SCENE: A dank prison cell, somewhere in in the bowels of the Monkeyshine Dentention Facility. The hapless Bobbo, his 2000 year-old loin cloth in tatters, sits dejectedly in a corner. His unwashed face is caked with dried blood from the numerous cuts and scratches that cover his face.
Enter Sgt. Gleek, an unlit, crudely rolled cheroot jammed in the corner of this mouth, followed by a large and muscularmasked chimp carrying an even larger double-bladed axe.
SGT. GLEEK: Well, well, Private Bobbo. Deserted your post again, eh? Whatever are we to do with you? You know, in my opinion, Mr. Chimps let you and that knuckledragger Bubbles off easy the first time. Had it been my choice, I would have at least made you clean up after General Beast using a toothbrush with only a single bristle! Unfortunately, for you neither Mr. Chimps, nor General Beast for that matter, are here, and you ass is MINE!
(Bobbo opens his mouth as if to speak, but thinks better of it, and visibly slumps, appearing even more dejected than before. SGT. GLEEK hefts the axe from his masked assistant, testing its weight and balance.)
SGT. GLEEK: No, sir. This time, there will be no tribunal, no pachyderm latrine duty; just swift noncom justice! But before I pass final judgement, what have you to say for yourself? What news from the trenches near Mr. Teeneyville?
(Bobbo, realizing this may be his last minutes of life, begins to speak: )
BOBBO: Sir, it's horrible. There are enemy units everywhere! Everyday they beseige the city, and every day more and more show up! All kinds too - archers, horse-drawn chariots, swordsmen, and *gulp* axemen - even some advanced units from before the time warp. We're on alert, day after day, night after night, it's crazy! Lots of the enlisted men have cracked. Even General Beast crapped his pants again after he narrowly escaped an encounter with a lowly enemy Archer. I was tired, but doin' alright, but then came the news came from Monkeyshine that the banana distillery had been destroyed... I don't know... I just kinda lost it. I just couldn't handle the stress without my daily grog ration, and I just had to get out of there. I...(his voice cracks, and the lowly chimp is unable to continue.)
SGT. GLEEK(a wistful expression on his face): Ah! the thrill of the battlefield! If only I were there instead of the jailor of a miserable excuse for a macaque such as you! Do you know what the penalty is for desertion private?
BOBBO: Yes sir. It is death.
(Realizing the finality of the situation, Bobbo straightens up to full attention.)
BOBBO: Sir, my actions are inexcuseable. I am prepared to accept my fate.
SGT. GLEEK: Normally, Private, you'd be right. But orders have come down from Chimpsopolis to suspend all summary executions. Apparently, if any chimps' lives are to be taken, it will be the enemy's job to do it.
(Bobbo appears visibly relieved.)
SGT. GLEEK: Still, you must be punished somehow... (Looking thoughtfully at the axe in his hand), we'll seeing as you're already a private, I can't bust you down a grade. I guess, then, I can't see much else to do except to promote you!
SGT. GLEEK (handing the axe to BOBBO): Congratulations private, you're now in the Iron Brigade!
Bobbo's jaw drops. For a momment, his face visibly brightens as the relief that he will live to see another glass of banana grog washes over him. But just as quickly the lightness fades as he begins to realize that his so-called promotion, most likely will put him in harm's way.
SGT. GLEEK (continuing): But if I catch you hairy scrotum, goofing off one more time, you can kiss your charmed life on this backward planet good bye! Now get outta my sight, and don't come back until there's some blood on that axe!
(End of scene)
The turn log (with commentary):
Inherited Turn 170 (50 AD)
WHAT?? No one bothered to hook up our Iron?? *sound of palm hitting forehead*
I'm tempted to take out the French Infantryman while we have the opportunity, but decide that it would be better to wait until after the next attack.
10 bucks says that the Chariot near Moonshine pillages our Banana Winery. Nothing I can do about it.
