Gori the Grey
The Poster
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2009
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- 12,953
Over on the “January 6 Commission” thread, Aiken Drumn asked
I have an answer to that question, but additionally, it occurred to me that the date should have a “Remember, Remember, the Fifth of November”-style jingle. In both cases, there was an attack on the national legislative body; in both cases the worst possible outcome was averted, but the threat should be kept in the national consciousness. I volunteered to try my hand at composing such a jingle, and the response to that offer was positive.
I set to work. My purpose was to create an equivalent to that well-known four-line commemoration of the Gunpowder Plot. I’ve made eight attempts (then an extra three). More about that in a moment.
First, a little more about prosody than you probably want to know. The meter of the model is fairly simple and straightforward, but with one interesting dimension I had not noticed before I set about trying to imitate it. The odd lines are four-beat, the even lines are three-beat. Mostly it’s in triple meter (two unstressed syllables separating each stressed syllable). But the final line is in duple meter; you could call it iambic trimeter. Because of this indifference regarding unstressed syllables, the jingle is best treated as stress-meter, than syllable-stress meter (so terms like “iambic trimeter” are actually inappropriate).
In that case, unstressed syllables at the beginning or end of a line (and even within the line) can be included or omitted without fundamentally altering the rhythm. So, for example, the first line of “Remember, Remember” starts and ends with an unstressed syllable. The second line omits that in both places. The third line omits it at the beginning. And, again, the final line omits one unstressed syllable in every foot—if that’s how you want to say it; the easier way to say it is that the only regularity the poem observes concerns the number of stresses in a line, not the number of syllables.
I allow myself this same latitude in my own compositions. What that will mean is that certain of my offerings won’t feel as though they exactly fit the sound-contour that “Remember, Remember” has fixed in your mind. Nevertheless, I am observing the poem’s basic meter. One has to allow each of my poems to realize that meter in its own fashion. That doesn’t require anything more than observing the normal stress level of each word in delivering each jingle.
The word “January” went right out the window. It doesn’t rhyme with anything and it doesn’t fit the predominantly triple meter. One could technically use it in that final line, if one observes the double meter of that line, but one would want to follow with “sixth” and that doesn’t rhyme with anything.
Here’s what I came up with. The reason I’ve written eight (plus three) is that it only gradually occurred to me what poetic qualities in “Remember, Remember,” I was seeking to duplicate--mostly its simplicity and directness, and various of my early attempts failed to achieve that simplicity. Even the one I’m happiest with fails fully to do so. I’m not sure I can do better on that count, for reasons I will indicate. Usually, when I write verse, I’m trying to be clever, but “Remember, Remember” isn’t clever, so as I worked, I had to discipline myself out of my usual mode. Still, along the way, I got a clearer and clearer sense of what I was aiming for, so I share my compositional process.
This one’s actually okay. From it I realized that I wanted my jingle to have the same two dimensions as the original: an evocation of what was wrong about the attack, and an exhortation to keep the event in mind.
This one is one of those that is too clever by half. As I said, the word “January” never gets used, because it doesn’t fit the meter, but here I find a way plausibly to work “November” into my poem about January 6, and that amused me.
It was with this one that I came to realize an important difference between “Remember, Remember” and any jingle commemorating January 6th. “Remember, Remember” is addressed to all Englishmen, and it presupposes that all will enthusiastically join in condemning Guy Fawkes. One would like it to be the case that all Americans would condemn what happened in January 6th. But in fact that is not the case. In our present political circumstances, one can unfortunately only realistically hope that half the nation will enthusiastically join one in voicing the jingle. This one explicitly only assumes that audience; “the us” is only half (well 81/154ths) of the nation. However, I can’t give up wishing that everyone would join in condemning what happened on January 6th. So the next two try framing the event in terms that should horrify every American.
That one and the next, then, were my attempt to appeal to all right-thinking Americans: that what happened is wrong, should without reservation be condemned, and that if a political candidate won’t condemn such a horrific thing, a voter of either party should be appalled.
This one has the same aim: to kind of spell out the threat in terms that could conceivably appeal even to the right. But it moves me into a kind of lecturing mode that isn’t at all in accord with the full-throated vehemence of the original, and that tells particularly in the doesn’t-roll-off-the-tongue second line.
This is better on that count. It does invite right-thinking members of the right into its assumed audience (those would like to consider themselves defenders of democracy), but it isn’t as lecturey. Here the evocation is just one line and the exhortation is three, so the main transition of the poem is between lines one and two rather than between two and three; it doesn’t have the naturalness of structure that “Remember, Remember” does. By the way, in every case, I am trying (more or less directly) to spell out what was wrong about January 6th. “Remember, Remember” doesn’t need to do that. The author there could just happily assume that his or her entire audience would regard blowing up Parliament as a self-evidently bad thing. I, by contrast, never get away from a certain degree of editorializing.
