Ask A Girl IV: Boundless Questions

[Abaddon]

He actually didn't call you a moron, but I am beginning to suspect otherwise.


@GIRLS: Often when taught sex education in school the girls and boys were separated. Seemingly it didn't seem worth the hassle to teach boys (10y.o I think) about periods and wotnot. I personally think that was a really bad move an many contribute to the generic immature males response to periods/tampons/pms and everything else that comes with it. Obviously I think this was a bad thing. But, if you did have these segregated sex-ed classes.. were you glad the boys were let out early while you were told such things?

 

[SuperJay]

Oh, and thanks for calling me a moron.

You usually write some very intelligent posts; I'm surprised you're being so deliberately pig-headed about this. Your tone and demeanor almost make me wish I'd submitted my original, much more insulting reply to you, but I decided to maintain some decency.

It's disappointing that you were unable to do the same, but I understand the temptation to be condescending while hiding behind the anonymity of the Internet.

 

[Abaddon]

Please guys, take it to PM or something, its not worth getting the thread locked over.

 

[Mise]

He actually didn't call you a moron, but I am beginning to suspect otherwise.


@GIRLS: Often when taught sex education in school the girls and boys were separated. Seemingly it didn't seem worth the hassle to teach boys (10y.o I think) about periods and wotnot. I personally think that was a really bad move an many contribute to the generic immature males response to periods/tampons/pms and everything else that comes with it. Obviously I think this was a bad thing. But, if you did have these segregated sex-ed classes.. were you glad the boys were let out early while you were told such things?

We were forced to watch classic Welsh rugby matches instead.

 

[Abaddon]

We were forced to watch classic Welsh rugby matches instead.

We never covered things like homosexuality. You must have been in quite a progressive school!

 

[LucyDuke]

If you succeed in ratting them out the consequences will be dire. You have to make a moral consideration on whether or not you are fine with that. I very much want to suggest that you hardly can.

Could be dire. If the young one denies everything, there's nothing to go on.

Again. I'm such a bad person for feeling that a bunch of people contemplating to destroy some person with a law based on 19th century religious bigotry only because they feel in their teeny hearts that minors having sex (he's a freakin minor too, no matter what the stupid law says) is gross. I should be ashamed of myself.[/size]

It's puritan to disapprove of minors having sex with adults? I agree that the spread isn't outrageous, but that's pretty gross too.

It'd be best to have the parents deal with it.

 

[SuperJay]

We were forced to watch classic Welsh rugby matches instead.

Wait, what??

I agree with Abaddon re: segregated classes, but I don't remember if our Health class was divided up to discuss those things or not. I do see a value in providing an opportunity to have separate Q&A sessions for girls and boys at some point; they may be more comfortable asking sensitive questions that could be embarassing in a full classroom.

EDIT: That said, I would hope most kids could ask their parents those questions, but you never know. I was fortunate in that regard.

 

[LucyDuke]

@GIRLS: Often when taught sex education in school the girls and boys were separated. Seemingly it didn't seem worth the hassle to teach boys (10y.o I think) about periods and wotnot. I personally think that was a really bad move an many contribute to the generic immature males response to periods/tampons/pms and everything else that comes with it. Obviously I think this was a bad thing. But, if you did have these segregated sex-ed classes.. were you glad the boys were let out early while you were told such things?

I took two sex ed classes, they didn't teach me anything my mother didn't. I personally wouldn't've cared if there had been boys in the room. I think before menarche the whole topic is a bit too abstract to be embarrassed about. Also I was curious about penises so it'd've been interesting to sit in with the boys. Other girls, though, I knew girls in high school that were squeamish.

You may have a point there, about the cause of the menstruphobia. "Anatomy of the opposite sex" would do well to cover the physical elements. I don't think PMS needs to be taught in school, they'll figure that out on their own.

 

[metatron]

Could be dire. If the young one denies everything, there's nothing to go on.

That's why i qualified with "succeed".

It's puritan to disapprove of minors having sex with adults? I agree that the spread isn't outrageous, but that's pretty gross too.

As is said: I don't consider him that much more an adult than her. Legally he may be. One may debate whether such an arbitrary distinction is necessary. But in terms of "grossness" he's a kid, too.

It'd be best to have the parents deal with it.

I completely agree. And that's my actual point. If the parents are unable or unwilling to check how this is going and whether she is in harms way that is the problem, not the fact that she is sleeping with an 18 year old. The same necessity for parental concern and attention would exist if he was 14 like her.

You usually write some very intelligent posts; I'm surprised you're being so deliberately pig-headed about this. Your tone and demeanor almost make me wish I'd submitted my original, much more insulting reply to you, but I decided to maintain some decency.

It's disappointing that you were unable to do the same, but I understand the temptation to be condescending while hiding behind the anonymity of the Internet.

