Random Rants #63: These Rants Don't Run

[Commodore]

Yes, but Mr. L. is in Norway.

Well, Norway has an army don't they?

 

[Takhisis]

They apparently do, just in case they decide to avenge themselves on Sweden and/or Denmark. But the paycheck and education stuff doesn't much apply there, I think. Mr. L. is already in uni.

 

[Commodore]

They apparently do, just in case they decide to avenge themselves on Sweden and/or Denmark. But the paycheck and education stuff doesn't much apply there, I think. Mr. L. is already in uni.

The pay doesn't seem horrible. The average Norwegian soldier makes approximately $33,000 USD a year. That seems at least on par with the average salary of US soldiers.

 

[Borachio]

<stuff>.

Yeah, Happy Birthday Mr L! And don't give up just yet.

Even if university turns out to be not for you, there's a big and interesting world out there for everyone.

Also, don't be afraid to ask for help from any available source.

Every best wish

Borachio.

 

[Commodore]

Tried to get back to my Shattered Union playthrough that I've been neglecting for a month and the game doesn't work again. I tried to start it ten straight times and each time it crashed to desktop immediately with no error message. It took me two years to get this game to work again. Two years.

So sorry Omega, looks like I might not ever be able to get back to that Shattered Union Let's Play. I had to improvise and uploaded some GalCiv2 gameplay instead.

 

[choxorn]

Congrats on being brave.

Thanks. It felt kinda embarrassing and awkward but I still did it. I'm slowly taking baby steps towards being a semi-functional adult!

Only women can ever possess this skill. There is no hope for us, we'll be guessing until the end. Some say that's half the fun. I think I disagree.

I just wish I could be right about my guesses more often...

Welcome to my world. A friend of mine says that I have great gaydar, but only for women.

What, do you also find yourself attracted to lesbians, or are you just good at telling when women are gay?

 

[Hygro]

I just wish I could be right about my guesses more often...

Snerk: men can't know
Hygro: men can know
Choxorn replying to Snerk: I just wish I could guess right more often.
Hygro: well actu... oh... hmmm... I see. Carry on.

 

[Lohrenswald]

@Gori the Grey
I'll try to take your advice.
I do see it reasonable to sort of "rebuild life in small parts" like that or what have you, but it's kind of a difficult thing to do as a student, especially in the exams period.
I'll try though.

unfourtunately in Norway we do mother's day in february :/

and for the record I do shower, just not as often as I should...
I'll do it today though

@Commodore
It would be a lie to say the thought hasn't crossed my mind. Though I have some doubts I'd make the cut.
In any case it probably won't be my first resort, but I might look into it.

 

[choxorn]

Snerk: men can't know
Hygro: men can know
Choxorn replying to Snerk: I just wish I could guess right more often.
Hygro: well actu... oh... hmmm... I see. Carry on.

Well, knowing would also be nice, but I have so much trouble with that that even being right about my guesses more than zero times would be nice...

 

[Arakhor]

What, do you also find yourself attracted to lesbians, or are you just good at telling when women are gay?

Given that I too am autistic, do you really think it's the second?

 

[choxorn]

Given that I too am autistic, do you really think it's the second?

Fair enough. I was under the impression you were sorta asexual, though, so

 

[Terxpahseyton]

@Lohrenswald

I just want to say that in the kind of anxious state you seem to be I also already have been, in my own way at least, and there were moments where I thought as well I had just plainly degenerated into someone dumb. Including issues with math.
But later in more sober - not drug-sober but emotionally sober - moments I found that all I could once do mentally I still could do (mostly). My mind was just so caught up in self-destructive loop thinking that it sort of did not properly work anymore in any capacity. It is really scary that such a thing can even happen, especially since I did not really realize it. Even more so since other people will often have no understanding of or for it.

I think Gori gave excellent advice. Also in the seeking help part. When one is in the kind of state of mind you are, one definitely has a big-ass problem, in my experience. One that just won't blow over. It is I think some sort of mischievous thought-pattern that has infected ones mind and I think one can not really fight it by playing by its rules. One rather needs to get rid of it. And to me always part of that was to first accept, simply accept, that what one has done, so to be able to freely move on. I always found this acceptance extremely difficult. It ironically was easier for me to be disgusted with myself (or other things than myself) than to simply accept what had happened. But ultimately it always was also extremely liberating to manage to do that. See I think otherwise you won't just do in the moment what needs to be done, but try to make up for past failures, with every moment, and this gets you in this pattern of being rather than doing Gory talks about. And makes you anxious and dumb and miserable and sucks the energy right out of you. And that is part of the mental pattern you need to let go.

