Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[Thorvald of Lym]

By the by, anyone able to confirm that Skwink left CFC?

 

[Dhoomstriker]

As I engineer (+2) some medical prosthetics (+3) using some of the items in my inventory, I give a resounding speech about unity and brotherhood (+2) that wins the hearts of the Mexican people and the invading 'Mericuhns alike, followed by lowering my Sunglasses of Awesome as voices are heard in the crowd:
Woman 1: "Did you see how deftly he created that prosthetic?"
Man 1: "Yeah... just like his speech... he totally nailed it."

 

[NinjaCow64]

In celebration of Dhoomstriker returning, I change my action.

 

[Verarde]

I invoke the power of the Oxi-Gods to obliterate the Hellcat through serious splattering.

 

[SamSniped]

As I engineer (+2) some medical prosthetics (+3) using some of the items in my inventory, I give a resounding speech about unity and brotherhood (+2) that wins the hearts of the Mexican people and the invading 'Mericuhns alike, followed by lowering my Sunglasses of Awesome as voices are heard in the crowd:
Woman 1: "Did you see how deftly he created that prosthetic?"
Man 1: "Yeah... just like his speech... he totally nailed it."

DHOOMSTRIKER?!


--

I materialize into the world with an M21 sniper rifle in my hand.

 

[Nukeknockout]

Pray to Xun Te Teutionoch, Lord of Asparagus, so that I may know my quest.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I lead my drug buddies and the angry mob to Coup Dhoomstriker, the President of Mexico.

2 (4): In a strike that would make the Bay of Pigs fiasco cringe, you suffer a humbling 20 damage.

I use Rhino mounted Laser weapons to kill them.

15 (16): You push deep into the Russian interior, wresting control of an ICBM launch silo!

As I engineer (+2) some medical prosthetics (+3) using some of the items in my inventory, I give a resounding speech about unity and brotherhood (+2) that wins the hearts of the Mexican people and the invading 'Mericuhns alike, followed by lowering my Sunglasses of Awesome as voices are heard in the crowd:
Woman 1: "Did you see how deftly he created that prosthetic?"
Man 1: "Yeah... just like his speech... he totally nailed it."

4 (10): The Powers That RNG warn you to knock off the stat abuse before bad things happen. Oh, and the Americans counterstrike your counterstrike.
ROLL TO DODGE!
13: You leap off the platform and scurry behind a building.

I invoke the power of the Oxi-Gods to obliterate the Hellcat through serious splattering.

17 (18): You burst out of its digestive tract just in time to (hopefully) patch yourself up before you keel over.

I argue that this should be restarted, as half the players are inactive anyway.

I materialize into the world with an M21 sniper rifle in my hand.

Pray to Xun Te Teutionoch, Lord of Asparagus, so that I may know my quest.

All operators are busy. Please hang up and try next round.


EnglishCrusader and hendo suffer 30 damage for inactivity.

EnglishCrusader bit the bullet.

 

[Marcher Jovian]

I steal an ATV.

 

[Terrance888]

Due to my allegiance to English Crusader, I attempt to bring him back.

 

[Red_Spy]

Try to remember what is going on.

 

[Verarde]

I use my Zorbeez to create a tourniquet that stops my bleeding.

 

[SamSniped]

I try to materialize with my M21 again this round, as the operators told me to do.

 

[Nukeknockout]

Sacrifice a farm family to Xun Te Teutionoch to gain his favor, so that he may intercede with the Operators on my behalf.

 

[MaDaro]

I materialize into this world with a potato.

 

[Dhoomstriker]

A small force of 'Mericuhns tries to sneak up on our position, but Attlee gets the jump on them, using his teeth and claws (+2) to ravage the evil invaders.

 

[MaDaro]

Does it work so we do one action per updste?

Totatoe!

 

[hoplitejoe]

I make a Horace radar.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

Due to my allegiance to English Crusader, I attempt to bring him back.

4 (6): T'would appear he hasn't been on the site for well over a year. Looks like he's permadead this round.

Try to remember what is going on.

