Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[landlubber]

I apologize to the rhino, and ask him to bring the medical chimp over here ASAP.

 

[civplayah]

Yay! I start forcing people to bow down to my mammalian oligarchy!

 

[Double A]

OMG I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOREVA TO USE THIS.

I head kill fire off at the pass.

 

[kill fire]

Good luck catching a flying guy on foot .

 

[Double A]

Dude, I'm on a horse. Whenever someone says that, they always have a horse.

And in this case, my "horse" is a Ghost.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I work and get promoted

17: You attain the distinction of district surgeon.

I fly to a safe area where I cannot be tracked.

13: You gain a temporary reprieve until the end of next turn.

Great... we... uh... continue eating pizza and wait for something awesome to happen?

19 (20): A dropship containing Space Marines lands before you.

Signal to the Covies to pick me up.

2: They take it a bit too literally and grasp you with a giant metal claw.
ROLL TO DODGE!
6: It doesn't break your bones, but it does squeeze you out of 9 hitpoints.

I start building a super computer

14: You harvest silicon from the beach.

I cause any talk of team fortress (after this one) to cause a -1 to the commentors roll.

9: BUT HOW?!?!

I apologize to the rhino, and ask him to bring the medical chimp over here ASAP.

3: "Something about a shrimp?"
ROLL TO DODGE!
1: The Jumbo Shrimp bursts into the lobby and attacks you for 12 damage. If you guessed "Captain Oilherb Mind Control", you're right!

I start forcing people to bow down to my mammalian oligarchy!

10: They duck to avoid the Jumbo Shrimp.

I head kill fire off at the pass.

5: You run a red light and the police tail you.

TheBladeRoden, Anonymoose, remake20, woodland man, and bestrfcplayer take 10 damage for inactivity.

 

[civplayah]

I calmly approach the shrimp, and ask him if he wants to get an education.

 

[Double A]

The Medic and I get beamed up to the Covie ship, where we are given new medic guns/healed (I think you can figure out who gets what).

This again.

 

[mythmonster2]

Seek medical attention. NAO!

 

[choxorn]

Wow, I'm getting some amazing luck. That scares me, as it means I'm probably going to get crappy luck soon.

But, in the meantime, we finish eating pizza with the Space Marines while we wait for the UNSC Battlegroup to show up.

 

[Seon]

Meanwhile, I prepare a robotic suit for my my comrade. Direct ordered from Seon.inc, making your futures worse.

 

[!!!!!]

i run over woodland man with my back hoe and take all of his stuff (super corn)

 

[Double A]

Wow, I'm getting some amazing luck. That scares me, as it means I'm probably going to get crappy luck soon.

But, in the meantime, we finish eating pizza with the Space Marines while we wait for the UNSC Battlegroup to show up.

Don't mind the Covies.

 

[landlubber]

I become a member of civplayah's animal army.

 

[GenMarshall]

Rebecca, Bill, and I head into a cave

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I calmly approach the shrimp, and ask him if he wants to get an education.

11: "Go on..."

The Medic and I get beamed up to the Covie ship, where we are given new medic guns/healed (I think you can figure out who gets what).

16: You are resupplied 50 hitpoints.

Seek medical attention. NAO!

4: Your squirming looses you from the crane's grip.
ROLL TO DODGE!
9: You manage to roll over onto your back and prevent the knife from splitting you in half, but it's still a painful -10 hitpoints as you hit the ground.

But, in the meantime, we finish eating pizza with the Space Marines while we wait for the UNSC Battlegroup to show up.

2 (3): They pull up a little too close to the surface and scorch you for 14 hitpoints.

Meanwhile, I prepare a robotic suit for my my comrade. Direct ordered from Seon.inc, making your futures worse.

17: Fortunately, it's his size.

i run over woodland man with my back hoe and take all of his stuff (super corn)

10: He steps to the side.

I become a member of civplayah's animal army.

10: You patiently wait for some sort of confirmatory reply.

Rebecca, Bill, and I head into a cave

17: It's full of GOLD!!

 

[choxorn]

I look for something in the UNSC Ships that can heal me.

 

[Seon]

Target: CivGeneral...
Location: Inside a cave...
Ordinance: Railgun Bunkerbuster projectile...
Calculating trajectory...
Fire!

 

[Double A]

The Covies give KFC his daily dose of plasma.

 

[civplayah]

By the way, landlubber, NO! It's not a human army.

I show the shrimp how happy and smart my chimps are, and talk more about the wonders of civilization, assuming he is not civilized.