Random Raves νγ: Pizza!

[Birdjaguar]

 

[Synobun]

I had been diligent in weighing myself every week for the past two years, and enjoyed a fairly constant, steady decline over that period. Then the breakup happened, then emergency surgery happened, then a bad recovery happened, and then having a total upheaval of my future happened, all the while dealing with extreme emotional turmoil. I slipped with my binge eating and lost control a little, and started regaining weight.

Checking in every week was antagonizing me, so a few months ago I stopped tracking, and I was at 234.2 pounds then. I had gained 12 pounds between October and February. On a whim, I checked my weight today, and I'm... 234.2 pounds. So it looks like I have managed to get the binge eating back under control, ish. Maybe I can get started with losing again.

So far, so good. Already down four pounds.

Actually, the drop is too quick. I need to slow it down. It's not water weight so I need to raise my calories a bit. But being able to drop some weight again is a good sign since I've had access to overeating and haven't done it.

On another note... This month has felt unusually good. Not in terms of mood, but in terms of self-image. I don't know if it'll last, but it's enjoyable to experience. I've gotten closer to a few people in a really gainful way, met someone IRL (I haven't made a local friend in 8 years), and have been making fairly significant strides in re-socializing myself after so much isolation the past decade plus. My flat affect is much better now. "Robot" no more! Well, still sort of a robot. But less. I am excited to no longer be the person who is hopeless, alone, irreparably shattered. It becomes your identity after a while. I don't know what it's like to not be that, but I figure I should try to find out.

Also, after a lot of emotional turmoil, my relationship with my ex has... lightened. It's strange. It's good. I always felt like the situation wasn't right. Everyone in my life has been telling me all year to just drop it. Let it go. Walk away, scorched earth. I always refused, certain that there was something to fight for. It got to the point that I started questioning myself, worried that I thought this out of maladjusted desperation/obsession. But I could not shake the feeling that we were not done. There've been the cycles of extreme hurt, that cut me deeply, that cut her deeply. This month, it plummeted to the point that I had gotten close to giving up. Then, suddenly, something clicked. A connection was made again. I think, maybe, that I am getting my friend back. Or at least get the opportunity to turn the sharpness into something softer. I have no idea what it will be, but in the meantime, I appreciate that all the things that would haunt me normally no longer do. I appreciate that the terrible final memories are being replaced with something better.

It also makes me feel a lot better about my plan to visit Europe for my 30th birthday next year. I didn't do it this year because I would be so close. (In hindsight, good decision regardless. I would not have been physically capable of the trip.) This makes it a lot easier, less stressful, less anxiety-inducing to plan. I mean, lots and lots can change between now and then, but the simple process of not being tortured anymore alone increases the likelihood of me being able to go on such a trip and actually enjoy myself.

 

[really]

I like the random nature of stories in the local paper. (Not particularly the stories themselves, just how random and local they are)
Young seagulls falling to their death as they walk out of nests onto hot rooftiles then falling off trying to get away from the heat.
Three brothers (one 6'6") getting drunk and causing trouble on a small island in the Atlantic, the only police officer having to call for backup from the city who took hours to arrive by boat and then having to take them back by boat to the city as the island didn't have a cell to lock them up till sober.
Seeing someone I know in a picture.
Edit: Reading the court reports - abuse of alcohol causes so much trouble.

 

[Chukchi Husky]

My bank account has now been sorted out and I finally have my new bank card. There was a problem with my account, my dad put a password on the account that I had no way of knowing.

 

[EgonSpengler]

The subway was almost empty today. Everybody who wanted to sit pretty much had a whole bench to themselves. I guess a lot of people are treating this as a full holiday week.

 

[Ajidica]

Just had a second round of interviews at a place I'm really confident about. For this one they had the VP of HR, the CEO, a board member who was brought in for consult, and the CFO. The commercial director was going to call in but couldn't get the wifi at his vacation cabin to work.
It is a small company, but still. You don't bring in the CEO and board members for candidates you are meh about.

 

[Sommerswerd]

Fixed my old-a** garage door opener (not the remote, the actual machine in the garage with the chains and pulleys and whatnot). I deserve a cookie... or better yet, a pie... I'm having pie... and not videogame pie, real pie. I'm having chicken pot pie and no one can stop me.

