody damnit if things resort to that. So I kinda don't feel welcome at home.

Been failling at even basic stuff at home too. like showering and cleaning and what have you.

There's also a more vague thing about how I approach thing that's been bothering me lately. That instead of trying to learn and/or try to conscider a thing I'm presented and try to assess it in greater context and figure out arguements and yadayada I'm just sort of rejecting it out of hand. So basically I'm a stupid person now, not just uninformed or whatever.

That's all really sour because I used to be good at like learning and used to be best in class as well and all that stuff (nobody say that being good in school isn't the same as being smart; I'm saying I used to be both and now am neither).

Also I basically quit music a few months ago to get more time for university stuff, but it didn't help at all and now I'm not doing what was my only real hobby.

I'm also developing a sense of disgust that I'm made of meat and I'm living in a place made of concrete and metal. I know that's a stupid sentiment but it's making me feel kinda sick, I dunno what to say.

Also even if things went fine for me in context of society at large, society at large would still be utter trash in of itself.

Today is my 21st birthday and I regret everything I've done my entire life, basically.

I'm not trying to fish for sentimentality, I just don't know what else to do.

 

[Kennigit]

Handwrite a journal if you don't already. That can help some.

 

[Lohrenswald]

Oh yea I've been neglecting that for very many months, so that's another fault with me.

Also it usually takes me at least 3 hours to write a single entry.

I'll do my best to start again though, I hope at least.

 

[Gori the Grey]

If you have access to counselling--most schools make it available--I'd encourage you to seek it out. It's the not showering and disgust-that-you're-made-of-meat line in particular that makes me say so.

I'm no counselor, so take this for what it's worth, but from the narrative you give here, it sounds like things have been snowballing. I think you'll have to un-snowball them one flake at a time. That's difficult at the end of a semester when you feel you should be doing so many things. But to me it feels like it's the pressure that you're putting on yourself regarding the totality of things to be done that's keeping your from getting individual done with any satisfaction. The only way to reverse that is to do something, but just as its own thing; not as part of the totality. Then do another thing. Without much thought to the larger context.

In fact, do you know what I'm inspired to suggest as a first flake of un-snowballing? Play some music (I don't know what instrument you play, if you've mentioned it here before, sorry). Just for yourself. Just for half an hour. Not with the intention of taking it back up or anything big. Just for the joy that you have that skill. (I don't and I wish I did; surely the time you spent in learning to play is something not to be regretted.)

Do you know what I'm inspired to suggest as the second flake? Do you mean to get your mother a mother's day card? If so, go out and buy one this afternoon.

Take off your shoulders all of the pressures regarding what you should be (good at learning, someone who assesses things in greater context, etc) and just focus on single, small concrete tasks to do that will bring you or others joy. Half-hour tasks that will bring you or others one half-hour's worth of joy.

Again, for what it may be worth.

Wishing you well.

 

[Commodore]

I've been saying things are horrible for a long time now, but that's because things keep getting worse.

I gave up on one of this semester's subjects last saturday, and I'm afraid I'll end up doing the same with the others.

There's a project-thing going on in one of the subjects now. It's 25 % of the grade and required to pass to get entry to the exam. Three days in I've made basically no progress, and I don't have any willpower to work on it. In addition I have to redo another assignment too, which I also have no will to work on.

The entierty of 2016 absolutely nothing has worked. There has not even been one single task, absolutely none at all, that I have been able to do on my own. I have literally accomplished nothing ecxept utter incompetence. Not even the easiest of things, bloody equations so simple it's to cry at, have I been able to do. And I've learned absolutely bugger-all the entire semester.
It's supposedly the hardest semester in the bachelor degree, so some people try to cheer me up that it'll be better from now on, but it won't because I'm failing at absolutely every bloody thing.

I think it was in early march I procrastinated an assignment long enough, even bloody staying up all bloody night like a piece of, that it was impossible to complete it. So I didn't, and ever since i think I've failed to complete the majority of all assignments.
So not only am I an incompetent idiot I'm also a lazy loser and good-for-nothing, who can't even do enough to fail properly.

I've also failed to like fulfill promises to people, mostly family members, so I'm basically a charlatan at this point, and completely undeserving of anyonse trust. Or friendship I guess.

Also there's developing a small chance I'll get thrown out of the house. I've got a couple of back-up plans in such a case but god bloody damnit if things resort to that. So I kinda don't feel welcome at home.

Been failling at even basic stuff at home too. like showering and cleaning and what have you.

There's also a more vague thing about how I approach thing that's been bothering me lately. That instead of trying to learn and/or try to conscider a thing I'm presented and try to assess it in greater context and figure out arguements and yadayada I'm just sort of rejecting it out of hand. So basically I'm a stupid person now, not just uninformed or whatever.

That's all really sour because I used to be good at like learning and used to be best in class as well and all that stuff (nobody say that being good in school isn't the same as being smart; I'm saying I used to be both and now am neither).

Also I basically quit music a few months ago to get more time for university stuff, but it didn't help at all and now I'm not doing what was my only real hobby.

I'm also developing a sense of disgust that I'm made of meat and I'm living in a place made of concrete and metal. I know that's a stupid sentiment but it's making me feel kinda sick, I dunno what to say.

Also even if things went fine for me in context of society at large, society at large would still be utter trash in of itself.

Today is my 21st birthday and I regret everything I've done my entire life, basically.

I'm not trying to fish for sentimentality, I just don't know what else to do.

I know I'm a huge advocate of the military so this may fall on deaf ears, but I really think the military would be good for you. It sounds like you are extremely unfulfilled with your life right now and feel like you have no purpose to work towards. If so, the military really will change all that. The military will give you a sense of belonging and community, as well as give you a sense of purpose in everything you do. It's also a steady paycheck, and depending on the job you choose, you might even get a college level education and get paid to do it instead of having to pay some overpriced university.

At the very least, I think you should look into it. Everything I have today, I owe to the man the United States Army molded me into. The military really can have a transformative power in your life if you go into it dedicated and let them do their work on you.

EDIT: Oh, and Happy Birthday!

 

[Takhisis]

Yes, but Mr. L. is in Norway.