The Official Chuck Norris Thread

[eastsidebagel]

Chuck norris is actually the Messiah, but eternal salvation and bliss just sounded too . .. .. .. .. . for him, and even God can't force Chuck to do anything he doesn't want.

 

[Lefty Scaevola]

Unfortunately, I cannot link the series of videos Chuck Norris in Oblivion here, on account of the vulgar language rule.

"Phil Collins broke another Genesis!"

 

[nc-1701]

In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris blows you!
In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris eats poo!
Chuck Norris can't have sex, his balls keep getting in the way
All your base, are belong to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris isn't an ordinary washed up martial arts actor, Chuck Norris is a washed up martial arts actor who has internet memes which are almost as popular as lolcats.
When Chuck Norris does a push up he pushes the Earth down, when Stephen Seagal does a push up people die.
Chuck Norris failed once, Chuck Norris promised never to challenge a black man again.

All 100% original to me, some kinda suck, others I think are funny troll if you must but at least I didn't copy and paste all of mine!

 

[Catharsis]

All 100% original to me, some kinda suck, others I think are funny troll if you must but at least I didn't copy and paste all of mine!

You can't make up a Chuck Norris fact. The two I posted were ones I thought up myself but, after Googling, found to already exist.

All Chuck Norris facts that can ever exist already exist, somewhere. God made them all on the seventh day, but He didn't get that detail put in the Bible because He thought people wouldn't believe it.

 

[Veritass]

Chuck Norris told God not to put these in the Bible, because he was concerned that everyone in the world would simply drop dead in fear, and then he would have no one to roundhouse kick.

 

[eastsidebagel]

There is a reason that they call them Chuck Norris facts. Those are 100% truth!!

 

[Fr8monkey]

http://graphjam.wordpress.com/files/2009/01/chuck-norris-living-room.jpg

 

[Firestorm94]

http://graphjam.wordpress.com/files/2009/01/chuck-norris-living-room.jpg

use the image tags...

 

[eastsidebagel]

I won't let this thread die!
A shaven Chuck Norris would look nothing different since behind his beard is just another one.

 

[Kennigit]

No, this thread will die. Chuck Norris doesn't like people spreading rumors about him. Expect a roundhouse kick soon.

 

[Firestorm94]

Mike Huckabee actually won the 08 presidential election. Chuck Norris endorsed him, how could he lose?

 

[Fr8monkey]

It is imposible for Chuck Norris to sneak up on people because of the clanging sound from his brass b@lls!

 

[eastsidebagel]

It is imposible for Chuck Norris to sneak up on people because of the clanging sound from his brass b@lls!

Therefore he usually uses ultra-awesome ninja stealth techniques to get to his victim.

 

[salty mud]

Chuck Norris is quite clearly Barack Obama in disguise. No one has ever noticed this before?

 

[eastsidebagel]

Chuck Norris eats bees and not honey.
Somebody once asked Chuck Norris how he gonna defend the borders of the United States of America. He answered: "Two words: Chuck Norris.".
Whenever Chuck Norris grins, God kills a puppy.

 

[Fr8monkey]

Chuck Norris is quite clearly Barack Obama in disguise. No one has ever noticed this before?

I havn't seen them in the same place at the same time.

 

[eastsidebagel]

Jesus was Chuck Norris in disguise, as far as I know.

 

[Huayna Capac357]

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris is the messiah. He made the Romans put Jesus on the cross because he was too awesome to die.

 

[eastsidebagel]

A typical breakfast of Chuck Norris contains rusty nails, a broken light bulb and hydrochloric acid to spice it up.

 

[classical_hero]

If you make it Hydrofluoric acid you have the complete Norris Breakfast. Seriously look it up if you don't know what that is.