 

[Ajidica]

Fixed my old-a** garage door opener (not the remote, the actual machine in the garage with the chains and pulleys and whatnot). I deserve a cookie... or better yet, a pie... I'm having pie... and not videogame pie, real pie. I'm having chicken pot pie and no one can stop me.

 

[Sommerswerd]

I fixed a broken toilet last night, but I didn't feel like that was worth a rave

 

[Valka D'Ur]

Fixed my old-a** garage door opener (not the remote, the actual machine in the garage with the chains and pulleys and whatnot). I deserve a cookie... or better yet, a pie... I'm having pie... and not videogame pie, real pie. I'm having chicken pot pie and no one can stop me.

Chicken pot pie - the made-in-the-store-deli kind - has been a staple in my diet for some time now. There are some in my fridge now, sitting there quietly, waiting to be microwaved and eaten, with the dish being given a final going over by Maddy.

I wonder if anyone's tried to make cookies with chicken in the ingredients...

 

[JohannaK]

So far, so good. Already down four pounds.

Actually, the drop is too quick. I need to slow it down. It's not water weight so I need to raise my calories a bit. But being able to drop some weight again is a good sign since I've had access to overeating and haven't done it.

On another note... This month has felt unusually good. Not in terms of mood, but in terms of self-image. I don't know if it'll last, but it's enjoyable to experience. I've gotten closer to a few people in a really gainful way, met someone IRL (I haven't made a local friend in 8 years), and have been making fairly significant strides in re-socializing myself after so much isolation the past decade plus. My flat affect is much better now. "Robot" no more! Well, still sort of a robot. But less. I am excited to no longer be the person who is hopeless, alone, irreparably shattered. It becomes your identity after a while. I don't know what it's like to not be that, but I figure I should try to find out.

Also, after a lot of emotional turmoil, my relationship with my ex has... lightened. It's strange. It's good. I always felt like the situation wasn't right. Everyone in my life has been telling me all year to just drop it. Let it go. Walk away, scorched earth. I always refused, certain that there was something to fight for. It got to the point that I started questioning myself, worried that I thought this out of maladjusted desperation/obsession. But I could not shake the feeling that we were not done. There've been the cycles of extreme hurt, that cut me deeply, that cut her deeply. This month, it plummeted to the point that I had gotten close to giving up. Then, suddenly, something clicked. A connection was made again. I think, maybe, that I am getting my friend back. Or at least get the opportunity to turn the sharpness into something softer. I have no idea what it will be, but in the meantime, I appreciate that all the things that would haunt me normally no longer do. I appreciate that the terrible final memories are being replaced with something better.

It also makes me feel a lot better about my plan to visit Europe for my 30th birthday next year. I didn't do it this year because I would be so close. (In hindsight, good decision regardless. I would not have been physically capable of the trip.) This makes it a lot easier, less stressful, less anxiety-inducing to plan. I mean, lots and lots can change between now and then, but the simple process of not being tortured anymore alone increases the likelihood of me being able to go on such a trip and actually enjoy myself.

I'm so glad.

When my ex broke up with me I hoped we'd remain friends and I guess we do, but just as that kind of friend you talk to once every few months, which is honestly a bit sad. I don't think there was really any hurt there, beyond the breakup itself, and I do wish we'd go back to playing games together every now and then, but oh well.

It is what it is. It's fine. My rl people told me being friends was an awful idea and a red flag and whatever and... I don't know, is this really what cis monoamorous NT people do.

 

[Sommerswerd]

I'm so glad.

When my ex broke up with me I hoped we'd remain friends and I guess we do, but just as that kind of friend you talk to once every few months, which is honestly a bit sad. I don't think there was really any hurt there, beyond the breakup itself, and I do wish we'd go back to playing games together every now and then, but oh well.

It is what it is. It's fine. My rl people told me being friends was an awful idea and a red flag and whatever and... I don't know, is this really what cis monoamorous NT people do.

Its the same for everyone. Clean breaks with exes sometimes work best whenever possible. Obviously when you and the ex have kids together or own businesses, property, workplaces etc., or attend the same school its more complicated/difficult, but continued contact often just leads to confused, hurt feelings and lack of closure.

 

[Synobun]

I'm so glad.

When my ex broke up with me I hoped we'd remain friends and I guess we do, but just as that kind of friend you talk to once every few months, which is honestly a bit sad. I don't think there was really any hurt there, beyond the breakup itself, and I do wish we'd go back to playing games together every now and then, but oh well.

