Roll to Dodge: Mall Madness Redux

[KaiserElectric]

Solid Lec, eh? Well I can't be Solid Lec without my awesome stealth suit, so I go ahead and put that on. :3

 

[Terran Empress]

Search Cob Planet for a Portal Gun on the Cob, and I guess take it if I find one.

 

[Ailedhoo]

That's two orders, going to stop you there. Pick one or the other.

Begin with the first (AKA the diplomacy or alternative) directive; will conduct the "shopping" afterwards.

 

[Magnive]

I shall endeavour to find a store selling tanks.

 

[gay_Aleks]

Look for a shop that offers replica Vault Suits. Like...those gotta exist? This mall has it all and what not?

 

[Omega124]

Pick up one of the guns and fire it at the other guns.

1: You attempt to grab a nearby Garand, however, its rouge AI jams its bayonet through your stomach (-13 HP). It cleanly comes out, but now you're also bleeding to death (-5 HP a turn until you stop your bleeding)

Meanwhile, the rest of the guns continue to fire

ROLL TO DODGE!

1: Are you sure you're Dutch? Because you look more Swiss to me. (-21 HP)

I grab the coolest, lightest, tightest suit of mithril armour., and the coolest, lightest sword. Preferably a katana.

6: Unfortunately, the armor and weaponry is forged with Orcs in mind, not Humans. Everything is too big and heavy to fit your human needs

I pick up the serrated edge steak knife. It hurts more going in if it's dull.

18: You find a dull, serrated steak knife, and deposit it in your inventory. You also find three smaller, somewhat sharp butter knives to use as throwing ones.

I enter the mall, head for the nearest WC, and make anime real there

5: You head to the bathroom. Unfortunately, your attempts to make anime real are thwarted as you slip on soap and hit your head on a stall (-4 HP)

Knowing that Saber has blessed me, I find and enter nearest store that sells Saber figurines.

2: You find She Who Brings Light, a store devoted entirely to Lucina merchandise
5: As Megan loves Lucina, she intentionally left her alarm off so anyone may peruse in her blue haired majesty :^)

Solid Lec, eh? Well I can't be Solid Lec without my awesome stealth suit, so I go ahead and put that on. :3

10: There is a cosplay section, and to your amazement you do find a Solid Snake sneaking suit. It doesn't do anything but look cool, but look cool you do

ALARM ROLL

6: Suddenly, a nearby Codex toy rings. When you pick it up, You hear Campbell's voice:

"We've been expecting you, Solid Lec"

(You are now the owner of Games, Stopped in the 80s!)

Search Cob Planet for a Portal Gun on the Cob, and I guess take it if I find one.

17: You find the last Portal Gun on the Cob. With six gun heads, you can have up to 12 portals at a time!

Begin with the first (AKA the diplomacy or alternative) directive; will conduct the "shopping" afterwards.

(Still technicilly two unrelated orders but w/e I'll let it slide this time)

10: The Angel is not pleased with your weebetry. She raises her nailguns and fires right at you

ROLL TO DODGE:

18: You find that can of paint and hit her directly in the eyes. You don't suspect it did much damage at all, and it really ruined her nice robes and hair, but it certainly blinded her for a few turns (+2 on any rolls to dodge the Angel's attacks for the next three turns)

I shall endeavour to find a store selling tanks.

6: You find Tanks in Advance, which sells futuristic conceptual tanks that are fully functional, but look like they came straight out of science fiction.
2: One of the tanks, a hover one, is activated by the store security. It aims its barrel at you

ROLL TO DODGE:

16: The plasma blast misses you completely, and hits the wall, short circuiting the AI for a bit (Store will not respond with force for one turn)

Look for a shop that offers replica Vault Suits. Like...those gotta exist? This mall has it all and what not?

5:You find a store for Vault Tec. Although there's no vault located here, you could tell from the kiosks that they intend to sell people spaces in Vault 64 in particular. And yes, there are vault suits (probably the only actual product)
5: Despite likely containing top secret government documents, considering Vault Tec is the nation's last line of defense against nuclear annihilation, Vault Tec did not set their alarm for the store. Oops!

---

2 Turns until Millennium Zeppelin Arrives

 

[Ailedhoo]

10: The Angel is not pleased with your weebetry She raises her nailguns and fires right at you

ROLL TO DODGE:

18: You find that can of paint and hit her directly in the eyes. You don't suspect it did much damage at all, but it certainly blinded her for a few turns (+2 on any rolls to dodge the Angel's attacks for the next three turns)

Take the chance to hunt for either a hammer or a crowbar; I will either make my vows to the old gods to either this or that. Hopefully the shelves will give me cover.

 

[Civ'ed]

clearly, the best option is to bandage self with c4.

I'm sure they sell that here.

 

[SouthernKing]

I go to the food court to buy an ice lolly and use the powers that gives me to make anime real

 

[Magnive]

I try to turn the AI friendly.

 

[JohannaK]

I go to Shinzaburo's Swords to get the best katana ever forged.