Just my thoughts on the matter, since I feel I can relate to it.

 

[Arakhor]

Fair enough. I was under the impression you were sorta asexual, though, so

I am, more or less, but I'm certainly not aromantic, so it doesn't mean I don't find the odd person attractive or think, "I'd quite like to settle down with them." After all, I'm older now than my mother was when my younger sister was born, so there's certainly a missed opportunity clock ticking somewhere in the background.

(Well, it's either that or it's a typically weird mid-life crisis, but then I could never be relied upon to do things normally. )

 

[JohannaK]

I've been saying things are horrible for a long time now, but that's because things keep getting worse.

Spoiler :

I gave up on one of this semester's subjects last saturday, and I'm afraid I'll end up doing the same with the others.

There's a project-thing going on in one of the subjects now. It's 25 % of the grade and required to pass to get entry to the exam. Three days in I've made basically no progress, and I don't have any willpower to work on it. In addition I have to redo another assignment too, which I also have no will to work on.

The entierty of 2016 absolutely nothing has worked. There has not even been one single task, absolutely none at all, that I have been able to do on my own. I have literally accomplished nothing ecxept utter incompetence. Not even the easiest of things, bloody equations so simple it's to cry at, have I been able to do. And I've learned absolutely bugger-all the entire semester.
It's supposedly the hardest semester in the bachelor degree, so some people try to cheer me up that it'll be better from now on, but it won't because I'm failing at absolutely every bloody thing.

I think it was in early march I procrastinated an assignment long enough, even bloody staying up all bloody night like a piece of, that it was impossible to complete it. So I didn't, and ever since i think I've failed to complete the majority of all assignments.
So not only am I an incompetent idiot I'm also a lazy loser and good-for-nothing, who can't even do enough to fail properly.

I've also failed to like fulfill promises to people, mostly family members, so I'm basically a charlatan at this point, and completely undeserving of anyonse trust. Or friendship I guess.

Also there's developing a small chance I'll get thrown out of the house. I've got a couple of back-up plans in such a case but god bloody damnit if things resort to that. So I kinda don't feel welcome at home.

Been failling at even basic stuff at home too. like showering and cleaning and what have you.

There's also a more vague thing about how I approach thing that's been bothering me lately. That instead of trying to learn and/or try to conscider a thing I'm presented and try to assess it in greater context and figure out arguements and yadayada I'm just sort of rejecting it out of hand. So basically I'm a stupid person now, not just uninformed or whatever.

That's all really sour because I used to be good at like learning and used to be best in class as well and all that stuff (nobody say that being good in school isn't the same as being smart; I'm saying I used to be both and now am neither).

Also I basically quit music a few months ago to get more time for university stuff, but it didn't help at all and now I'm not doing what was my only real hobby.

I'm also developing a sense of disgust that I'm made of meat and I'm living in a place made of concrete and metal. I know that's a stupid sentiment but it's making me feel kinda sick, I dunno what to say.

Also even if things went fine for me in context of society at large, society at large would still be utter trash in of itself.

Today is my 21st birthday and I regret everything I've done my entire life, basically.

I'm not trying to fish for sentimentality, I just don't know what else to do.

If you have access to counselling--most schools make it available--I'd encourage you to seek it out. It's the not showering and disgust-that-you're-made-of-meat line in particular that makes me say so.

I'm no counselor, so take this for what it's worth, but from the narrative you give here, it sounds like things have been snowballing. I think you'll have to un-snowball them one flake at a time. That's difficult at the end of a semester when you feel you should be doing so many things. But to me it feels like it's the pressure that you're putting on yourself regarding the totality of things to be done that's keeping your from getting individual done with any satisfaction. The only way to reverse that is to do something, but just as its own thing; not as part of the totality. Then do another thing. Without much thought to the larger context.

In fact, do you know what I'm inspired to suggest as a first flake of un-snowballing? Play some music (I don't know what instrument you play, if you've mentioned it here before, sorry). Just for yourself. Just for half an hour. Not with the intention of taking it back up or anything big. Just for the joy that you have that skill. (I don't and I wish I did; surely the time you spent in learning to play is something not to be regretted.)

Do you know what I'm inspired to suggest as the second flake? Do you mean to get your mother a mother's day card? If so, go out and buy one this afternoon.

