Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[Earthling]

How did a baseball team win the Super Bowl?

Because they were never early or late, but arrived exactly when they meant to?

Spoiler :

changes to the present seem as-yet unspecified. And while it seems obvious you probably ignored me pretty much the whole *First Round* maybe, check out what I've been doing. I bet a lot of us would admit that they only look at the results of their dice rolls and maybe complain afterwards when they see they've lost health due to someone else.

 

[mythmonster2]

Very well, I charge the moose with my bare hands, aiming to snap necks and drink blood.

 

[Earthling]

If you fail, I anticipate it will be on the lack of clarity between the singular and plural noun for moose

 

[Anonymoose]

I have the newly formed telekinetic herd stop the blood-crazed maniac.

 

[Seon]

I enchant the sword with divine flame.

 

[Abaddon]

Cast Soul Reave on bestrfcplayer, claiming his soul if he dies (Since i've essentially ripped it out his body).

 

[kill fire]

Screw you guys, I'm going home!

 

[Omega124]

I buy a machine that turns video game characters into real people, keeping whatever powers they have in the process!

 

[tuxedohamm]

Have a conference with the Keres, explaining my position and luring them to my side.

 

[bestrfcplayer]

Screw you guys, I'm going home!

Ok. Then you lose.

 

[Earthling]

Ok, no response from the peanut gallery again - so I finally manage to equip my DeLorean with its time travel capabilities for the trip home (coordinates still on for Russia in the present day)

 

[Abaddon]

Don't you understand noones gives a poop? Everything is chance, long term plans make no sense.

You prattling on about this "masterplan" you have is yawnworthy. React with glee when it comes off, but going on about it again and again is tiresome.

 

[Earthling]

See, you didn't even read my post, since that's not what I was talking about. Though you're one to talk

 

[kill fire]

Ok. Then you lose.

What makes you say that? I thought that I was going home.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I take kill fire's last five hitpoints out from under him.

5: kill fire takes 50 of your hitpoints instead.

Now that I've arrived at DC, I fire the helicopter's weapons at the rebel forces. The SPARTANS also fire their guns.

Oh, and shouldn't Omega's forces have to dodge Seon's Nuke that went off in Milarqui's Mall?

(I'm a benevolent God. )
The rebels, having already been defeated (forgot to pull them from the front page, sorry) cannot be attacked for any worthwhile effect.

I go back and save Obama's life, and befriend some Secret Service members while I'm at it.

3 (1): The Secret Service perceives you as a hostile and opens fire.
ROLL TO DODGE!
1 (1): You are shot dead.

I go into an abandoned warehouse and search for a lucky charm.

11: You find a four-leaf clover that not only bestows +1 to all rolls, but has alleviated you of your frustration.

Furious in rage of the death of my soldiers, I become a super-human and destroy all of the Secret Service.

18: You inexplicably gain considerable strength, and promptly slaughter the Secret Service agents attacking you.

In my rage to get noticed, I kill mass amounts of puppies.

10: You kill a single puppy barely a week old, and are promptly arrested.

Very well, I charge the moose with my bare hands, aiming to snap necks and drink blood.

12: You let loose a wild fenzy upon the herd, knocking 6 hp out of Anonymoose.

I have the newly formed telekinetic herd stop the blood-crazed maniac.

19: Using their supernatural powers, they immobilize mythmonster2. He cannot perform any physical action until he breaks free from restraint (a pass/fail criterion for rolls).

I enchant the sword with divine flame.

9: You temporarily set the sword on fire, but to no effect.

Cast Soul Reave on bestrfcplayer, claiming his soul if he dies (Since i've essentially ripped it out his body).

12 (14): You are now in possession of the late bestrfcplayer's soul.

Screw you guys, I'm going home!

17: You recover 100 hitpoints and your energy power bonus in your sanctuary.

I buy a machine that turns video game characters into real people, keeping whatever powers they have in the process!

12: You buy the machine for all your cash.

Have a conference with the Keres, explaining my position and luring them to my side.

4 (2): Insulted by your haggling, they take a metaphorical shot at you.
ROLL TO DODGE!
16: You quickly establish who's boss, and they leave you alone.

Ok, no response from the peanut gallery again - so I finally manage to equip my DeLorean with its time travel capabilities for the trip home (coordinates still on for Russia in the present day)

10: The car doesn't start.

 

[TheLastOne36]

I claim the throne of America and rename myself, Emperor of America. I then shoot fireballs at the heli's and SPARTANS.

 

[civplayah]

I "politely" ask kill fire for some hitpoints back. (That's an action, not diplomacy)

 

[Zack]

I kill all the prison guards and escape from prison.

 

[Anonymoose]

Mythmonster, I know you crave blood. You could get more (and be not-destroyed) if you go elsewhere.

 

[Earthling]

7 turns to get my Rocky-montage in I think (this is just for my own sanity)

Since I'll have to do this anyway and need to give the car another break to cool down...I'm going to try to divine what changes happened to the timeline in the present day due to millions of USians watching their Sunday games go differently...perhaps the Cold War hype is lessened, the Soviet Union/Russia doesn't have a disastrous collapse and transitions to a more peaceful, stable state