Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[landlubber]

I twiddle my thumbs until the flight boards.

 

[Seon]

Duck as Red Spy attempts to backstab me and Mythmonster tries to throttle me, thereby dodging both of them and letting them kill each other.

 

[Darth Caesar]

I find out why I can't use it.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I continue bat using bat ammo like nobat's business.

17 (20): You put the ship into death blossom mode.
ROLL TO DODGE!
8: landlubber suffers 8 damage as glass shatters around him.
ROLL TO DODGE!
2 (4): !!!!! nearly takes a hit full in the chest, suffering 17 damage.
ROLL TO DODGE!
14: Seon emerges unscathed.
ROLL TO DODGE!
13 (11): mythmonster2 braces for impact.
ROLL TO DODGE!
20 (18): CivGeneral didn't feel a thing.
ROLL TO DODGE!
4 (1): Red_Spy is die.
ROLL TO DODGE!
3: Terrance888 takes 18 damage.
ROLL TO DODGE!
16: Spleyminy isn't in the firing line.
ROLL TO DODGE!
14: Tlc2011 is shielded from the blast.
ROLL TO DODGE!
2: Skwink Caesar is buffeted about for 22 damage.

I take Seon down with me, by stabbing the my knife in to Seon's back.

5 (2): You fumble your chainsaw knife as you die.

I drag Red_Spy to the hospital.

17: You haul his sorry ass out of the firing line and to Abaddon's clone, who just manages to bring him back. After stemming the bleeding, he begins the arduous process of coaxing him back to health; make sure the healing continues uninterrupted. You have received a Smith and Wesson M&P to make the job easier.

Throttle Seon.

10 (15): The sound of 17 hitpoints escaping is music to your ears.

I toast the bagelmen with the power of the infinity sword!

10 (14): You take a piece of one for yourself.
ROLL TO DODGE!
1 (5): Meanwhile the other one comes up from behind, relieving you of 13 hitpoints.

I twiddle my thumbs until the flight boards.

1: The glass cascades all around you, slicing you for 19 damage and deep cuts worth -11 hp/turn.

Duck as Red Spy attempts to backstab me and Mythmonster tries to throttle me, thereby dodging both of them and letting them kill each other.

7 (9): You fall on top of Red_Spy's discarded chainsaw knife.

I find out why I can't use it.

BECAUSE YOU ARE DEAD.

!!!!!, Spleyminy and Tlc2011 suffer 20 damage for inactivity.

 

[Seon]

I shove the chainsaw knife into mythmonster's scrotum.

 

[Red_Spy]

I continue getting medicated.

 

[landlubber]

...
I ask a female to take me to a hospital. Again.

 

[Skwink]

My gun grows 3 more barrels.

 

[Double A]

I bake a cupcake.

 

[Darth Caesar]

I find a way to achieve victory from heaven.

 

[Terrance888]

I eat the bagelmen chunk, absorbing its power as I lay the smack down on the other one.

 

[mythmonster2]

Finish him!

 

[GenMarshall]

I retrieve my Katana back.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I shove the chainsaw knife into mythmonster's scrotum.

15: GLOIVEN!! THE PAIN AND THE HOITING!! He suffers 33 damage and bleeds out at a rate of -13 hp/turn.

I continue getting medicated.

17 (14): You're patched up an extra 30 hitpoints and your concussion is alleviated.

I ask a female to take me to a hospital. Again.

1 (2): You must've mixed your verbs, because she knees your package for 17 damage.

My gun grows 3 more barrels.

11: It's now a dual pistol.

I bake a cupcake.

5 (8): There's no oven on board.

I find a way to achieve victory from heaven.

Sooner or later, you are going to acknowledge you have lost the game.

I eat the bagelmen chunk, absorbing its power as I lay the smack down on the other one.

14: You assimilate his life force, regaining 50 hitpoints.

Finish him!

16 (20): FATALITY.

I retrieve my Katana back.

4 (2): It's broken. And one of the Bagel Men rolls over you for 16 damage.

 

[Double A]

Well then, I'll just have to fix that. I build a homemade oven out of a squirrel, some string, and an oven.

 

[mythmonster2]

Cure my numbness. I don't want ANY penalty when I get that glass out of my scrotum owie!

Also, CG, at this point, your bad luck is so much I've stopped feeling pity for you and just started laughing without guilt.

 

[Skwink]

I get a part time job as a nurse to help pay off my debt.

 

[Red_Spy]

I get rid of my debt somehow.

 

[Seon]

My corpse bleeds on mythmonster.

 

[Darth Caesar]

I REFUSE TO GIVE UP! I find other people to help me overthrow God!