Here too, the poem splits 1-3, rather than 2-2. One has to remember that in one’s delivery (longish pause after first line; remaining three delivered as a unit of thought). One thing that came in with this one was a specific imperative for remembering: namely, that the threat represented by the January 6th attack isn’t over, and so we can’t afford to let ourselves forget it. That also marks the eighth effort:
So this one was based on the closing idea of the last one: that there is a reason for keeping it in mind and that reason is that the threat is ongoing. But I like it that the second line parallels the model. If there’s a three syllable word with the same accentuation pattern as “reVULsion” but meaning anger, it could be slotted in instead (though I like the “re” in “re-vulsion”).
So there you go. Tell me what you think. By all means try your own, but I will be as merciless with you as I am with myself regarding metrical matters; almost all there is to the poem is its rhythm; that has to be preserved.
I’ll probably keep diddling (in fact, see three extras below; thinking I was done freed me to try new directions), but I’ve come to the conclusion that one can’t match the straightforwardness of the original because one can’t assume consensus in one’s audience regarding the event in question. The author of “Remember, Remember” could count on “Gunpowder, treason and plot” to be universally condemned, whereas I’m always half trying to say “hey, you idiots over there, can’t you see what’s wrong with this thing?” This eighth one goes back to giving them up. This is the chant for people who were and are outraged by what happened on the Sixth of January, to keep that outrage fixed in their minds; the speaker of it is a member of and spokesman for that body.
The extras:
That last one does have its own kind of effectiveness. But it comes at the cost of putting all the focus on Trump, where the others have tried to stress the shared responsibility of Trump and Trumpists.
How should we celebrate the anniversary of J6 when it comes?
I have an answer to that question, but additionally, it occurred to me that the date should have a “Remember, Remember, the Fifth of November”-style jingle. In both cases, there was an attack on the national legislative body; in both cases the worst possible outcome was averted, but the threat should be kept in the national consciousness. I volunteered to try my hand at composing such a jingle, and the response to that offer was positive.
I set to work. My purpose was to create an equivalent to that well-known four-line commemoration of the Gunpowder Plot. I’ve made eight attempts (then an extra three). More about that in a moment.
First, a little more about prosody than you probably want to know. The meter of the model is fairly simple and straightforward, but with one interesting dimension I had not noticed before I set about trying to imitate it. The odd lines are four-beat, the even lines are three-beat. Mostly it’s in triple meter (two unstressed syllables separating each stressed syllable). But the final line is in duple meter; you could call it iambic trimeter. Because of this indifference regarding unstressed syllables, the jingle is best treated as stress-meter, than syllable-stress meter (so terms like “iambic trimeter” are actually inappropriate).
In that case, unstressed syllables at the beginning or end of a line (and even within the line) can be included or omitted without fundamentally altering the rhythm. So, for example, the first line of “Remember, Remember” starts and ends with an unstressed syllable. The second line omits that in both places. The third line omits it at the beginning. And, again, the final line omits one unstressed syllable in every foot—if that’s how you want to say it; the easier way to say it is that the only regularity the poem observes concerns the number of stresses in a line, not the number of syllables.
I allow myself this same latitude in my own compositions. What that will mean is that certain of my offerings won’t feel as though they exactly fit the sound-contour that “Remember, Remember” has fixed in your mind. Nevertheless, I am observing the poem’s basic meter. One has to allow each of my poems to realize that meter in its own fashion. That doesn’t require anything more than observing the normal stress level of each word in delivering each jingle.
The word “January” went right out the window. It doesn’t rhyme with anything and it doesn’t fit the predominantly triple meter. One could technically use it in that final line, if one observes the double meter of that line, but one would want to follow with “sixth” and that doesn’t rhyme with anything.
Here’s what I came up with. The reason I’ve written eight (plus three) is that it only gradually occurred to me what poetic qualities in “Remember, Remember,” I was seeking to duplicate--mostly its simplicity and directness, and various of my early attempts failed to achieve that simplicity. Even the one I’m happiest with fails fully to do so. I’m not sure I can do better on that count, for reasons I will indicate. Usually, when I write verse, I’m trying to be clever, but “Remember, Remember” isn’t clever, so as I worked, I had to discipline myself out of my usual mode. Still, along the way, I got a clearer and clearer sense of what I was aiming for, so I share my compositional process.
1) Remember the mob, the flag used as a pike,
To grab what the vote didn’t give.
Remember the Sixth for as long as you’d like
Democracy to live.
This one’s actually okay. From it I realized that I wanted my jingle to have the same two dimensions as the original: an evocation of what was wrong about the attack, and an exhortation to keep the event in mind.
2) Remember the Sixth, the noose and the stack,
The mob and its stoking, remember.
One party has yet to condemn the attack--
Remember that every November.
