Random Rants 76: Argh! Augh! Ahhh!

[Valka D'Ur]

If you call the cops yourself, she might just send them away. Send her the resources, and push a little bit about it, but she has to choose that for herself.

What local resources are there for domestic violence victims? Any shelters? On-call social workers? Has she seen a doctor?

 

[tjs282]

My own rant is my friend's husband beat her last night .. she texted me a photograph this morning of her badly bruised abdomen. I don't know what to do.

Even if she won't call the cops herself (and that being the case, no, you shouldn't either, because jeez, what if her husband answered the door to them?), obviously she trusts you enough to tell you about the abuse, and that could be seen as a cry for help.

Sooo... does she want to get out of the house? If so, maybe you could offer her a safe place to sleep tonight? Not necessarily your house (especially not if her abuser also knows where you live), but maybe you could offer to take her to a motel or something, and pay for her room, so he can't so easily find out where she's gone (e.g. by calling taxi-companies, or checking her credit-card transactions online).

Does she have any kids? Depending on age, that would make certainly things a little more complicated (if she took them with her without first reporting the abuse, I could well imagine an abusive husband calling the police himself, to report a 'kidnapping').

But at the end of the day, she is an adult. So, much as you might fear for her (and I do too, for whatever that's worth), you can't force her to accept an offer of sanctuary -- but at least she'd know she has a way out if she needs it.

 

[GoodSarmatian]

My own rant is my friend's husband beat her last night .. she texted me a photograph this morning of her badly bruised abdomen. I don't know what to do.

First thought: call the cops.
Second thought: Talk to her and try to convince her to leave that scum.
Third thought: Was that the first time or...
...no...
doesn't matter.

Synsensa is right.
Talk to her, be supportive. Try convince her to leave him, but don't push too hard or she'll try to defend him. "He's not always like that" and similar excuses.

 

[aimeeandbeatles]

First-world problem: Vivaldi is having trouble detecting I'm in a text editor, and whenever I use Ctrl+B to set the text as bold it opens my bookmarks. It didn't do this before, so I guess it's a weird glitch. I was able to disable the shortcut thankfully.

 

[metatron]

My own rant is my friend's husband beat her last night .. she texted me a photograph this morning of her badly bruised abdomen. I don't know what to do.

Do you know what they both make of it?

Like:
Does she excuse his behavior as actually justified or does she just tolerate it as wrong but compensated for (by way of good things he does or whatever)?
And does he feel what he did is wrong but at least partially excused by some circumstance, or does he feel this state of affairs is basically fine?

 

[Timsup2nothin]

Maybe you should call police or some specialized service.

There is no situation so bad that involving the police isn't most likely going to make it worse.

 

[Birdjaguar]

I'm sorry @The_J, would you like to talk about it more? I remember when you said you were going to break up with her, but I don't remember why exactly ... was it because of her distance from you, or did you feel like you didn't love her or you didn't see a future together with her? How do you feel about her now?

My own rant is my friend's husband beat her last night .. she texted me a photograph this morning of her badly bruised abdomen. I don't know what to do.

Maybe you should call police or some specialized service.

Keep the pictures. Call a shelter and ask them for advice; see if they will go talk to her. Don't do nothing.

 

[MaryKB]

She hates her situation, and she often blames herself for his actions. He gaslights her, I really feel so terrible for her situation. I want to do more, but she's asking me not too, I've offered to give her a place to stay or pay for a hotel room if she needs one. Today's a bad day for her, I'm hoping when she has a few days to think she'll do something, but I don't know. She's tried asking him to leave before, but he says he won't. I've been in her place, I know how difficult this is for her, it's just so painful.

 

[Gori the Grey]

I've offered to give her a place to stay or pay for a hotel room if she needs one.

That's among the best things you can do. When she decides for herself that it's time to leave, her biggest concern will be where to go. It will help her to know that there is some place. Repeat this to her often.

 

[Silurian]

She hates her situation, and she often blames herself for his actions. He gaslights her, I really feel so terrible for her situation. I want to do more, but she's asking me not too, I've offered to give her a place to stay or pay for a hotel room if she needs one. Today's a bad day for her, I'm hoping when she has a few days to think she'll do something, but I don't know. She's tried asking him to leave before, but he says he won't. I've been in her place, I know how difficult this is for her, it's just so painful.

As well a keeping the photographs, keep a diary of what she says and any observations you make about her speech or her appearance if you see her in her in person. Then she could use it as evidence in a court during restraint hearings etc or give it to the police if they bring charges.

 

[Thorgalaeg]

I guess police is not going to ring the door bell and tell off the husband. Probably there are social services specialized in these kind of situations who can provide protection, safe houses or whatever without the husband having to even know till she is safe. Asking for information wont hurt anybody.

These things don't solve alone only get worse, and don't expect the woman to do something by herself she probably is psychologically subdued.

 

[Takhisis]

Is this just a déjà vu or didn't mary already post about the same situation about a year ago?

 

[Synobun]

Is this just a déjà vu or didn't mary already post about the same situation about a year ago?

Mary hasn't been here for a year.

 

[Takhisis]

I've just remembered it's MC, not MKB.

 

[Phrossack]

Rant: Phrossack baked cookies.

This wouldn't be a rant except that they got stuck to the tray and had to be scraped off. Some were torn and broken in the process, and Phrossack decided that was a good excuse to eat them immediately.

But "some" here actually means "about a quarter of the whole batch."

We now have a phairly phull Phrossack who still has a traditional family dinner in about an hour or two.

 

[Synobun]

You're starting a new tradition. A tradition of eating a tray of cookies before dinner every day.

 

[Phrossack]

You're starting a new tradition. A tradition of eating a tray of cookies before dinner every day.

Is it really a tradition if it kills the practitioner before it has time to become time-honored?

 

[Valka D'Ur]

Rant: Phrossack baked cookies.

This wouldn't be a rant except that they got stuck to the tray and had to be scraped off. Some were torn and broken in the process, and Phrossack decided that was a good excuse to eat them immediately.

But "some" here actually means "about a quarter of the whole batch."

We now have a phairly phull Phrossack who still has a traditional family dinner in about an hour or two.

Phrossack just ate dessert first.

 

[Synobun]

Is it really a tradition if it kills the practitioner before it has time to become time-honored?

Those are the best kinds of tradition!

 

[aimeeandbeatles]

I'd added around 30-40 entries to this page and then Vivaldi discarded the tab and I lost it all before I could save it.