Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[civplayah]

I force them to appear before me!

 

[Seon]

I stab civplayah with the Two Handed Sword while the brownie fairies establish sniping parameter

 

[choxorn]

I realize I've had this Rod of Asclepius thing for a while and don't know what it does, so a book spontaneously appears that I read to find out what it does.

 

[TheBladeRoden]

I equip the stripper pole as a weapon to fight off over eager patrons.

 

[Anonymoose]

The entire moose herd tramples MM2 with psychokinetic hooves of might!

 

[mythmonster2]

Jump on top of one of the moose and make him my steed.

 

[tuxedohamm]

Kill 1 billion rats and collect their tails as I kill them.

 

[Anonymoose]

MM2 might become the next Teddy Roosevelt.

Spoiler :

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I continue reading the book, to find a way to significintly improve all my future dice rolls.

9: You learn nothing of lasting consequence.

I continue my quest for the Cheese of the Gods.

4: A black Mercedes speeds by and bullets fly toward you.
ROLL TO DODGE!
4 (5): You take 14 damage.

I force them to appear before me!

2: C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!
ROLL TO DODGE!
6: You take random 30 damage.

I stab civplayah with the Two Handed Sword while the brownie fairies establish sniping parameter

19 (20): The marksmen take position, and you inflict 40 damage against an already reeling opponent.

I realize I've had this Rod of Asclepius thing for a while and don't know what it does, so a book spontaneously appears that I read to find out what it does.

4: The book spontaneously appears above your head.
ROLL TO DODGE!
5 (7): You take 6 damage.

I equip the stripper pole as a weapon to fight off over eager patrons.

20 (14): Having asserted yourself, you manage to recollect your self-worth, reducing your penalty by 3.

The entire moose herd tramples MM2 with psychokinetic hooves of might!

4: They manage to injure themselves instead.

Jump on top of one of the moose and make him my steed.

8 (9): You hop on the moose's back, but are unable to tame it.

Kill 1 billion rats and collect their tails as I kill them.

1: You somehow try to take them all on at once.
ROLL TO DODGE!
18: You kill 27. 999 999 973 to go.

 

[TheLastOne36]

I read the next chapter hoping I will find something that will significintly improve all my future dice rolls.

 

[tuxedohamm]

Kill 999 999 973 rats and collect their tails as I kill them.

 

[Seon]

I decapitate civplayah's head as snipers make it into Swiss Cheese

 

[choxorn]

Ah well, at least I got the book. I pick it up and read it to find out what the Rod of Asclepius does.

While I do this, the Spartans fly the Helicopter around and look for TLO. Yes, I am in the Helicopter.

 

[TheLastOne36]

Can't Find me!! nanananana

 

[mythmonster2]

Tame the moose by using my hidden moose whisperer powers!

 

[kill fire]

I attempt to consult to gods again while the mage blows up the car.

 

[Anonymoose]

I moose-splode MM2's head.

 

[GenMarshall]

I place in a request for cybernetic enhancements.

 

[Verarde]

I learn how to become invisible and learn how to channel Force Lightning.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I read the next chapter hoping I will find something that will significintly improve all my future dice rolls.

19: You learn that grilled cheese does wonders for your chi, and consuming them will greatly enhance your Supermenschheit.

BUT..!

Only grilled-cheese sandwiches made by other players convey the effect.

Kill 999 999 973 rats and collect their tails as I kill them.

2: A plague of rats attacks you!
ROLL TO DODGE!
3: You suffer 40 damage from the onslaught, killing only 5.

I decapitate civplayah's head as snipers make it into Swiss Cheese

15 (17): You lop off his head for 40 damage. He takes ongoing -10 hp until he can repair his neural connections, suffers a -2 penalty to all rolls, but is still able to perform actions.

Ah well, at least I got the book. I pick it up and read it to find out what the Rod of Asclepius does.

While I do this, the Spartans fly the Helicopter around and look for TLO. Yes, I am in the Helicopter.

9: You learn it has something to do with Asclepius. The SPARTANs, meanwhile, use their super-infrared-Pole-seeking sonar to home in on TheLastOne36.
ROLL TO DODGE!
15 (18): He does some funky moves to evade their fire, kicking up a dust storm that temporarily gives him a +2 defencive bonus against homing weapons.

Tame the moose by using my hidden moose whisperer powers!

9 (10): It's no good. Seems he's running in autistic mode.

I attempt to consult to gods again while the mage blows up the car.

16: You are informed you must journey to Mount Ararat. The car, meanwhile, comes to an eerie halt in a designated parking spot.

I moose-splode MM2's head.

18: The attack deals 40 damage.

I place in a request for cybernetic enhancements.

17 (18): You are reconstructed as a half-body, closed-networked cyborg, gaining a +3 bonus to hand-to-hand combat, +3 to general defence, and +2 bonus in weapons proficiency as a result of computer-assisted targeting.

I learn how to become invisible and learn how to channel Force Lightning.

9: IF I CLOSE MY EYES THEY CAN'T SEE ME!