Take off your shoulders all of the pressures regarding what you should be (good at learning, someone who assesses things in greater context, etc) and just focus on single, small concrete tasks to do that will bring you or others joy. Half-hour tasks that will bring you or others one half-hour's worth of joy.

Again, for what it may be worth.

Wishing you well.

@Lohrenswald

I just want to say that in the kind of anxious state you seem to be I also already have been, in my own way at least, and there were moments where I thought as well I had just plainly degenerated into someone dumb. Including issues with math.
But later in more sober - not drug-sober but emotionally sober - moments I found that all I could once do mentally I still could do (mostly). My mind was just so caught up in self-destructive loop thinking that it sort of did not properly work anymore in any capacity. It is really scary that such a thing can even happen, especially since I did not really realize it. Even more so since other people will often have no understanding of or for it.

I think Gori gave excellent advice. Also in the seeking help part. When one is in the kind of state of mind you are, one definitely has a big-ass problem, in my experience. One that just won't blow over. It is I think some sort of mischievous thought-pattern that has infected ones mind and I think one can not really fight it by playing by its rules. One rather needs to get rid of it. And to me always part of that was to first accept, simply accept, that what one has done, so to be able to freely move on. I always found this acceptance extremely difficult. It ironically was easier for me to be disgusted with myself (or other things than myself) than to simply accept what had happened. But ultimately it always was also extremely liberating to manage to do that. See I think otherwise you won't just do in the moment what needs to be done, but try to make up for past failures, with every moment, and this gets you in this pattern of being rather than doing Gory talks about. And makes you anxious and dumb and miserable and sucks the energy right out of you. And that is part of the mental pattern you need to let go.

Just my thoughts on the matter, since I feel I can relate to it.

These two, so much. I'm not sure I was ever that bad, but when I dropped out three years ago I was a bit like that, even on the Rants thread as well. I urge to take up music again, and seek out advice. Finally you have to think whether you are really doing what you want, whether you can be happy with it or not. I was the smart kid in my class and I failed miserably, so I dropped out, and I'm doing something I'm far far happier about. Things can and will change for the better, one small thing at a time.

Happy birthday.

I know I'm a huge advocate of the military so this may fall on deaf ears, but I really think the military would be good for you. It sounds like you are extremely unfulfilled with your life right now and feel like you have no purpose to work towards. If so, the military really will change all that. The military will give you a sense of belonging and community, as well as give you a sense of purpose in everything you do. It's also a steady paycheck, and depending on the job you choose, you might even get a college level education and get paid to do it instead of having to pay some overpriced university.

At the very least, I think you should look into it. Everything I have today, I owe to the man the United States Army molded me into. The military really can have a transformative power in your life if you go into it dedicated and let them do their work on you.

EDIT: Oh, and Happy Birthday!

I'm not sure, but I don't think Norwegians have to pay anything at all to get into and go through higher education. That's how the Scandinavians roll, it seems.

It is still a very valid career, of course. I can't deny my perception of the military in general is tinged by a perception that the Spanish army is a den of far-righters who long for the days of Franco, which is surely a hilariously wrong portrayal of the armed forces as a whole, but is apparently true of some high commands.

 

[azzaman333]

I need to stop being so bitter and vindictive when I feel wronged...

 

[Tee Kay]

Pro: I may be meeting my long-distance dates in Brisbane in June, yay!
Con: I don't have quite enough money for food and fuel let alone interstate trips
Pro: I am hopeful of getting a job before then and getting money for the trip
Con: I won't be able to make the trip after all 'cause getting leave for the job is a very bad look

Argh

 

[Hygro]

Tell your dates to come to you!

 

[GoodEnoughForMe]

I've called this airline company twice to cancel a ticket I bought and both times they say they don't see any record of me buying the ticket even though the charge is pending according to my bank. Just waiting for them to keep telling me it doesn't show up until the 24 hour free cancellation period is over, at which point they'll gladly cancel it, and laugh all the way to the bank with my $625.

 

[Commodore]

I've called this airline company twice to cancel a ticket I bought and both times they say they don't see any record of me buying the ticket even though the charge is pending according to my bank. Just waiting for them to keep telling me it doesn't show up until the 24 hour free cancellation period is over, at which point they'll gladly cancel it, and laugh all the way to the bank with my $625.

Hurry up and call your credit card company and tell them not to let the charge go through.

 

[GoodEnoughForMe]

Yeah, I went to my bank and had them cancel it. Thank goodness. What a joke. Sad! *trump voice*