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Teenagers, Sexuality, and the Role of Parents

Gooblah

Heh...
Joined
Jun 5, 2007
Messages
4,282
A somewhat broad topic, but one I find myself increasingly interested in, due in part to my own interactions with my parents and sister (and friends). Note that I am speaking from a largely male perspective, given my lack of female friends that I could hold an honest and open discussion of this topic with (well, no. Really, this is a topic I'm unsure of how to broach, and given the next time I'm meeting with my friends is for a Halloween thing....?), and my furiously prude sister and mother (sister to a lesser extent).

Now, my main question:

Given the fact that when a child is first introduced to sex and sexual reproduction (in my experience, fifth grade), their curiosity is somewhat peaked, and that modern American culture makes sex at once a taboo and a cultural icon, what is the role of parents in introducing their children to this brave new world they are confronted with? Beyond that, how should teenagers deal with their new sexuality?

For example: pornography. The internet (as my Computer Science teacher who is remarkably open and mature about these sorts of topics put it) represents the step above Playboy and magazines; no longer do you need an inherited shoebox of dirty magazines and videos; no longer do you wait until night, turn on a flashlight, and open the lid; now you can just turn to your laptop and stream webcam chats, porn videos, sex games, erotic images and clothing, etc. If one is curious, s/he can just surf the web, maybe google a term or two, and be confronted with everything one could ever imagine. How are teenagers to deal with this if they are curious about sex? It's pretty creepy to discuss sex with ones parents (one of my most....awkard memories is my father giving me a sex talk on the way home from school; apparently he left work early for that specific purpose. While I appreciate the intent today, it still gives me a cold shiver to contemplate) - for Christ's sake, they engaged in such activities to produce you! They're old and prude! Discussion with friends is limited to knowledge gleaned from older siblings, MTV, and other such sources - a barely adequate picture. It changes once you go through formal sexual education, but should parents actively broach the topic? Introduce children to the wild world? How should they react if they discover their child has been looking at pornography?

A few closing thoughts: This was inspired by a piece on NPR about a dude who took his 11-year-old to Hooters after his son's football game as a way of introducing him to sexuality (he and his son live with four women - two grandmothers, the wife/mother, and the daughter/sister), and my mother asking me why I found the piece 'so interesting' - she proceeded to ask me if I approved of the man's decision (I did), and how parents should react if their children look at porn (from experience...she does not react well).

I've revealed a large bit of myself in this post, I guess, but the sad truth of reality is that this is still a largely touchy topic with my parents and I, and one that I can't really broach except under the anonymity conferred by the interwebs. Please, no spamming/trolling, I want honest responses. :(
 
Given the fact that when a child is first introduced to sex and sexual reproduction (in my experience, fifth grade), their curiosity is somewhat peaked, and that modern American culture makes sex at once a taboo and a cultural icon, what is the role of parents in introducing their children to this brave new world they are confronted with? Beyond that, how should teenagers deal with their new sexuality?

Well, given that:

1. American culture sends very conflicting and confusing messages to kids about sex, like you said
2. Kids aren't getting educated about sex at school very well (or at all)
3. The easy availability of pornography (including weird german and japanese stuff) on the internet

it is paramount that parents take center stage when it comes to educating their kids about sex.

I mean, it's gonna be awkward, yeah, but would you rather your kids learn about sex from the media (which on one hand makes sex taboo but on the other glamorizes it), from the internet (2 girls 1 cup, german horse videos), at school (do they even teach anything useful about sex?), from their peers (do they really know anything?).. or would you rather teach them yourself?

The choice seems to be clear.
 
at school (do they even teach anything useful about sex?), from their peers (do they really know anything?)..
I think outside of sex ed teachers can't even tell you to use protection because it encourages sexual activity.
 
Short answer:
Beyond that, how should teenagers deal with their new sexuality?
Have them introduced to it much earlier, obviously, so it isn't new by that time.


Given the fact that when a child is first introduced to sex and sexual reproduction (in my experience, fifth grade)
What? What? I don't know about the system where you come from, but where I come from that means "12 years old"? If that's the first time that a child finds out about sex, there's something profoundly wrong with either him, the parents or the society.

modern American culture makes sex at once a taboo and a cultural icon
The first part is the whole problem here...

what is the role of parents in introducing their children to this brave new world they are confronted with?
They have to make up for the utter lack of information that seems to be provided by society, considering what I can get from your post.

Beyond that, how should teenagers deal with their new sexuality?
That's a way too broad question. For a short answer, see above.

How are teenagers to deal with this if they are curious about sex?
Take it on, they won't be kids forever. It will help them develop a more open mind.

It's pretty creepy to discuss sex with ones parents
Huh? No it's not, not at all...

for Christ's sake, they engaged in such activities to produce you!
Wonderful. Doesn't that make you thankful that sex exists, and that it feels so good?

Discussion with friends is limited to knowledge gleaned from older siblings, MTV, and other such sources - a barely adequate picture.
That's the problem with making it a taboo. People should fight against this taboo in every way they can, since they will never produce a society with a healthy perspective on sex as long as the taboo is still in place.

It changes once you go through formal sexual education, but should parents actively broach the topic?
Now, this might be wrong, but from my experience children are way more curious than people like to admit. There should normally not be a need for the parent to stick sex-talks down their throats (couldn't resist using this expression, sorry).

Introduce children to the wild world?
Obviously, if they haven't been introduced already! Which should happen in a normal society where sex is not a taboo.

How should they react if they discover their child has been looking at pornography?
"Don't make a mess on my floor". Personally, I'd be worried if a hypothetical kid of mine WOULDN'T watch porn.