18: In July 2011, you found yourself on the African savanna. You looked for a gun only to find a stick; you tried to turn it into a spear, but couldn't find any rocks with which to sharpen it. "Fortunately", you ran into a group of rebels and got a Kalashnikov, before being assigned to make sure Skwink didn't get himself killed leading a coup against America. Unfortunately, you missed the boat out, and were ambushed by government forces searching for another way to Washington, D.C. Returning to Rebel HQ empty-handed, you were given dish duty, but broke a plate and injured yourself trying to fix it. After patching yourself up, you glued it back together and announced you were done playing chef for the day. The rebel leader gave you five bucks, a small squad, and tasked you with procuring some firearms. After a false start, you fond a town with a gun shop; your attempts at misappropriating the wares were rebuffed until you disengaged the gun's safety, at which point the owner was happy to give you the whole stock. You tried to take it all back to base, but realized you needed the boys to help out. After resupplying the rebels, you called up Russia for support and learned they were still the USSR. You then gave CivCube over to the rebels and were promoted to Master Sergeant Shooter Person, with an hourly wage of $8. You tried to find the Doctor, only to meet the Master, who trailed you as you searched for a rebel doctor. You tried to trick him to go after the Doctor, but he kept on you, forcing you to apply some lead-lined negotiations. Unable to patch yourself up, you searched yet again for the rebel medic (who had left during the scuffle), only to stumble upon a government scout who notified the army of the rebels' position. You informed the leader of the impending assault, but, disgusted at their lack of mobility tried to defect to the government, but didn't know where they were. In desperation, you turned to Russia, only to run into the government who shot you on sight. Unable to convince them you were legit, you fled the area, eventually spying a column of men dragging a ship across the savanna. You offered to become their bodyguard in exchange for medical attention, but they had no medic or food; resigning to leave Africa, you became disheartened at the plight of Mexico, but instead of ordering a gift basket you accidentally ordered an airstrike that injured Skwink. After descending further into despair, you go for a long and exhausting walk across the plains, encountering the Man-Eating Rabbit while scrounging for food. It promptly mauled you, but you escaped via Russian medical evac chopper. During your hospitalization, you mused that securing a peace settlement between the rebels and the government would set right at least some of your missteps. At first the rebel leader dismissed you as a deserter, but you persuaded him you were kidnapped and he reinstated your salary. You delivered the rebels' request for free elections to the President, who literally laughed that you were gullible enough to believe they weren't just in it for power. You then opted to blackmail him with incriminating photography; shortly thereafter the government announced free elections. You tried to call the rebel leader, but were informed that was now hendo; after thanking the Russians for their support, you wandered into Chechnya and were immediately attacked at the Georgian border, but after flying a white flag they let you pass. Afterwards, you set off for Switzerland to claim the Nobel Prize for ending the civil war; walking was too long and planes too expensive, so you tried to buy a plan ticket to fly there, but since plans wouldn't support your weight you walked back to Russia to become ambassador to Finland at a much higher salary. On behalf of Moscow, you apologized for the Winter War, ushering in a new era of EGALITARIANISM and MUTUAL BENEFIT, then ate some invigorating Finnish food. After enroling Skwink's daughter in a reputable public school, you fostered an alliance between Russia, Finland and the USA to confront hoplitejoe's rhino invasion. After repulsing the initial attack, you took command of a Russian army and led the counterattack into Turkey, and then out of Asia Minor and back into Africa. Claiming victory, you implemented a peace treaty that limited the rhino army and saw them cede their lands beyond sub-Saharan Africa; hoplitejoe was now deemed a renegade. Your attempt to negotiate Russia's accession into the EU backfired and your pay was slashed, although you managed to encourage closer Russo-Finnish relations. Your attempts to become more diplomatic only dredged up discredited realpolitik strategies, so instead you cultivated your public speaking skills. Nonetheless, you could not persuade Europe to join a Eurasian Union, at which point you requested a recap of your progress.

I use my Zorbeez to create a tourniquet that stops my bleeding.

10: It stops the bleeding, but it also drains a lot of your blood, negating the effect of the Health-in-a-Pack.

A small force of 'Mericuhns tries to sneak up on our position, but Attlee gets the jump on them, using his teeth and claws (+2) to ravage the evil invaders.

16 (18): The salient opens up their flank, and a counterattack drives them further back and almost out of the city.

I make a Horace radar.

14 (15): You expend 25 . According to the reading, he's somewhere within Eurasia.

I steal an ATV.

I try to materialize with my M21 again this round, as the operators told me to do.

Sacrifice a farm family to Xun Te Teutionoch to gain his favor, so that he may intercede with the Operators on my behalf.

I materialize into this world with a potato.

Patience, Grasshopper. In time, all will be revealed.

 

[Terrance888]

I try to invest my cash and my cocaine into the greater black market, buying allies and supporting cartels.

 

[Marcher Jovian]

I go back in time to stop the phrase "Patience, Grasshopper," from ever being created.