 

[KaiserElectric]

I hunt down the location of more games so I can expand the inventory of my store to 90's games as well as 80's.

 

[Seon]

I go find a jewelry store so that I can acquire some protective magical charms and pockets.

 

[NinjaCow64]

I decide to leave searching for the Saber figurines until later as I can't liberate them if the store becomes infested with Nazi Vampires. Instead, I go to the roof and find a good vantage point to strike at the Zeppelin.

 

[Terran Empress]

Search for a Meeseeks box in Cob Planet

 

[gay_Aleks]

Screw Vault-Tec, we're gonna be downing a couple of Nuka-Colas. Cheers, to the inevitable nuclear armageddon! Find the nearest store selling Nuka-Cola. Preferably Quantum.

 

[Omega124]

Take the chance to hunt for either a hammer or a crowbar; I will either make my vows to the old gods to either this or that. Hopefully the shelves will give me cover.

7: You find an automatic circumcizer. Have fun with it?

The Angel continues blasting nails at you

ROLL TO DODGE:

4 (6): You get clipped at the shoulder for -7 damage.

clearly, the best option is to bandage self with c4.

I'm sure they sell that here.

18: You stuff yourself with Comp B, as this is an American store selling American bombs. Not only do you stop the bleeding to a mere -1 HP a turn (as there's nothing covering the wound, hence some blood leaking out), but as long as the Comp B is in your stomach, the store seems to recognize you as a product of the store. Yay you!

I go to the food court to buy an ice lolly and use the powers that gives me to make anime real

1: You go to the 1st District Court of the City of Dinnertopia. Why the hell they decided to build a court in the mall, I don't know
6: As soon as you enter the Courtroom, a cute secretary rises

"Hello, your honor", he says.

I try to turn the AI friendly.

10: You don't know how to turn the AI friendly. Nothing in the store seems obviously controlling the items within

You can feel the AI booting back up, ready to attack you next turn

I go to Shinzaburo's Swords to get the best katana ever forged.

2: You find Shinzaburo's Replica Swords, which has the best replica swords you've ever seen. Plastic, but they look the real deal!
5: For such well made fake swords, you're suprised the alarm wasn't set. Forgot? Didn't Care? Who knows, but the inventory is yours

I hunt down the location of more games so I can expand the inventory of my store to 90's games as well as 80's.

1: Assumingly near the Court, you find the offices of Jack "the Gameslayer" Thompson, who has been rebarred and is continuing his crusade against video games, starting with the populars 90s' GTA where he started
1: Jack Thompson is not pleased a game store owner has entered his offices, especially dressed as Solid Snake

"FOUL BEING! GO CAUSE KIDS TO MURDER SOMEWHERE ELSE!" he screams, brandeshing out a S&W Model 500 (The absolute final word in one handed caliber pissing matches!). The irony is lost to him

ROLL TO DODGE

10: Jack Thompson knicks you in the arm for -5 damage. Ouch, that hurt!

I go find a jewelry store so that I can acquire some protective magical charms and pockets.

6:You find Leprechaun's Own Gold, a magical store run by Leprechauns. All the gold and lucky charms here are guaranteed to be real and powerful!
2: Gold Chains fly out of their cases in an attempt to strangle you to death

ROLL TO DODGE:

9: The Gold Chains wrap around your left leg and cuts off blood circulation for -3 HP of damage. You feel this might become a problem if not dealt with soon.

I decide to leave searching for the Saber figurines until later as I can't liberate them if the store becomes infested with Nazi Vampires. Instead, I go to the roof and find a good vantage point to strike at the Zeppelin.

15: You head up to the roof. There is a nice vantage point where you can see all of the surrounding city, along with the increasingly approaching zeppelin. On the top of the vantage point is a search light, which confers +3 attack on attacks vs airborne targets (but can not be added to your inventory)

Search for a Meeseeks box in Cob Planet

15: You find a regular meseeks box left in a bin for apples-in-a-cob. Rick must have been super drunk leaving that there

Screw Vault-Tec, we're gonna be downing a couple of Nuka-Colas. Cheers, to the inevitable nuclear armageddon! Find the nearest store selling Nuka-Cola. Preferably Quantum.

3: You find the New Coke Store, which sells nothing but the New Coke. Who the hell thought that was a good idea?
1: The entrnece shuts behind you. Suddenly, the room starts to get flooded with the New Coke. They're trying to drown you in cola that no one in their right mind would ever buy!

ROLL TO DODGE!

4: Cola rushes into your lungs, damaging you for -9 damage. You also are suffering asphyxiation (-5 HP a turn)

---

Rick is continuing drinking on a bench, not really doing anything

The Millenium Zeppelin will arrive in one turn. Clench thy Anuses

 

[Civ'ed]

cover up the bomb/wound with some military grade ammo.

I WILL BECOME ONE WITH THE MACHINE

 

[SouthernKing]

I take the cute secretary to the lift and we have fun times in there

 

[Seon]

Break dis cuffs around my legs.