Discussion in 'Picture Threads Archive' started by Cutlass, Dec 1, 2016.
If she doesn't know you're into her, how would you know if she's into you?
Good luck banging your fake cousin.
While I'm here, how does one decide whether one's questions deserves it's own thread?
If it goes by the rules and you can come up with enough starting questions to make a discussion instead of "my opinion is x, do you agree with me", then go with it. Facts are a must.
If the question can be responded to with more than "answer, /thread", then it can have its own thread I'm fairly sure. Focus should be on discussion/debate; a thread that's just a question is fine if it encourages people to actually talk about something.
"Can I go to the moon?" is not an applicable thread.
"Would you go to the moon?" is.
The fake cousin dilemma is also thread worthy.
I'd disagree ^^.
Or maybe not.
Maybe I don't know.
...god...why don't you forget about this?
Or is she the only woman with whom you have a remote chance of interacting for the next whole year?
I mean there must be easier options in your surrounding, and especially ones which might not make half of your family scratch their head.
She's very attractive, and we've already had some friendly interactions. I can't just throw out my arm and have girls stick to it, although men who can (not judging you) seem to always forget that.
Maybe consider a woman that won't destroy your relationship with the rest of the family.
Maybe consider getting to know a woman beyond their appearance before deciding on wifing them (and without consulting their thoughts on the matter). I've gone on dates with plenty of attractive women, only to find 30 minutes in that we are completely incompatible otherwise.
Lesson #1 of dating in the wild: don't put the cart before the horse. Spend time getting to know them before deciding they're "The One" and planning your next 20 years together.
In what universe did I say I was going for marriage?
I'm literally just taking her on a platonic date. If we do end up having sex, it'll be just as much her intention as mine. I don't even think it's likely.
I love having platonic sex.
I guess women just can't be held responsible for their sexuality.
Ok, reading back through I was mistaken. My advice is still valid though. To get back on track though:
The first sentence sounds creepy and manipulative, which is where I was coming from before. Yes I often spend time hanging out with someone before I ask them out. Because I'm generally not a weirdo who decides someone is dateable based solely on looks. There's nothing wrong with casually hanging out with someone or chatting someone up online to see if there's any compatibility there. This is the essence of how tinder works, after all. But calling it "a platonic date" puts this whole creepy vibe on the thing, and frames the whole thing in this really manipulative light that makes me feel gross. Here's where you're going wrong, you're hedging. You're saying: "I'll present myself as a friend, and if I'm lucky maybe it'll turn into surprise sex (in a non-rape kind of way), if not, I'm still her friend. But here's the thing, dude. Friendship is not and should not be a consolation prize. Nor is it a waiting room that you chill in until you can graduate to the next level. If you are only being nice to someone because you're expecting something out of them at some point, newsflash: that's not friendship. This isn't to say relationships can't develop out of friendships. In fact they often do. But that's not what this is (or would be).
This is the sort of thing I'm talking about, right here:
So which is it? A platonic date, or a romantic date that might turn into sex. Because you can't frame it as a platonic date and then act as if sex is on the table. That's seriously uncool dude. This is the friendzone fallacy. If I present myself in a friendly light, then maybe she'll realize I'm a catch and want to bone me at some point. This doesn't work, because if you come in presenting yourself as a platonic friend, then she is going to see you as a platonic friend, and not as someone to possibly bone. Then you're in the friendzone. She's not going to make the move, because you aren't seen as a possible romantic partner. And if you make a move, she'll probably go: nah. And if you wait forever and then eventually work up the courage to make some grand romantic gesture (which is how this normally plays out) then the instant you do it becomes immediately apparent that friendship was never the end-goal and you've just outed yourself as a ******, manipulative person.
So to summarize: don't do this.
1) Casually hang out with her: invite her to parties, watch **** on skype together, maintain a casually flirty text correspondence
2) If you like what you see, and if you're getting good vibes from it, ask her on a date. Say "hey I like you, and I feel like you like me too, can I take you out to [dinner, a movie, a museum, whatever] sometime?
3) Don't do 1 for more than like 2-3 weeks tops before moving on to 2. **** or get off the pot.
4) Since she's your cousin (even if not by blood), she might find it fairly squicky. If you're getting good vibes from your flirtations, then you're probably going to want to broach the subject about if she's even into the idea of you two being an item before you ask her out. Because not everybody (in fact most people) sees this in the light as you. It's possible she sees you as a strictly family, and so places you automatically in the extremely non-romantic friend area. Or not. You'll never know unless you ask.
5) Or, you know, you could save yourself the trouble. Long Distance Relationships are hard enough as it is. Let alone with someone who might think your being a cousin is 100% a dealbreaker. Tinder, coffee shops, bars, parties, and social groups are great ways to meet people who are more open to the idea of boning you.
Clearly you're not doing the movie date right. Then again, I don't think they're particularly great first date ideas either. The whole point of a first date is to get to know the other person and see if there's compatibility. So let's go to a dark room and not talk, look at each other, or interact in any way whatsoever.
Well, Owen beat me by a few minutes. You're not going to tell her but it's her fault if she doesn't notice? No, man, that's not the way to do things.
Erm, it's The_J you're talking to.
Grand romantic gesture? More like awkwardly saying something along the lines of "I like you, and you're pretty."
(The creep factor is because, since you couldn't tell, I am not a prolific dater. This was 20% planning, 80% wishful thinking.)
See, this is what I was talking about with The J. I don't do parties.
Skype...? Must be more on that than I suspected.
Never went on a movie date. Well, it was a bro-date. But I still just focused on the movie. What else is there to do?
Like I said, not judging.
Mouthwash, even though step (not adopted) first-cousins-once-removed may have been blessed by the Clueless doctrine. However you're falling into a familiar trap that many guys fall into, which has a historical success rate of about 0%, and you're about to do that in a family context, where it will be the most interesting thing about you.
From the utility standpoint, a step-cousin is the same as an adopted cousin (no blood relation). From another standpoint, it's even further removed from familial association (less influence and interaction than genuine cousin)
Separate names with a comma.