What would you do if a bird picked you up?

[MaryKB]

My friend asked a bunch of us this question, and we ended up having a very interesting discussion as several of us had very different reactions. Just for fun.

Imagine you're out walking or something on a warm summer's day, and suddenly out of nowhere you're lifted into the air by a giant bird that swooped down and grabbed you, and now you're off flying.

How do you feel you'll react? Do you wait and see where you're taken, or do you try to struggle and make it let you go?

 

[Lexicus]

I ask the bird politely to make my death as painless as possible

 

[Farm Boy]

Defecate, I presume.

 

[GoodEnoughForMe]

Well seeing as how I am Gandalf, the eagle will drop me off precisely where I mean to.

 

[rah]

I'd make sure I had a pack of smokes for after.

 

[Synobun]

I ask the bird politely to make my death as painless as possible

Damnit, Lexicus. I was going to say "promptly plummet to my death".

 

[Lexicus]

I don't like the plummeting. If the bird severs my carotid arteries real quick then I'll be unconscious for everything else that happens, thanks mr. bird

 

[bernie14]

I'd make sure I had a pack of smokes for after.

So the baby birds can have a smoke after their meal? Hopefully l would die of a heart attack before i am eaten.... if i dont have a heart attack, i would probably struggle to the point of exhaustion...

 

[Timsup2nothin]

Make the bird drop you to your death is not particularly attractive. I have some experience with fatalistically dealing with life threatening situations, as demonstrated by the recurring aircraft black box recordings where the pilots are just calmly going through checklists amid the clanging of alarm after alarm ends in the eventual crash, so I'm confident that I wouldn't just freak out.

I'm going with pull off my belt, attach it around a leg or toe as available, and use it for a handhold in case the bird tries to drop me.

 

[Ryika]

Clearly I don't want to fall to my death so I'd probably prepare for the moment it drops me in its nest where I'll need to gouge a few young bird's - and then probably the large bird's - eyes out to survive.

Maybe I'm overly confident, bit it seems like a bird doesn't really have a defense against that.

In a more fantastical world, it actually sounds like a fun adventure.

 

[Timsup2nothin]

Typical bird behavior is to fly prey off to a safer place to eat it, so there's no grounds for assuming you are being flown to a nest full of young. In fact, if there is a nest full of young the more typical behavior is to eat you and then fly home and regurgitate for the young rather than just drop you in the nest. You are only getting dropped in the nest if it happens to be that short window where the young are being taught to kill live prey.

 

[Ryika]

There was a child television shows that I watched, when someone was picked up by a bird, they were flown to the nest, where hungry young birds were waiting for them.

I don't remember what show it was, but I have that image burned into my brain. I feel like if I investigate, I'll find some dark truths about my past that I'd rather leave untouched.

 

[Timsup2nothin]

There was a child television shows that I watched, when someone was picked up by a bird, they were flown to the nest, where hungry young birds were waiting for them.

I don't remember what show it was, but I have that image burned into my brain. I feel like if I investigate, I'll find some dark truths about my past that I'd rather leave untouched.

That's a standard trope, but in the event of actually being picked up by a bird you want to make your plans based on actual bird behavior, not TV/movie tropes. Just like if you are in the afterlife and haunting a house, don't count on being able to whisper "get out" in people's ears and have them just hang around until you set them up for some gruesome killing. That's the trope, but in the real they're gonna bolt.

 

[Ryika]

Well, then I'll only have to gouge out the eyes of only one bird, makes it so much easier!

 

[Timsup2nothin]

Well, then I'll only have to gouge out the eyes of only one bird, makes it so much easier!

There you go.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

My friend asked a bunch of us this question, and we ended up having a very interesting discussion as several of us had very different reactions. Just for fun.

Imagine you're out walking or something on a warm summer's day, and suddenly out of nowhere you're lifted into the air by a giant bird that swooped down and grabbed you, and now you're off flying.

How do you feel you'll react? Do you wait and see where you're taken, or do you try to struggle and make it let you go?

I would assume I was taking part in a Dungeons & Dragons campaign I once DM'd, in which the bird drops the adventurers into its nest. They have to escape before they become dinner for the baby birds, and the adventure continues from there.

Making it let you go before getting to the nest isn't a smart idea. It's a long way down and you'd make a messy splat as you abruptly reach 0 hit points.

 

[sophie]

Why is the assumption always that the bird is capturing you to feed to its young? Adult birds have to eat too, and I don't think there's much defense against the bird pinning you to the ground and disemboweling you with its beak.

 

[AmazonQueen]

I so thought this thread was going to be about something completely different (bird being slang for attractive young women here).
Anyway I'd hang on and wait for the genie to appear since it sounds very Arabian Nights.

 

[bernie14]

I think i saw the same show @Ryika saw, nor have i been properly trained in "contingencies of giant bird abduction", so i will stick to heart attack or fainting.....however, perhaps after reading this thread, i will be better prepared... maybe i should buy a gun?

 

[Timsup2nothin]

Why is the assumption always that the bird is capturing you to feed to its young? Adult birds have to eat too, and I don't think there's much defense against the bird pinning you to the ground and disemboweling you with its beak.

That's an added benefit of the belt as handhold. There is a very short window of opportunity when the bird is landing. It wants to land in a 'strike' and slam you into whatever it is landing on, pinning you underfoot. You need the best grip you can get to yank yourself out of the way when it opens its talons for that or you have no shot at all.