It is what it is. It's fine. My rl people told me being friends was an awful idea and a red flag and whatever and... I don't know, is this really what cis monoamorous NT people do.

I have noticed that all the "normal" people I know are the ones who believe anything cordial with an ex is some terrible monstrosity or impossibility, yeah. It's never really made sense to me, but I am also very selective and am generally solid on "picking" a partner in a way that they are genuinely good people I like to know and want to keep. I guess if I was getting into relationships with awful people it'd make more sense and I'd be more open to scorched earth. But in general, I find that the pain of nothing is worse than the pain of proximity, usually. (Barring terrible conflicts that cannot be resolved with continued proximity.) My best friend is an ex.

Anyway, it is possible, perhaps even likely, it will fade into nothing and go back to what it was. There are factors that likely make it impossible for us to ever be anything real again, and she's moved on and is happy. In the meantime, I am taking advantage of just not being tortured anymore. There is still a lot of pain, a lot of ruminating and anxiety. But I have been better able to reclaim things (like Hades, certain books, certain experiences) that were previously persona non grata in my mind, doomed to being behind a glass window forever. It has been nice to know things again, about her. A lot of the time, what frustrated me most was simply not knowing what she thinks or feels, and this possibly offers a way to actually figure that out. I know how I felt. I know what I thought. But not knowing anything from her end makes for a warped, bitter perspective. I think, in a way, I'm trying to use this time to get to a point where I can move forward and not be stuck anymore, because that is what I have been since it ended. I doubt I will be ready to try and build something new with someone else anytime soon regardless, but I would at least like the process toward getting to that point again to not be a miserable slog.

You can go see your ex next week, silly.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

I have noticed that all the "normal" people I know are the ones who believe anything cordial with an ex is some terrible monstrosity or impossibility, yeah.

It really depends on the people and the circumstances of the breakup. If it's a case of both realizing it isn't working out but they still basically like each other as friends, that's much better than trying to stick it out and possibly ending up hating each other (or at least one ends up hating the other).

Kids are an important factor in this, of course. My dad got custody, and never badmouthed my mother to me even when he thought she was being ridiculous (if he had an opinion about her second husband, he never mentioned it in my hearing).

My mother... thankfully did not get custody and never missed an opportunity to badmouth my dad, or (after she died) my grandmother and grandfather - the people who raised me when she made it plain that she'd prefer not to, thankyouverymuch.

They were cordial for awhile after my grandmother died, and then when I spent so long in the hospital. She helped a bit when my dad had to go into the hospital and then the first of many nursing homes.

Then it all went to hell and she could never say one positive thing about any of them. So if your breakup is mostly cordial and you're not fighting over things that really aren't important enough to hate someone over, that shows emotional maturity I wish my mother had shown.

(at one point she said to me, 'just because we've been friendly these past couple of weeks, you know it doesn't mean we're getting back together, right?' - and I managed not to roll my eyes and tell her of course I know that's not what it means, stop making it clear how stupid you think I am, and I wouldn't want you back in my life on an everyday basis anyway because we'd probably end up in a physical fight over something as trivial as me letting the cat sleep under my blankets)

 

[dusters]

Happy Canada day! (Even if it was on 1st of July)

I found this great song from Canadian rock band Metric released today.

 

[Chukchi Husky]

I don't know how it happened. For almost a year now I've been drawing a lot more regularly, most of what I've done up until about a month ago was just practice.

I thought once I start drawing what I wanted instead of just practice, my goal would be to be able to finish a single drawing a month. I'm currenly finishing three drawings a week.

 

[Aiken_Drumn]

I don't know how it happened. For almost a year now I've been drawing a lot more regularly, most of what I've done up until about a month ago was just practice.

I thought once I start drawing what I wanted instead of just practice, my goal would be to be able to finish a single drawing a month. I'm currenly finishing three drawings a week.

Come join us in DYOS!

 

[Ajidica]

I got a formal job offer today for a position I am extremely interested in, pays well, good growth opportunities, and I was told when getting the offer letter the CEO -among others I interviewed with - was extremely impressed with me.
So yeah, excited but nervous!
Not sure when I start, its a great relief to have a job now.

 

[Takhisis]

Nice. Allow me to be the first to conglaturate you and also to start a scramble for the next thread.

 

[Synobun]

Nice. Allow me to be the first to conglaturate you and also to start a scramble for the next thread.

What is your favourite kind of egg?