Random Rants LXXXIX: I HATE MOVING!

[Syno]

Not seeing the "disgusting argument" where he's supposedly saying you should be assaulted.

I guess I could see that interpretation with "when you can." But to me that requires being uncharitable.

 

[MaryKB]

*sigh* Oh sweet Synsensa ...

You always need to consider context. He made that reply after several of us said we were uncomfortable with being forced into certain physical interactions. He replies saying that you need touch, so take it when you can. He's directly stating this as a refute to people (myself included) expressing our discomfort with these acts of touching.

In a total vacuum, his post is different (still wrong, but not gross) But it's not in a vacuum.

 

[The_J]

Hand shaking now constitutes harassment?

 

[Kyriakos]

Hand shaking now constitutes harassment?

It is often different with women. I recall not finding a female fellow-student attractive, but it still felt nice when she pre-emptively kissed me (not in the mouth ) when I was just minding my business and trying to drink some vodka in the university bar.
It may have been that the professor - who had just told me to take the lesson off and go drink... - told them to be nice to me or something.

 

[H4run]

Posting in this forum for quite long I think it's beyond questioning that BJ posted this with a good intention and in the context of a good formed (polite and genuine) physical contact.

However this well intended gesture also must put into consideration of some people or culture that might feel not comfortable for such physical contact, be that well intended or not.

 

[MaryKB]

*sigh*

Bad Touch is Bad Touch. It doesn't matter how insignificant you think it is. If the other person is uncomfortable, it's unwanted and wrong. We need to move past this whole forced-handshaking thing.

@haroon I don't doubt BJ's intentions, but that's irrelevant. His post was, at best, oblivious.

 

[The_J]

You might want to consider what the average sensitivity level of the general population is (including touching, but not only), and if you might or might not be an outlier.

 

[H4run]

You might want to consider what the average sensitivity level of the general population is (including touching, but not only), and if you might or might not be an outlier.

I guess most of us here in some or another way might be an outlier to the general crowd. However I think this is where understanding and tolerance kicks in, that's when the larger crowd able to accommodate the smaller community or individual within their body, if not it can turned into a tyranny of the majority. I disagree without discounting any respect that I have for you J.

 

[The_J]

Yes, for sure, you're right.
But there's a difference between saying "I don't like to be forced to do X", and "I'd like that the whole society to change their standards because of me".
EDIT: We're talking right now about a harmless courtesy gesture, right? If you don't like it, you have the option to say no, and it's not necessary to say "Eww, I feel threatened, this is disgusting". You're actually not forced to do anything, you can say no.
For some things, you just need to admit that it's you, and not everyone else . I don't like to sit backwards in the bus. I don't demand that the bus companies don't install seats backwards anymore. This is me. I'm not forced to do it. So I don't.


And now an actual rant:
I don't know what's wrong with Netflix' password management system.
I basically need to reset my password each time, and I do it each time to 1 of 2 different options, so I know that one of them are right, but Netflix never accepts it. What can be so complicated there ?

 

[H4run]

"I don't like to be forced to do X", and "I'd like that the whole society to change their standards because of me".

Well that's worst indeed.

 

[Kyriakos]

Well that's worst indeed.

What is "Paris Van Java"?

 

[H4run]

What is "Paris Van Java"?

Good question. That's another name that colonial Dutch gave to a city called Bandung in Indonesia.

 

[Sommerswerd]

Hand shaking now constitutes harassment?

I've served in my local Town Government with a woman who could not be touched under any circumstances due to her strict religious beliefs. So she was not allowed to shake hands. She was Jewish and a follower of a form of Judaism, but I forget which. I also had a study partner when I was studying for the Bar who was following a strict form of Islam whereby she was not allowed to be touched by men. She wasn't studying for the bar, but she was studying for something else, maybe MCATS. Anyway, she and her friend would sit at the table with me and the guys I was studying with and we would all chat and eat together and such.

The no touching thing isn't that big of a deal, unless you're a really touchy feely person, in which case it would take some getting used to I guess. The point is that for a woman like these ladies I mentioned, they would understandably feel some discomfort with people insisting on shaking their hands and/or giving them a hard time about refusing to do so. That's just what sprung to mind when I saw your question.

 

[MaryKB]

There is a social stigma if you opt-out of partaking in customs, such as handshaking. Do you know how often it's said that "To have a good interview, you need to have a firm handshake?"

Physical contact should never be expected, especially amongst strangers. If you're close with someone and you wish to do so, then wonderful!

 

[aimeeandbeatles]

Do you know how often it's said that "To have a good interview, you need to have a firm handshake?"

Just spit on your hand first and see if they still want to do the firm handshake thing.

 

[Sommerswerd]

Just spit on your hand first and see if they still want to do the firm handshake thing.

You don't need to go through all that... covid is a fine excuse to opt out of all handshaking.

 

[H4run]

Just spit on your hand first and see if they still want to do the firm handshake thing.

And they spit back their hand and prepare for the firm handshake,

Run! (Out of the interviewer room never look back).

 

[Colon]

Even after, like what, 30 years of existence, MS Word stays unintuitive cumbersome crap.

 

[warpus]

What the H!! All of a sudden only my Everest thread is [RD], I just noticed this

Clearly I did not get some memo. Which does not surprise me, as I don't read any of the memos that I do receive

I guess I can probably read about this somewhere here, if I just look around a bit. But the first thing I thought of was the rants thread, so here I am

Now I feel like the only kid who dressed up for halloween

 

[The_J]

I've served in my local Town Government with a woman who could not be touched under any circumstances due to her strict religious beliefs. So she was not allowed to shake hands. She was Jewish and a follower of a form of Judaism, but I forget which. I also had a study partner when I was studying for the Bar who was following a strict form of Islam whereby she was not allowed to be touched by men. She wasn't studying for the bar, but she was studying for something else, maybe MCATS. Anyway, she and her friend would sit at the table with me and the guys I was studying with and we would all chat and eat together and such.

The no touching thing isn't that big of a deal, unless you're a really touchy feely person, in which case it would take some getting used to I guess. The point is that for a woman like these ladies I mentioned, they would understandably feel some discomfort with people insisting on shaking their hands and/or giving them a hard time about refusing to do so. That's just what sprung to mind when I saw your question.

Oh, interesting, I didn't know this existed.
It's an unusual case though, right?

Also: Nothing prevents her from not shaking hands.
I've not shook hands before when I was sick. I said I was sick, and that I'd therefore not shake hands.
You can do that with any other reason too.
If it's unusual, then people might look weird. But that's what happens when something unusual happens .

There is a social stigma if you opt-out of partaking in customs, such as handshaking. Do you know how often it's said that "To have a good interview, you need to have a firm handshake?"

Physical contact should never be expected, especially amongst strangers. If you're close with someone and you wish to do so, then wonderful!

So... this boils down to you not having enough courage to stand up for yourself (by e.g. saying you'd prefer to not shake hands), and therefore you expect everyone else to change?

You're also...not sure if I want to say "missing the point". You say you should not expect physical contact from strangers, but only if you're close to someone. But physical contact (we're still talking about shaking hands...) helps bonding, and making a stranger...er... not a stranger.
Your suggestion would basically obliterate normal ways of human interactions.