Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[Abaddon]

I search the island for a boat to escape upon

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I just bombard KFC with MORE WITCHES! MORE PLASMA!

7: After the meltdown, everything has to be recalibrated.

I to expanded the temple to include housing for future converts.

8: Expanding a stone structure with wood would look a little cheap.

i look for items

18: You find a "medigun" capable of unobtrusively healing any infirmities, improving your field medicine bonus by +2.

I physically discipline the chimp using my combat bonus.

13: The chimp isn't a player, but you win a wrestling match and assert your hierarchical superiority.

I rally the dolphins to hunt down the first ship that wronged me.

14: Their sonar locates it about two knots out.

Well, I guess this is the best I can do for now. I search for a way to defend myself against Double A's ship.

16: Strangely enough, this mirror will reflect the plasma beam.

Lock on Target: merciary. Fire at will with all weapons.

2: SHE CANNAE TAKE IT!!
ROLL TO DODGE!
19: You let loose a hellstorm, damaging civplayah, kill fire, merciary, TheBladeRoden, Anonymoose, !!!!!, Abaddon, woodland man, and bestrfcplayer for 18 damage each.

I make up for my mistake by praying to the god of war for an even better weapon for the Covies.

3: CONCRETE DONKEY!
ROLL TO DODGE!
13: The ship veers away at the last second as the statue plummets toward kill fire.
ROLL TO DODGE!
14 (15): He and his gang clear out of the way as the monument beelines for the basement.

I find a lucky armband

11: You find one of those medical bracelets that bestows a +1 bonus to healing actions.

I search the island for a boat to escape upon

2: Captain Oilherb emerges from the shallows.
ROLL TO DODGE!
9: He slashes you with his cutlass for 14 damage.

 

[Seon]

I find a super-railgun

 

[choxorn]

Eh, screw attacking Omega, I'll just open a dimensional portal, throw him out of the game, and take his place.

 

[landlubber]

I follow the dolphins' leads.

 

[merciary]

I begin to acquire converts to help in my great work.

 

[kill fire]

Damn, I just can't stop getting shot at!

I continue trying to get stronger.

 

[!!!!!]

I use the medigun to heal me

 

[Double A]

The Covies send down dropships with a pair of Hunters and several squads of Elites and Grunts to kill KFC.

 

[civplayah]

Since he's disciplined, I encourage them to discover something amazing using biology.

 

[mythmonster2]

I go with Double A, trying to keep out of the way as much as possible.

 

[kill fire]

The Covies send down dropships with a pair of Hunters and several squads of Elites and Grunts to kill KFC.

All carrying plasma weapons I might add.

 

[Abaddon]

Convince the captain to instead join me.

 

[remake20]

I got a 4 leaf clover. Sweet. I try to use my cleats to run on water.

 

[Double A]

Soccer Jesus!

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

'Bout damn time, ja?

I find a super-railgun

19: You order one from Craigslist and it's waiting for you at the post office.

Eh, screw attacking Omega, I'll just open a dimensional portal, throw him out of the game, and take his place.

5: The firewall repels you.

I follow the dolphins' leads.

4: The BP oil spill sends them careening off course.

I begin to acquire converts to help in my great work.

14: You conscript 20-odd heavy labourers.

I continue trying to get stronger.

15: Through vigorous self-discipline, you steel yourself against physical pain. And get 20 hitpoints back.

I use the medigun to heal me

14 (17): You regain your health.

The Covies send down dropships with a pair of Hunters and several squads of Elites and Grunts to kill KFC.

7: Well-placed fortifications cut them to shreds.

Since he's disciplined, I encourage them to discover something amazing using biology.

14: They cultivate a hardy strain of corn using only natural methods.

I go with Double A, trying to keep out of the way as much as possible.

10: Someone has replaced your combat boots with clown shoes.

Convince the captain to instead join me.

10: Either he's got water in his ear or he's just really angry.
ROLL TO DODGE!
11: You evade his cutlass.

I try to use my cleats to run on water.

14 (18): You don't need a boat!

 

[GenMarshall]

I find an FG-42.

 

[choxorn]

I edit my software to ignore firewalls, then throw Omega out again.

 

[landlubber]

I clean up the oil using only my hands.

 

[civplayah]

As a treat, they get to eat it. When you do good things you get good rewards back, chimps!