You've Woken Up with a Corpse in Your Bed

[Zelig]

You wake up one morning, a regular weekday before you're due at work, except there is a human corpse next to you in your bed.

You don't know much about corpses, but it seems relatively freshly dead. Corpse is of the opposite sex, nude, has no visible signs of trauma, and no distinctive features. It is not someone you can ever recall meeting previously.

What do you do?

 

[_random_]

Call 911.

 

[Quackers]

Roll over and go back to sleep.

 

[Cheezy the Wiz]

Call 911.

Assuming this is srs thread, this is the best way to remove the almost inevitable suspicion from you.

Assuming this is lol thread, fire up the grill.

 

[Angst]

First, I probably freak out, especially if the corpse's eyes are open.

Then I call 911.

I think you're shooting for some moralistic problem, but I don't see it, really. Why wouldn't I call 911 in this case?

 

[_random_]

Assuming this is lol thread, fire up the grill.

Well in that case, give me time to think up some good necrophilia jokes.

 

[Zelig]

Call 911.

Assuming this is srs thread, this is the best way to remove the almost inevitable suspicion from you.

911 is for emergencies, there's nothing urgent about a corpse.

If you're worried about legal liability, you're better off calling a lawyer anyway.

 

[Cheezy the Wiz]

911 is for emergencies, there's nothing urgent about a corpse.

If you're worried about legal liability, you're better off calling a lawyer anyway.

If you don't think reporting a found dead body is 911 material (which it is), then use the non-emergency number for the Sheriff's Office.

 

[Lord Gay]

Well, I've got morning wood and there's someone in my bed so... wait, they're the opposite sex? I call the cops then. Jeez, that would have been disgusting.

On a serious note, I would examine myself for signs of being drugged or activity while unconscious. I would search my place for signs of breaking and entering or to see if someone else is still around (or even more corpses). I'd look for things out of place, review my recent memories, and of course, check to make sure the person really is dead, and not unconscious.

 

[Joecoolyo]

Sounds like an average morning.

 

[NedimNapoleon]

Freak out, put gloves on, check the ID of the victim, try to remember what happened last night, if everything that doesn't work, try to find out the cause of death (if its not shot/stabbed/OD'd) call the police.

 

[Perfection]

Point of clarification: Was she cute?

 

[Leoreth]

"Geez, a horse head would've gotten the point across just as well."

 

[Integral]

Call one of my friends. We have contingency plans for times like these.

 

[GoodSarmatian]

Needs more context.
What did I do last night ? Was so I drunk that it's possible I don't remember last night ? Or was it just a day like any other and I just wake up with a naked corpse that magically appeared in my bed ?
Most likely I'd call the authorities, but if I have total amnesia I'd first try to verify that none of my friends knows this person or at least hasn't seen me with her and then try to get rid of the evidence (preferably with acid).

 

[shadowplay]

I would call 911 without any hesitation - I think an unexplained corpse next to me qualifies as an emergency.

In a situation like that, you do everything above the board and completely within the scope of the law, or you're only incriminating yourself, in my opinion. Dumping the body into the bog and hoping no one notices it was you isn't going to help the situation.

 

[Synobun]

Call 911. If I had been drugged and caused the death of another and drunkenly put them in my bed as I passed out (However unlikely this would be, me getting drunk? Hah.), I would deserve the prison sentence anyways.

 

[Cheezy the Wiz]

Freak out, put gloves on, check the ID of the victim, try to remember what happened last night, if everything that doesn't work, try to find out the cause of death (if its not shot/stabbed/OD'd) call the police.

Touching or handling the body in any way is a very bad idea. Remember that the person to report a dead body is always the police's first suspect. You don't want to give them any reason to suspect you.

Call one of my friends. We have contingency plans for times like these.

 

[Oatse]

Hope accidentally ****ing someone to death doesn't count as murder.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

You wake up one morning, a regular weekday before you're due at work, except there is a human corpse next to you in your bed.

You don't know much about corpses, but it seems relatively freshly dead. Corpse is of the opposite sex, nude, has no visible signs of trauma, and no distinctive features. It is not someone you can ever recall meeting previously.

What do you do?

Hope I've got my copy of Heinlein's To Sail Beyond the Sunset handy to tell me what to do next, because this happened to Maureen Johnson in that book.