What would you choose? Your opinions please.

[rugbyLEAGUEfan]

I did. What part do you think I missed?

Mate considering the OP is very personal and quite dignified , this really does the thread a disservice .

 

[Yoda Power]

First of all miscarriage is quite normal. It even happens to woman that never finds out and just think they are having an irregular period. This is the first time I hear someone who is on the contraceptive pill got pregnant, but I guess there is a small chance.

I can understand why you would want the child, but you are still very young so most likely there will be more opportunities. In your case I wouldn't rush into it.

You have my best wishes.

 

[Antilogic]

I'm sorry to hear about the miscarriage, Boundless. Some of my cousins have been in a similar situation, and while I can't comment directly from my own experiences, I know it was tough for them.

Biology can be finicky, but don't despair. You'll have more chances!

 

[aimeeandbeatles]

I did. What part do you think I missed?

The fact that she does not have the choice to abort anymore.

 

[Rik Meleet]

(if I was a girl) I would take my time to allow my feelings to tell me what to do.

A rational decision which doesn't feel right will haunt you all your life. A decision which may not seem the smartest (to others) but feels right will not make you regret it.

 

[G-Max]

Mate considering the OP is very personal and quite dignified , this really does the thread a disservice .

How so?

The fact that she does not have the choice to abort anymore.

Yeah, I got that. She also said "if you had that choice".

Meh. I should just leave this thread before it turns into a flame war.

 

[Boundless]

How about we just say, when replying, please state if you are talking about this situation, or your own hypothetical, to save people starting flame wars by accident. This has all been incredibly helpful and cathartic for me so I appreciate it, I really do.

 

[Cheetah]

I would like to add, with medical advances, a lot of woman (not all) can hold off pregnant until their 30s with little issue, physically. This is what I read in one of my books. It was a few years old though and I may have misunderstood it. If someone can corroborate this please do so and if I'm wrong also please say so.

Where are you getting this? 1 in 5 women in the US have a child after the age of 35. It is very common to wait to get pregnant until mid to late 30s these days.

Many places. Medical articles, conversations with doctors, forum discussions. I know a lot of people are misinformed about this, but I still find it strange that more people don't know.

Does an NPR article work as a reference? NPR: Many Women Underestimate Fertility Clock's Clang

The fastest-growing rates of childbearing are for those 40 and older. But Nail says she didn't realize until she started trying to conceive herself that many older moms struggled, enduring costly fertility treatments.

[...]

What's the chance a 30-year-old can get pregnant in one try? Many thought up to 80 percent, while in reality it's less than 30 percent. For a 40-year-old, many assumed up to a 40 percent success rate. It's actually less than 10 percent. And when you keep trying? The survey finds many think you can get pregnant more quickly than it actually happens. It also shows many women underestimate how successful fertility treatments are. Nail has now had six unsuccessful rounds of in vitro fertilization.

[...]

"The first thing they say is, 'Why didn't anybody tell me this?'" says Barbara Collura, who co-authored the survey and heads Resolve, the National Infertility Association. She laments that no federal agency pushes this issue, and neither women nor their OB-GYNs tend to bring it up. Though, Collura admits that fading fertility is a hard message to deliver.

"Let's be honest, women don't want to hear that they can't have it all," she says. "We can have a great job, we can have a master's degree, we don't need to worry about child-bearing because that's something that will come. And when it doesn't happen, women are really angry."

After all, everywhere you look these days the message seems to be that women can have it all. Take the wave of 40-something celebrity moms, some of whom do not admit to having had fertility treatments. [...]

[...]

"You tell us your fertile years rapidly decline in your mid-20s," she says. "Well, if I'm not dating anyone, and I want to have a family, what's that information going to do for me?"

A decade ago, a campaign by the American Society for Reproductive Medicine sparked a vicious backlash. Ads on public buses in several big cities featured a baby bottle shaped like an hourglass, to warn women their time was running out. But women's rights groups called it a scare tactic that left women feeling pressured and guilty.

Remember, fastest growing doesn't mean much if the initial value was small.

And the likelihood of getting pregnant if you keep trying for 12 months:



As a final thought: Yes, it is possible for women to get pregnant in their late thirties or even forties. But that's not the whole story. Most of the older mothers (mid thirties and up) do get fertility treatment, and that is very expensive, may take several tries and isn't guaranteed to work. I've heard that if you've already had a child or two, that increases your chances of becoming pregnant while older, but I don't have a source at hand, so don't quote me on it (Fun fact: Having a child also lessens the risk of some forms of cancer).

A woman having her first child in her late thirties/early forties: Very difficult, very expensive and very improbable.

Edit:
Oh, and one more if I may:

WebMD Health News: Women have an eighth of their ‘eggs’ left by age 30

Scientists have discovered why women who leave it until later in life before trying for a baby may find it harder to get pregnant: their potential egg supply is edging towards empty by the time they reach 30.

A study has tracked the sharp decline in female fertility from the moment of conception to the menopause. By the time a woman has blown out the candles on her 30th birthday she will have lost about 88% of her supply of ‘eggs’.

