You've Woken Up with a Corpse in Your Bed

[LegionSteve]

"Oh no, not again "

Seriously, the first thing I would probably do is grab the nearest large heavy object suitable for hitting someone with, and check every room in my house to see if whoever brought the corpse was still around. Then call the police.

 

[NedimNapoleon]

Touching or handling the body in any way is a very bad idea. Remember that the person to report a dead body is always the police's first suspect. You don't want to give them any reason to suspect you.

As I said gloves, and not really touch the body, just lets say if you find her purse, check for info and just look for any obvious murder signs (wounds, discoloration of the neck aka strangling, OD...)

 

[Winner]

"Awkward," he thought.

Anyway, I don't think I'd kill someone, especially not a woman, even under the influence, in bed and then went to sleep. Which means, either someone put her in my bed (which is bad), or she ODed or something (which is also bad), or she died of some natural cause while I was sleeping. In any case, I am innocent, so I call the cops.

On the outside chance I did kill her, I am screwed. I don't remember last night and therefore I don't know how many people saw me with this person. Even if I wanted to get rid of the body and pretend nothing has happened, I'd probably be caught and the fact that I have tried to hide the crime wouldn't exactly benefit my defence in court. So I call the cops as well. Manslaughter in this country doesn't carry that high of a prison sentence, if it's proven to be accidental.

 

[Luckymoose]

You wake up one morning, a regular weekday before you're due at work, except there is a human corpse next to you in your bed.

You don't know much about corpses, but it seems relatively freshly dead. Corpse is of the opposite sex, nude, has no visible signs of trauma, and no distinctive features. It is not someone you can ever recall meeting previously.

What do you do?

Is she still warm?

 

[Yeekim]

Is she still warm?

- And how did you notice that your wife was, in fact, dead?
- Well, sex was just as usual, but the dishes started to pile up...

 

[vypernight]

Break our the witchcraft book. Time to make a zombie.

 

[rugbyLEAGUEfan]

Brush my teeth, have a coffee and a fag.

I want to resemble a human being before dealing with something like this

 

[FinlandGamer]

Spoiler :

gigiti gigity gigity necrophilia!

First check my apartment for intruders, and then call 911. Even if i did it, it would seem nicer in court.

 

[Save_Ferris]

Smoke a cigarette.

 

[classical_hero]

Brush my teeth, have a coffee and a fag.

I want to resemble a human being before dealing with something like this

I thought you gave up smoking.

 

[warpus]

- Scream
- Lawyer up
- Hit the gym

 

[NickyJ]

Grab my shotgun and make sure it doesn't turn into a zombie. Then maybe have an "accidental" gas leak before I move to Australia.

 

[Farm Boy]

Not to bring down the levity, but my wife works in county dispatch, people call 911 for waking up next to the dead regularly. Granted it's often the elderly but heart attacks and whatnot happen, you still need to dispatch medics and/or the coroner to check, verify, and document. Most people don't think about it much, but people die all the time, the coroner is a busy boy.

 

[NickyJ]

But as the OP said, "It is not someone you can ever recall meeting previously." I doubt many people call in with those cases.

 

[Farm Boy]

I doubt those cases actually happen very often. I guess it would depend on what I was doing the night before. Stone sober chilling with the kid? WTH? I'm calling the cops. Was I drunk, candy flipping, and am now pretty hazy? I might need a bag of calcium oxide and a shovel.

 

[rugbyLEAGUEfan]

I thought you gave up smoking.

I did. After 23 years of smoking I quit for 4 months then took it up again and haven't tried to quit again. Piss weak I know and I absolutely despise the addiction.

 

[Farm Boy]

Damned monkey never goes away even after a year of not smoking. It does get a little quieter though. This coming from a guy who is currently smoking again as well. ><

 

[Lord Gay]

Most people don't think about it much, but people die all the time, the coroner is a busy boy.

I dated a guy briefly whose job it was to pick up the recently dead and take them whereever. This was in Miami, where bodies get ripe quickly. When people died alone and/ or unnoticed their bodies might be there for several days and the area usually had to be aired out for a while before he could even go in.

I'm sure all of you were dying to hear that.

 

[Quackers]

Moar anecdotes!

 

[Lord Gay]

Later Quackers, right now it's time for your cookies and milk.