Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[landlubber]

I untie Oilherb, however I lock all the doors so he cannot escape. Next, I serve him tea and sweetly ask him to tell me about the omnipotent person.

 

[kill fire]

Ah, but you do not need permission to use a metaphor which this book is. This book exists in the place between reality and fiction, accessible to anyone.

Ah, but you forget, metaphor only works if the person you are using it on can see or hear it!

 

[Seon]

Ah, but normally a metaphor does not have the ultimate power to destroy all foolish fools who ignore DA RULEZ. This metaphorical book, howver, can as many of you surly remember when I was throwig them at you in the last RtD (failed, but whatever) with great relish.

 

[kill fire]

Ah, but as you remember, you failed.

 

[Seon]

Ah, but as you remember, anybody can use a metaphor while not everyone can be a former evil mod.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I heal my self

11 (14): You patch yourself up 18 hitpoints.

One of the apes gets jealous of my attention to GivGeneral and bites me, turning me into a wereape.

4: He clobbers you instead for 12 damage.

I loot killfires corpse.

10: You don't even know where he is.

Find a hospital.

3: You find one and leap down as the emergency chopper takes off.
ROLL TO DODGE!
3 (4): It slices! It dices! It deals a nasty 15 damage!

Launch (the metaphorical) DA RULE book at Choxorn's med shp with enough force to destroy it in one shot.

12: You smite that ship.

Metaphorically.

Fine then. Change Order to: Fire something at the rule book with enough force to either destroy it or make it not hit me.

11: The power of your imagination deflects the immaterial construct.

God Damn it! I have Rebecca Chambers heal me to full health

7 (8): She slaps a Band-Aid® on for +4 hitpoints. Then the assassin remembers her mission.
ROLL TO DODGE!
12: A pile of Mounties offer surprisingly effective concealment.

I untie Oilherb, however I lock all the doors so he cannot escape. Next, I serve him tea and sweetly ask him to tell me about the omnipotent person.

10: He is not tied down. You are not in an enclosed space. You have no tea. And he has no patience.
ROLL TO DODGE!
12: You duck in time, and keep your head.

choxorn's helicopter is fit for fight.

 

[Seon]

I digitally ascend to modhood.

 

[choxorn]

I infect Seon with a computer virus.

 

[GenMarshall]

I kill off the assassin

 

[!!!!!]

combining the knowledge of Igor and my knowledge of medicine We create the ultimate shield

 

[mythmonster2]

Oh hell. Get medical attention!

 

[Seon]

Not so fast! Railgun mythmonster

 

[Abaddon]

I locate killfires body.

 

[civplayah]

Well, that backfired.

I send that ape to time-out, and the other work on healing me (including giving me another arm).

 

[Anonymoose]

I'm back from hiatus (YAY), so I use the TRUTH to obtain heat vision.

 

[landlubber]

For crying out loud, just tell me!

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I infect Seon with a computer virus.

1 (2): It mutates into Gigabyte!
ROLL TO DODGE!
9 (10): His giant claw-hand grazes you for 6 damage.

I kill off the assassin

10 (11): You wriggle one arm free and fire in her general direction.

combining the knowledge of Igor and my knowledge of medicine We create the ultimate shield

7 (10): You craft a waterproof coat.

Oh hell. Get medical attention!

2: You're still falling, not to mention...

Not so fast! Railgun mythmonster

20 (20): Whatever was left of his body is now permanently disassembled.

I locate killfires body.

4: Seon's railgun blast blinds you.

I send that ape to time-out, and the other work on healing me (including giving me another arm).

19: You're patched up 100 hitpoints and receive a Canadarm.

I'm back from hiatus (YAY), so I use the TRUTH to obtain heat vision.

11: A rather odd request, but you can now see in the infrared.

For crying out loud, just tell me!

2: "DIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!!!" he screams as he hacks off 19 hitpoints.

 

[Seon]

Fire railgun at choxorn's ship.

 

[GenMarshall]

Rebecca, Bill, the Mounties, and I all deliver a final killing blow to Seon's assassin

 

[!!!!!]

I heal landlubber