Random Rants LXIX: Life is a Dismal Chore

[Takhisis]

A three-way it is. Congratulations, Vincour!

 

[Synobun]

Since she's staying there for 2 weeks they should probably sit down and hammer out a deal that makes everyone happy. In theory she should pay 1/6th of everything, since she's there for half a month. Of course "at least 2 weeks" usually means "7 months" so..

It's Vancouver. The best I can hope for is that she doesn't eat my food. But in my experience that's the gold standard and shouldn't be expected at all.

 

[warpus]

Is "It's Vancouver" code for "I can't talk to my roomates"?

 

[Synobun]

Is "It's Vancouver" code for "I can't talk to my roomates"?

It's code for "they don't care". But sure, I guess people being knobs can be my own personal failing?

 

[Arakhor]

Well, they're not necessarily mutually exclusive. If your water is metered or anything like that, it wouldn't be too outrageous to have a quick chat with your housemate about that sort of thing.

 

[Lexicus]

It's code for "they don't care". But sure, I guess people being knobs can be my own personal failing?

If you feel you're being treated unfairly you should voice this concern to your roommate. I know it sounds harsh and I do think you are the one being wronged in this situation but if you never actually communicate your concerns with your roommate (and I also want to apologize in advance if there is context here that I've missed, I haven't gone back and read more of the thread as of this writing) it is also to some degree your fault. If you do communicate your concerns and the response is to brush them off, not take them seriously, etc. then you have successfully made it entirely your roommate's fault.

 

[Traitorfish]

but no yeah it was Bernie's fault that the out of touch weirdo lost to a rotten satsuma.

 

[warpus]

It's probably a breach of your lease to have someone stay for 2 weeks. If she wants to stay for free and leech off you guys, I'm sure you could take it to the landlord.

But anyway you are probably right that letting them walk all over you is the way to go. It is only 2 weeks I guess. I suspect it will turn into longer than that though

 

[Takhisis]

I guess people being knobs can be my own personal failing?

Always remember that you yourself count as people. It'll help you a lot in the future.

 

[Synobun]

If you feel you're being treated unfairly you should voice this concern to your roommate. I know it sounds harsh and I do think you are the one being wronged in this situation but if you never actually communicate your concerns with your roommate (and I also want to apologize in advance if there is context here that I've missed, I haven't gone back and read more of the thread as of this writing) it is also to some degree your fault. If you do communicate your concerns and the response is to brush them off, not take them seriously, etc. then you have successfully made it entirely your roommate's fault.

Warpus is making the assumption that I'm complaining without having done anything to resolve the source of the complaint, I think? I'm not really sure why. My original post was simply that my roommate lied about the nature of his "friend's" "coming over". This has seemingly progressed into me not doing anything and it's all my fault and I'm letting people walk over me. And also that I am incapable of talking to people.

 

[warpus]

I have an idea, if you dress up exactly like that ^^ and sit on the couch while this "friend" "comes over", then .. wait, that wouldn't resolve anything, but it would be funny

But yeah, man, if someone's crashing at your place for 2 weeks, they better contribute to the bills.

 

[Arakhor]

Aren't misunderstandings grand?

 

[Synobun]

Aren't misunderstandings grand?

That's too expensive.

 

[Lexicus]

Warpus is making the assumption that I'm complaining without having done anything to resolve the source of the complaint, I think? I'm not really sure why. My original post was simply that my roommate lied about the nature of his "friend's" "coming over". This has seemingly progressed into me not doing anything and it's all my fault and I'm letting people walk over me. And also that I am incapable of talking to people.

Gah, see, I really didn't want to provoke this kind of defensive reaction! I'm sorry! I don't think any of those things! To be clear, his behavior is entirely his fault, but any problems it causes in your relationship with him will also be partially your fault if you do not make an effort to raise these concerns with him.
Now, it is true that I assumed you had not done anything like that yet. Is that assumption incorrect? If so I apologize and you can disregard everything I've said.

 

[warpus]

I reckon without misunderstandings we wouldn't have human civilization. Hey Vincour, if you want I'll come visit for 2 weeks to make things even more awkward.

 

[Synobun]

Now, it is true that I assumed you had not done anything like that yet. Is that assumption incorrect? If so I apologize and you can disregard everything I've said.

This current roommate and I have an understanding that if either of us are having anyone over, we let the other person know who and for how long.

Which is what he did. He approached me, telling me he was having a friend over 'tomorrow' (now yesterday) for a few hours in the evening. Then tomorrow comes around and it's his girlfriend from Japan (he is from Japan also) arriving with her luggage. She got here before he did and so I asked her how long she was staying. Told me she was staying here with [Roommate] until October. He comes home, he confirms. I ask the obvious question of why he lied, he says "I don't know".

Legally speaking, as @warpus mentioned, I can go to the landlord and get them to either kick the girlfriend out or make them pay a portion of the rent, but this also comes with the realization that I'll have acted against my roommate's interests. People don't like that, and it's something I've done in the past when talking to the person themselves doesn't pan out. The usual response is "I'll do what I want" or some variation of that, which is fair I suppose, but ultimately non-ideal for the person/people you're living with and on a lease with. The issue with going over the roommate's head is that this would most likely create a hostile living environment and that's not something I can 'afford'. I live in this neighbourhood around 200-300 dollars below the market rate for an equivalent living space and it's essentially in the middle between all of my medical necessities. Needing to move because of a bad living situation would also entail no longer being in Vancouver and thus no longer being in my medical program or anywhere near my specialists/doctors. Avoiding anything that would outright be in resistance to the person I'm living with is the 'safe' choice (IMO).

So the only realistic option available to me is talking to the roommate, and that's something I've done. His girlfriend didn't bring money for a hotel/AirBnB and their plan hinged on her spending her time here in this apartment. "She's here now and she's staying." This is about par for the course when it comes to my experiences living in Vancouver; I've gone through probably 10~ different roommates in 3 years and the usual response is "deal with it" if you don't like what the person you're living with is doing or if they've lied about something. That being said, I've almost exclusively lived with foreigners who are only here in Canada temporarily. My only experience with living with someone who actually intends on staying in Canada/was born here was someone dependent on drugs who apologized just before moving out and going clean. So my experiences here have been less than ideal (which is where my comment about them "not eating my food is the gold standard" came from).

I don't blame those here temporarily for having that approach. They're only here for a year before needing to go back to their home country. I probably wouldn't waste my time trying to accommodate the person I'm living with either. It just sucks for me as the one not being accommodated.

That was a far longer explanation than I wanted to give over an off-hand complaint. Feel loved!

 

[Akka]

I ask the obvious question of why he lied, he says "I don't know".

Wait, what ? 0_o

That's... wow.
Well, anyway if they're from Japan and not yet completely westernized, you might pressure them with a bit of context-dependant passive-aggressive behaviour.
Or just yelling a good amount and shaming them.

 

[warpus]

@Vincour, I don't get why you don't just ask your roommate to compensate you financially for her 2 week long stay. That's very reasonable. It's not like it's going to break the bank. In this situation I'd imagine that this is the normal thing to do, so it wouldn't be unexpected either.

Alternatively this might be a great time to start practicing your nudism

 

[JohannaK]

but no yeah it was Bernie's fault that the out of touch weirdo lost to a rotten satsuma.

Must be that it is midnight but I dont get it.

 

[Synobun]

@Vincour, I don't get why you don't just ask your roommate to compensate you financially for her 2 week long stay. That's very reasonable.

I don't disagree but only the people who have already bought into this mentality will agree with the "very reasonable" part of that recommendation.