Random Rants LVII: wow. many anger. very whining.

[Antilogic]

I opened it, that's the only point at which I realized the horror.

 

[Takhisis]

Error, not horror.

 

[Antilogic]

Nope, it was a horror. I didn't think I was a child molester, but then I found myself in possession of chunky peanut butter so now I can't be too sure. It's really effing disturbing.

 

[Kennigit]

Now darlings, I know ya'll'd lost all your teeth growing up for some time in the south but that ain't no reason to tell normal folk that crunchy is bad

Be grateful fer what little ya do have and can enjoy even 1/100th of the flavour of real peanut butter 'stead of trying to take that away from others

What would Jesus do?

 

[Antilogic]

What would Jesus do?

Already addressed:

The rapture happened and Jesus is coming down to lead his angels in the final battle v. evil. Then he looks at a poor unsaved soul eating spoonfuls of crunchy peanut butter. Blah blah blah apocalypse Jesus fanwank B-novel action-adventure-romance plot ensues. There's nothing else to this story besides the undeniable fact the fallen are forced to consume inferior crunchy peanut butter because the smooth creaminess of God's Own Peanut Butter was raptured away.

 

[Civ'ed]

Now darlings, I know ya'll'd lost all your teeth growing up for some time in the south but that ain't no reason to tell normal folk that crunchy is bad

Be grateful fer what little ya do have and can enjoy even 1/100th of the flavour of real peanut butter 'stead of trying to take that away from others

What would Jesus do?

Presumably not eat peanut butter and opt for something like jam

 

[aimeeandbeatles]

Rant: When I realize I could've made a pun but for whatever reason didn't. Missed oppuntunities.

 

[Kennigit]

Pretty sure Jesus said "let he who is stoned eat spoonfuls of crunchy", iirc

 

[Phrossack]

Rant: When I realize I could've made a pun but for whatever reason didn't. Missed oppuntunities.

The French phrase for that is l'espirit de l'escalier. The spirit of the stairs, when a witty comeback only hits you when you're walking out of the room.

 

[classical_hero]

Nope, it was a horror. I didn't think I was a child molester, but then I found myself in possession of chunky peanut butter so now I can't be too sure. It's really effing disturbing.

Just go to the police and confess your crime and they might be lenient.

 

[Zack]

Although you will have to officially register as an offender, and people will always be able to google your name and discover that you bought crunchy peanut butter.

 

[Arakhor]

Unless of course you live in the EU.

 

[bhsup]

Man, what the blazes is going on with hamburger prices? I'm lucky anymore to find 90% lean for less than $5.50-$5.99/lb. That's over two dollars higher than last fall or so.

 

[Takhisis]

Buy your own ground beef and then make your own patties.

 

[bhsup]

Yeah, that was my fault. I meant "ground beef" and not actual "hamburger" so sorry for that. Just lazy word substitution on my part.

 

[Takhisis]

Then they are dirty thieves and must be punished. *seeks religious edict from the Patriarch against these filthy meat-sellers*

 

[gay_Aleks]

Well, which Patriarch? The Serbian one, the one in Bulgaria, the Russian one, the Armenian priest or the one lost in Jerusalem? And of course, that guy with the ugly hat who wants Constantinople. There's plenty on 'em, ya see.

 

[Takhisis]

I would be willing to take over the CFC Bulgarian Ep-/Patri-archate if provided with sufficient Lukanka and other delicious foodstuffs, unless sebastokratōr Kyriakos can improve the offer.
Between mumbling 'Boga je dobro' and 'ο θεός είναι καλός' there isn't much of a difference.

 

[gay_Aleks]

We can give you jars of tomato pulp made better and much godlier than that "ketchup" you people have.

 

[Takhisis]

*in true Byzantine style, Eparch Takhisios finds a minor point of theological contention on which a mutually detrimental disagreement can be reached with the head of the church back at The City*

The Lukanka and stuffed peppers are still on the table, aren't they?