Infantry promoted: Combat I
Bubbles (Infantry) promoted: Combat I
Monkeyshine finishes: Granary --> Archer (7)
IBT:
The French Infantry foolishly attacks in his wounded condition:
While defending, Infantry (20.00/20) defeats: French Infantry at 100.0 percent.
Yep, that French Chariot pillages our winery.
But he pays the ultimate price...
Turn 171 (65 AD)
Chimpsopolis finishes: Archer --> Archer (2)
While attacking, Infantry (12.8/20) defeats: French Spearman at 100.0 percent.
IBT:
While defending, Infantry defeats (20.00/20): American Axeman at 100.0 percent.
While defending, Infantry defeats (20.00/20): American Spearman at 100.0 percent.
While defending, Infantry defeats (20.00/20): American Axeman at 100.0 percent.
Turn 172 (80 AD)
Archer promoted: City Garrison I
Bubbles (Infantry) promoted: Combat II
While attacking, Infantry defeats (17.80/20): French Swordsman at 100.0 percent.
Chimpsopolis finishes: Archer -> Archer
Mr Teenyville finishes: Archer -> Archer
IBT:
While defending, Infantry defeats (18.40/20): American Axeman at 100.0 percent.
While defending, Infantry defeats (18.40/20): American Spearman at 100.0 percent.
While defending, Infantry defeats (16.80/20): American Spearman at 100.0 percent.
While defending, Infantry defeats (16.80/20): American Spearman at 100.0 percent.
While defending, Infantry defeats (16.80/20): American Spearman at 100.0 percent.
While defending, Infantry defeats (16.80/20): American Spearman at 100.0 percent.
While defending, Infantry defeats (15.20/20): American Axeman at 100.0 percent.
While defending, Infantry defeats (17.80/20): American Axeman at 100.0 percent.
While defending, Infantry defeats (17.80/20): Spanish Swordsman at 100.0 percent.
Turn 174 (110 AD)
While attacking, Bubbles (Infantry) defeats (18.00/20): Spanish Axeman at 100.0 percent.
Infantry promoted: City Garrison II
A new city is founded:
color="RoyalBlue"]Backwater founded[/color]
Backwater begins: Lighthouse
An American Navy Seal is inbound!
IBT:
While defending, Infantry defeats (18.40/20): American Axeman at 100.0 percent.
While defending, Infantry defeats (18.40/20): American Axeman at 100.0 percent.
While defending, Infantry defeats (18.40/20): American Navy SEAL at 99.5 percent.
Turn 175 (125 AD)
While attacking, Infantry defeats (12.40/20): French Chariot at 100.0 percent.
We hook up our Iron (finally!)
While attacking, Infantry defeats (17.80/20): American Spearman at 100.0 percent.
While attacking, General Beast (War Elephant) (8.00/8) defeats: American Archer at 98.5 percent.
Test Site Alpha finishes: Work Boat -> Archer
IBT:
Turn 176 (140 AD)
While attacking, General Beast (War Elephant) defeats (0.16/8): American Archer at 98.7 percent. 
That was close!
Chimpsopolis grows: 6
Chimpsopolis finishes: Axeman -> Axeman
IBT:
Turns 177 - 179:(Whoops! Looks like I forgot to close the autolog, and a couple of turns are missing. More battles fought, but no units lost.)
Turn 180 (200 AD)
Archer promoted: City Garrison I
While attacking, Axeman defeats (4.10/5): French Swordsman at 72.6 percent.
Newly promoted Bobbo attacks... and is VICTORIOUS!!
While attacking, Bobbo (Axeman) defeats (3.20/5): American Chariot at 69.7 percent.
While attacking, Infantry defeats (18.80/20): American Chariot at 100.0 percent.
Christianity has spread: Backwater
Here's the current situation at Mr. T-ville:
... (yes, Zophos, I am blaming you for everything)
and Combat3 promo. He is S of Mr. Teenyville now in the jungle.
*grumble*
what a fun game that was!