 

[Cheetah]

I could add one more thing concerning the topic at hand:

My ex-girlfriend was against abortion, and was very concerned about getting pregnant when the time wasn't right. So every time we had sex she had to be on the pill and I had to wear a condom.

I thought the whole double protection thing a bit much, but it obviously can be helpful... Makes me think how my life would have been if she had ever gotten pregnant...

 

[mangxema]

Honestly, if it were me that was pregnant, I think I would probably be relieved. I can be indecisive at times so I would probably have a really hard time making that choice. Then again, I'm a guy, so I really have no idea what you would have gone through.

 

[Bootstoots]

In my ignorant little theory-world, I would have wanted the fetus aborted and would have been relieved that it did that all on its own.

...but that's the perspective of someone who has never experienced anything like this. I'm sorry you had to go through this roller coaster, and hopefully you never experience another unwanted pregnancy or a miscarriage. If it's any consolation, you still do have ~10 years left of roughly peak fertility, so you will probably be able to have children once the time is right for you and Abbadon.

 

[aronnax]

If anything, at least this experience, as bad as it can be, will make it easier for you to decide when you want to have a child.

Personally, given a similar situation, I'll just be distraught. I want and love kids. But can I balance it with work and school at the young age of 22? Will I ever get another chance for children? Is there ever a right moment for a child? And say if I had the child aborted or the child was miscarriaged, when I'm 30 years old, I would think to myself: "I could have had a child of 8 right now."

Seeing that you had not been able to decide on this, take it as an experience for what you really want in life.

 

[illram]

Many places. Medical articles, conversations with doctors, forum discussions. I know a lot of people are misinformed about this, but I still find it strange that more people don't know.

Does an NPR article work as a reference? NPR: Many Women Underestimate Fertility Clock's ClangRemember, fastest growing doesn't mean much if the initial value was small.

And the likelihood of getting pregnant if you keep trying for 12 months:



As a final thought: Yes, it is possible for women to get pregnant in their late thirties or even forties. But that's not the whole story. Most of the older mothers (mid thirties and up) do get fertility treatment, and that is very expensive, may take several tries and isn't guaranteed to work. I've heard that if you've already had a child or two, that increases your chances of becoming pregnant while older, but I don't have a source at hand, so don't quote me on it (Fun fact: Having a child also lessens the risk of some forms of cancer).

A woman having her first child in her late thirties/early forties: Very difficult, very expensive and very improbable.

Edit:
Oh, and one more if I may:

WebMD Health News: Women have an eighth of their ‘eggs’ left by age 30

Well, OK, but saying chances "have all but disappeared" is different than having a 36% chance of getting pregnant if you try for a year. I know a few women who would happily take those odds. /digression

 

[GamezRule]

It's really something you can't truly know until you're there, in my opinion. Everybody has their ideas for what they'll do, but when the reality hits everything takes on a new light.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

Virtual hugs, Boundless.

In my case, I decided when I was about your age that I would not have children. I had several reasons - I knew I wasn't temperamentally suited to be the mother of human children, there would be profound disagreements about how to bring up any hypothetical children I had, and I was financially unable to care for a child.

The dealbreaker, however was this: the women on my mother's side of the family have been afflicted with cancer for several generations (that I know of). I've written about this before here, and that I worried about my mother and my chances. Well, my mother has had her turn - she was diagnosed with cancer, went through chemo twice, and survived - but minus one leg that had to be amputated.

My aunt and I are the youngest females who have not (yet) had a cancer diagnosis. My aunt is only about 7 years older than me (I'm 48), and both her children were boys. I've no idea what her opinions may be on this issue, since we've never discussed it. I made my decision early on because I simply couldn't bear the thought of bringing yet another generation into this world that carries such a genetic liability. Yes, I will never have children (I'm too old now, even if I wanted). But I made the decision that this genetic legacy that's been passed down in my family stops with me. If I had ever, for some reason, become pregnant, I would have aborted it. And the only regret I have felt has been that my father's side of the family also stops with me, since I have no siblings or cousins on that side.

Boundless, there are many women who experience early miscarriages and never know they were even pregnant. There are many who have had your own experience (and mental/emotional reservations and indecision). I sincerely hope that you can come to peace with what happened and accept that there are times when nature takes its course for the better.

 

[Mechanicalsalvation]

You are with guy you love, you want a child and you probably can have one. Everything else is a detail....

 

[downtown]

Will I ever get another chance for children? .

Forgive me, I don't mean to be rude, but I saw that Boundless also wondered about this...and I'm totally curious as to the basis for that fear. You're guys are really young! Why wouldn't you have other chances to have kids?

 

[Traitorfish]

You are with guy you love, you want a child and you probably can have one. Everything else is a detail....

The fact that she's only 22 years old and just embarking on a career is a pretty big "detail".

 

[warpus]

I'm sorry to hear that Boundless

Personally at 22 I would have chosen to end the pregnancy. Now at 26 I'm not so sure.

I think I agree, but am finding it really tough to put myself in the shoes of a pregnant woman. I have it good - I can never get impregnated and don't have to deal with something like this firsthand.

 

[kochman]

Not a female, of course... but, if the child were made (even accidentally) out of love, I would keep it. End of story, no matter the potential personal repercussions.