Roll To Dodge: (Almost) Better Than Bacon

[KaiserElectric]

I go incite a democratic rebellion in Cuba.

(2) The Cubans aren't happy with you for killing Raul Castro, so they throw you in jail for 2 turns. (ie you are stunned.)

I strangle Dommy with his pants.

(18) The soft fabric chokes his windpipe for 13 damage.

I brofist you as a show of apologyness.

(2) I am not so easily swayed, you primordial half-wit!

ROLL TO DODGE

(18) Then again, maybe I am.

I'm Irish? Okay, then, I dye my hair red.

(6-1=5) Your hair is now a fiery shade of red. Oh wait, that's not dye, it's actual fire.

5 damage from fire until you extinguish your hair. Oh noes!

The sword attacks Dommy instead of me.

(13) The sword flings out wildly and pokes Dommy for 3 damage.

I commission a sauna to be built to keep warm.

(11) The sauna is quite relaxing! Spend two turns in your sauna to thaw out your iced self.

This jug of whatever came from a bull, it isn't milk. I throw it at... NeedimNapoleon.

(1) It was indeed a quart of delicious milk, silly. Nedim gains 20 hp and a free positive roll on the next roll.

You spelled his name wrong!

ROLL TO DODGE

(20) Darling's lecture is actualy quite interesting, and you sit through it with no problems.

I make a royal request to the king of Sweden (Earthling) for IKEA to give me my free ammos!

(6) Earthling's bodyguards apprehend you and toss you out on your bum.

I go incite a communist rebellion in the United States.

(5) Good idea. You fail, and the US launches another SCUD missile at you.

ROLL TO DODGE

(16) The missile explodes in your face, but you gain temporary healing abilities and quickly regenerate.

I go to the Clothes store and buy new pants.

(15-1=14) You find a pair of thick leather pants, which will absorb 1 damage from any incoming attack.

I become paranoid (Black sabbath style)

(18) You become temporarily insane via wicked sick rock music and attack every other player for 2 damage.

I go to the police and try to get out of trouble by supplying information about the local crime boss.

(3) You are thrown in jail for two days.

I steal and then put on the Street Punk's otufit.

(5) You're too fat for his outfit, and your self-esteem takes a hit for 5 damage.

You mispelled outfit!

ROLL TO DODGE

(12) You take a nap instead of listening to Darling's lecture.

I enter the game and learn how to speak Swedish.

(11) Hurrah for you, you silly billingual!

Big Guy wanders around aimlessly, searching for Sonereal.

 

[NedimNapoleon]

I go on a Holiday in Cambodia (Dead Kennedys style) and I shot rhawn in my paranoid state

 

[Darth Caesar]

I rob a gas station.

 

[Double A]

I offer to cook the bacon and share it.

 

[rhawn]

I bite NedimNapoleon (not hard) just to show him who's boss.

 

[Sonereal]

I break out of jail.

 

[Abaddon]

I train in the art of Kung -Fu

 

[W|M]

I look for an ICBM.

 

[Omega124]

I break out by streaking

 

[civplayah]

Can't anything go right?

I extinguish my hair. Geez.

 

[GhostWriter16]

I buy a shotgun.

 

[Earthling]

I'll stay put and send for some fondue.

 

[NinjaCow64]

I shout curses (the angry kind, not the magic kind) at the Swedish palace. Then I relise that I can use rocks instead of ammos for the bazooka, and it will work just as well. Silly IKEA, using ammos when rocks will work just as well.

 

[KaiserElectric]

I break out by streaking

(20) The prison guard is so disgusted that he forgot you were being held prisoner and throws you a uniform, ordering you to put it on.

Period your sentences, you swine!

ROLL TO DODGE

(1) Darling's lecture is so boring that you bang your head on the desk to a tune of 20 damage.

I rob a gas station.

(9) You enter the gas station, and the cashier pulls a shotgun on you. You beat feat.

I offer to cook the bacon and share it.

(18) Your peace offering gives you good karma for three turns. You can't roll below a five for the duration.

I extinguish my hair. Geez.

(17) You jump into a lake, and your hair is extinguished.

I train in the art of Kung-Fu

(1) REROLL (10) You can't find a trainer.

Why the period shortage here?

ROLL TO DODGE

(11) Darling has no effect, as you are immunized to knowledge.

ROLL TO DODGE

(15) Stab stab stab...is not what the sword does to you.

I'll stay put and send for some fondue.

(15) Mmm, fondue. It's warm, gooey deliciousness (along with the sauna) unfreezes you faster. Next turn you will be unfrozen.

I bite NedimNapoleon (not hard) just to show him who's boss.

(1) He's poisonous. You will lose 10 hp per turn until you are cured or until it wears off.

I shout curses (the angry kind, not the magic kind) at the Swedish palace. Then I relise that I can use rocks instead of ammos for the bazooka, and it will work just as well. Silly IKEA, using ammos when rocks will work just as well.

(20) By the strangest reasoning of all, they do. You pick up eight rock-ets for your faulty bazooka.

Mispelling heathen!

ROLL TO DODGE

(15) Ooh, learning!

I buy a shotgun.

(7) You are also poor and Irish, and cannot afford a shotgun.

I go on a Holiday in Cambodia (Dead Kennedys style) and I shot rhawn in my paranoid state

(19) You plug him twice for 16 damage.

Periods, people! I can't keep correcting you!

(1) AGGGHHH!!! LEARNING!!!! (-10 hp)

I break out of jail.

(18) You suceed! While reveling in your freedom, you knock out Big Guy for two turns.

I look for an ICBM.

(9) Good effort, but those things are suprisingly hard to find. Have you tried eBay?

Big Guy is out cold.

Meanwhile in Japan, a mysterious large box appears in Tokyo.

 

[Double A]

We take over the continent as the People's Democratic Republic of Baconz.

 

[Turquoiside]

I steal a car and drive to the beach.

 

[rhawn]

Another 1? Yeah totally legit. /ragequit

 

[Double A]

He is obviously using D20 that was nuked on the 20 side.

 

[Abaddon]

Rolls are as follows, becuase Thorvald is the man.

Rolls are as follows, becuase Thorvald is the man.

Rolls are as follows, becuase Thorvald is the man.

I ponder the meaning of thus; If God is fallible, is god really god?

 

[NinjaCow64]

Misspelling heathen!

What did I misspell? Was it Bazooka. If so, then . I am Australian, so do vaporise me if I say colour instead color. Color is just wrong!

I fire my Rock-ets at the Dr Pepper Factory in Sweden, freeing the poor enslaved munchkins from cruel slavery (those poor munchkins )