But i suggest that you should think about my motivation 1 minute longer: Teenagers have sex. Always did, always will. And that's fine. People age 14 are actual persons, small adults in some ways, kids in other ways. They should have some right to make choices in their romantic life. Parents should be allowed to cut into those rights, but that's about it.
Decreeing that no one age >18 can have sex with anyone age <18 is not a good solution*. Actually it's incredibly cruel. And as any law that is customarily broken by an awesome amount of people it a slippery slope to the worst in human character and behavior: Some get ratted out and face incredibly cruel punishment while the same behavior is tolerated in the vast majority of cases.

*There are numerous others. Don't strawman me with a false dichotomy, please.

I'm ready to argue further in a deliberatly decent fashion once the moderation has a) decided whether we are allowed to discuss this at all b) cut the thing out as an independent thread.

He actually didn't call you a moron, but I am beginning to suspect otherwise.

You're not [insert insult], stop acting like [insert said insult].
Wow, we could have lot's of fun with that.

 

[Abaddon]

(I had to google menarche!)

Yeah I found it very weird we were not taught it at the early age classes, and then next time we got sex ed, it was all about sexual diseases and pregnancy.. we kinda just skipped over periods..

Growing up in a male dominated household (just me, mum and dad) I never really had any way of finding it out (nor would I really have wanted to as a boy) but it would have been good to have it "forced" almost at a younger age, so it simply wouldn't matter later on.

 

[SuperJay]

Growing up in a male dominated household (just me, mum and dad) I never really had any way of finding it out (nor would I really have wanted to as a boy) but it would have been good to have it "forced" almost at a younger age, so it simply wouldn't matter later on.

That's funny, in a way. My mom was the only female in our household (with three males - dad, brother, me) and she basically took it upon herself to explain those things to my brother and I. It sounds like a totally awkward and uncomfortable conversation, but it wasn't all that weird and it helped fill in the gaps that health classes left.

 

[Kennigit]

Well, I assume I'll educate myself better later about female anatomy, but I know the stuff taught to me in public school was 1) very limited and 2) completely unprepares me to raise a female child.

This was with various sex ed classes, largely in Virginia public schools (attended all of high school in Virginia) ie. about ages 13-18. First introduced to public schooling sex ed classes fourth grade (on male anatomy age 9-10ish).

The quality was pretty poor imo, but it's not like the things are that difficult. However, they really don't teach the boys anything about periods at all, and I would not be able to help a potential daughter at all without doing further research or consulting a responsible female (be it the mother, my mother, whatever).

So I don't think it's that big of a deal, but depending on your view of education, I say public sex ed really makes you unprepared to help others, and leaves you unprepared to educate your own children.

 

[Abaddon]

That's funny, in a way. My mom was the only female in our household (with three males - dad, brother, me) and she basically took it upon herself to explain those things to my brother and I. It sounds like a totally awkward and uncomfortable conversation, but it wasn't all that weird and it helped fill in the gaps that health classes left.

Perhaps my mother was just a bit rubbish then. I'd tend to fob her off and ask dad stuff.. but perhaps she should have pressed just once for that awkward conversation

 

[Narz]

What do guys really need to know about periods anyway? All you need to know is you don't get to have sex for a few days & the few days before that try to be extra nice & absent as much as possible. When it's all over they often want it again almost as much as you wanna give it, absence makes the... um, heart, grow fonder.

 

[SuperJay]

Right, the heart certainly grows fonder

I think it's useful for everyone to know the biology. The more open and rational we are about our bodies - especially in matters relating to sex and reproduction - the better. Demystify some of this stuff at an early age, help children understand the processes our bodies go through in life, and do away with a lot of the unnecessary body shame that can come with a lack of education or understanding.

 

[Abaddon]

What Jay said. As a young boy, you have NO IDEA what the hell is going on with girls, and the idea blood "just comes out" is frankly alien and disgusting. If it had been explained how/why it happened, and the whole "this is totally natural" there would be a lot less issue about it at all.

 

[Narz]

It's something you can explain in half an hour, if that, I don't think you need a whole class for that, IMO it's less awkward just to be taught it at home.

AFAICR I don't recall my folks teaching my anything about sex. I plan to answer any questions my daughter may have (referring her to her mother about the female stuff & answering questions about teenage boys [and why to avoid them ] myself). My hope is that by demystifying males & being open & accessible I will make my daughter less susceptible to ending up in bad situations with them. Anyway, fortunately I don't have to worry about this stuff for a decade.

 

[Abaddon]

I agree. But what I am saying is that during sex-ed class, the BOYS were sent OUT of the classroom while the girls remained to have it explained. I can never figure out why they did this...

 

[LucyDuke]

To mollycoddle the girls.

 

[Yared]

A 14 year old with an 18 year old? Unless you have reason to believe that it's non consensual (and I don't think so unless I've missed something), you have NO RIGHT to interfere with their sex life. Seriously...

One time I was at a table at lunch with 3 girls, and they asked me which one was the hottest. The answer was quite obvious, because two of them were teh ugs, but I still said 'all of you are beautiful'. Imagine the awkwardness if I had said the hot one was the hottest they would've been mad at me.

I would've said "It's a tie between you two girls" and point at the ugly ones, and then ignored whatever indignation the attractive woman would express.