Do you believe in total depravity?
Yes.
Do you believe that man has free will in regards to whether to accept Christ, or does God choose who accepts Christ, and who doesn't?
I believe that man has the free will to accept Christ.
What's with the whole "masturbation is wrong" thing?
This is an interpretation. Some people believe it's a phase, I'm gonna go with this one.

Where in the Bible does it say that a priest has the ability to forgive sins? Isn't God the only one who can forgive sins? Or do the priests just tell you that you are forgiven, but not actually do it?
Nowhere, but we don't get all our things from the Bible. We don't take the Bible completely literally. God is the only one who can forgive sins truly, the priest's function is to remind you that you are forgiven, and it's good to get it off your chest, as my priest last year said. Only God can truly forgive you, and only then if you are truly sorry for what you have done.