This one is one of those that is too clever by half. As I said, the word “January” never gets used, because it doesn’t fit the meter, but here I find a way plausibly to work “November” into my poem about January 6, and that amused me.
3) Remember the Sixth: the man and the mob
Who refused to abide by our choice.
Eighty one million of us they would rob,
Their violence throttle our voice.
It was with this one that I came to realize an important difference between “Remember, Remember” and any jingle commemorating January 6th. “Remember, Remember” is addressed to all Englishmen, and it presupposes that all will enthusiastically join in condemning Guy Fawkes. One would like it to be the case that all Americans would condemn what happened in January 6th. But in fact that is not the case. In our present political circumstances, one can unfortunately only realistically hope that half the nation will enthusiastically join one in voicing the jingle. This one explicitly only assumes that audience; “the us” is only half (well 81/154ths) of the nation. However, I can’t give up wishing that everyone would join in condemning what happened on January 6th. So the next two try framing the event in terms that should horrify every American.
4) Remember the mob, though the cops tried to stem it,
How it trampled and smashed and it smote.
If someone seeks office who doesn’t condemn it,
Never give them your vote.
That one and the next, then, were my attempt to appeal to all right-thinking Americans: that what happened is wrong, should without reservation be condemned, and that if a political candidate won’t condemn such a horrific thing, a voter of either party should be appalled.
5) Remember! When one won’t concede and stokes doubts,
To grasp power provokes insurrection,
It isn’t the vote he just lost that he flouts
But the very idea of election.
This one has the same aim: to kind of spell out the threat in terms that could conceivably appeal even to the right. But it moves me into a kind of lecturing mode that isn’t at all in accord with the full-throated vehemence of the original, and that tells particularly in the doesn’t-roll-off-the-tongue second line.
6) Remember that rage, that fury, that ire.
From those who desire to defend it
Democracy needs as much passion and fire,
As burns in those who would end it.
This is better on that count. It does invite right-thinking members of the right into its assumed audience (those would like to consider themselves defenders of democracy), but it isn’t as lecturey. Here the evocation is just one line and the exhortation is three, so the main transition of the poem is between lines one and two rather than between two and three; it doesn’t have the naturalness of structure that “Remember, Remember” does. By the way, in every case, I am trying (more or less directly) to spell out what was wrong about January 6th. “Remember, Remember” doesn’t need to do that. The author there could just happily assume that his or her entire audience would regard blowing up Parliament as a self-evidently bad thing. I, by contrast, never get away from a certain degree of editorializing.
7) Remember the Sixth! That upheaval remember!
Until it’s condemned every day,
Without reservation, by every House member,
It is still underway.
Here too, the poem splits 1-3, rather than 2-2. One has to remember that in one’s delivery (longish pause after first line; remaining three delivered as a unit of thought). One thing that came in with this one was a specific imperative for remembering: namely, that the threat represented by the January 6th attack isn’t over, and so we can’t afford to let ourselves forget it. That also marks the eighth effort:
8) Remember the Sixth, like a lit match to gas.
Falsehoods, incitement and plot.
Never allow your revulsion to pass
Because the threat has not.
So this one was based on the closing idea of the last one: that there is a reason for keeping it in mind and that reason is that the threat is ongoing. But I like it that the second line parallels the model. If there’s a three syllable word with the same accentuation pattern as “reVULsion” but meaning anger, it could be slotted in instead (though I like the “re” in “re-vulsion”).
So there you go. Tell me what you think. By all means try your own, but I will be as merciless with you as I am with myself regarding metrical matters; almost all there is to the poem is its rhythm; that has to be preserved.
I’ll probably keep diddling (in fact, see three extras below; thinking I was done freed me to try new directions), but I’ve come to the conclusion that one can’t match the straightforwardness of the original because one can’t assume consensus in one’s audience regarding the event in question. The author of “Remember, Remember” could count on “Gunpowder, treason and plot” to be universally condemned, whereas I’m always half trying to say “hey, you idiots over there, can’t you see what’s wrong with this thing?” This eighth one goes back to giving them up. This is the chant for people who were and are outraged by what happened on the Sixth of January, to keep that outrage fixed in their minds; the speaker of it is a member of and spokesman for that body.
The extras:
9) The Sixth can elicit revulsion or fear;
Your response can mix anger and grief,
But this man and his motives and methods are clear;
Don’t let it include disbelief.
10) Though one’s loath to recall with what Vandal-like glee,
As they meet any barrier, they break it,
Our resolve to retain our republic must be
As untiring as theirs is to take it.
11) Remember he’ll gladly use fraud or use force.
Remember what you witnessed then.
Remember he’s never shown any remorse.
Remember he’d try it again.
That last one does have its own kind of effectiveness. But it comes at the cost of putting all the focus on Trump, where the others have tried to stress the shared responsibility of Trump and Trumpists.