A few closing thoughts: This was inspired by a piece on NPR about a dude who took his 11-year-old to Hooters after his son's football game as a way of introducing him to sexuality (he and his son live with four women - two grandmothers, the wife/mother, and the daughter/sister), and my mother asking me why I found the piece 'so interesting' - she proceeded to ask me if I approved of the man's decision (I did), and how parents should react if their children look at porn (from experience...she does not react well).
Hooters must be entirely different where you live compared to here, because otherwise I have no idea how he'll introduce him to sexuality there. Here it's a bunch of normal girls in normal T-shirts and very short pants (normally covering just their "butts", not going continuing on the feet) working as waitresses. Hell, the beach is a better place to see half or fully naked women!
 
Sex ed at my school consisted of reproductive organs/reproduction ed.

not sex ed. Does anybody actually teach sex ed?
 
my parents role in my sexuality is limited to purchasing HBO and that one time I was sitting on my porch when I was 13ish and randomly the old man blurts out "I don't care if you have to pack condoms in your lunch box, but don't get a girl pregnant"

Maybe it's because I used to bath with younger relatives, but I never really needed school or parents for an explanation on the bits and pieces of the human anatomy.
 
I grew up with a dad who doesn't believe in censorship. He grew up on a farm in small town Alberta, and went straight into the navy after high school - I don't think he ever considered being ashamed or scared of sex and sexuality. He accepts that sex is a natural biological function, and has always treated it as such. Nudity and sexuality on TV were never censored. My dad had no qualms about turning on shows like The Sunday Night Sex Show, regardless of whether or not my brothers and/or I were in the room at the time. There were never any rules set regarding pornography on the internet; if I or one of my brothers wanted to check it out, we could.

As such, there is no 'so this is what sex is' moment I can point to. It was never something new and mysterious or exciting or terrifying. It was just a fact of life.

While sex wasn't a taboo topic in our house, I never got a formal sex talk from my parents. Most of that information I got at school, and from TV and the internet. The closest I had to 'the talk' went something along the lines of this (from my dad, when I was 15 or 16; mom's much more quiet on this subject): I know you're approaching a time when you're going to consider getting sexually active. As much as I'd like to lock you up somewhere where no guy can reach you, I can't do that. All I ask is that you think about your decisions, and if you decide to go ahead, then be smart about it and do it safely.

That's it. No 'wait until marriage' BS. Just be responsible. My dad didn't try to turn a blind eye, to pretend it wouldn't happen. He just accepted that teenagers and young adults will make up their own minds, and ensured that I had the knowledge to make an educated decision and take responsibility for my actions if and when the time came.

I don't think sex is a topic that should be hidden from kids for as long as possible. You're not going to screw them up by making them aware of what goes on in the world. You don't have to get into the nitty gritty details when they're in kindergarten, but you also don't have to shelter them from every hint of nudity or sexuality until they reach adulthood.
 
My family -
Me at 4:
Son, you see those two dogs?

Yeah.

Dad: That is how humans make babies too.



Picked up information here and there.

Went to sex ed class in 5th grade.
Talked about it with my parents.

The told me that if I get a girl pregnant they will literally kill me.

That's about it really. You learn as you go I guess.
 
My family -
Me at 4:
Son, you see those two dogs?

Yeah.

Dad: That is how humans make babies too.



Picked up information here and there.

Went to sex ed class in 5th grade.
Talked about it with my parents.

The told me that if I get a girl pregnant they will literally kill me.

That's about it really. You learn as you go I guess.

I suggest getting a girl pregnant just to see if they will literally kill you.

I don't think they would.
 
I suggest getting a girl pregnant just to see if they will literally kill you.

I don't think they would.

I am a grown man now, so it's cool.


But honestly, I would have gotten disowned for sure.

*The exact phrase was, "if you get some girl pregnant before you can take care of the baby I'll kill you and raise the baby myself"
 
I learned about how human reproduction works at such an early age that I cannot remember exactly when and how I learned; so in a way I have never been ignorant of the basics. It is safe to say that my understanding of the various ramifications of human sexuality came more gradually over the years.
 
My family -
Me at 4:
Son, you see those two dogs?

Yeah.

Dad: That is how humans make babies too.

I don't remember how old I was - couldn't have been more than 8 - but on one trip to my grandparents' farm I was dragged out of bed super early one morning to watch grandpa deliver a calf. There was very little mystery left in 'making babies' after that.



Related to this thread: You're teaching our kids WHAT?
 
As a dad I would tell boys interested in my girls that I love my girls, I have weapons, and I wouldnt mind going back to prison.

That usually works.

I was a bit intrigued to see you post in here, cause I thought it'd be interesting to see a conservative's perspective on all of this.

But then your post let me down cause you didn't talk about what the OP asked you to talk about at all :(
 
I found it out in a interesting way.

I was coming back from tennis class when I was like 6 with my parents and we were talking about random stuff and I said the the word 'Sex' as in Gender of a dog or something.

My mom than proceeded to ask me do you know what Sex is? And i answered Yes - to the surprise of my parents, I than said ' It means Gender ' there was a sigh of relief on their faces.

I got curios and when we came back home, I began searching the internet. I found out what sex was by looking at porn sites at 6 years of age. :lol:
 
My parents never gave me the sex talk but I figured it out much earlier anyway and school filled in the rest.

I then took it upon myself to give my sibling the sex talk because I knew my parents wouldn't and I proceeded to do so in great detail. It was my duty I felt.
 
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