Breakup: what happens next

[downtown]

So last night, me and my girlfriend broke up. The whole thing has hit me very hard...we had been dating for around 16 months, and I thought things were eventually going to move in a much more serious direction (I had been quietly saving money for a ring).

The pain is compounded by my living situation. I've struggled to find more than superficial friends in my new city, and my job is terribly soul-sucking (not in a boring way, but in a profoundly depressing see-a-shrink-way)...so I don't have much of a support structure to help through the next steps. Me and my girlfriend were in the same fraternity in college, and shared most of our close friends. My family and I aren't especially close at the moment.

I tend to stay in relationships for a pretty long time, so I don't have too many big breakups under my belt. What do I do? How do I go about coping with losing one of the most important people in my day to day life? How long does it take? What should I say to my students when they find me even more depressed than usual in the next week? (thats only a little bit of a facetious question. My 4th graders are hyper sensitive to anything about *me*)

Please don't say get drunk. That may help, but I am still Mormon after all.

What did you do to get back on your feet after a breakup?

 

[Cutlass]

You could try taking up an activity that keeps you too busy to think on it much. But not a solitary one. A bowling league? It's approaching spring, softball?

 

[Neonanocyborgasm]

So last night, me and my girlfriend broke up. The whole thing has hit me very hard...we had been dating for around 16 months, and I thought things were eventually going to move in a much more serious direction (I had been quietly saving money for a ring).

The pain is compounded by my living situation. I've struggled to find more than superficial friends in my new city, and my job is terribly soul-sucking (not in a boring way, but in a profoundly depressing see-a-shrink-way)...so I don't have much of a support structure to help through the next steps. Me and my girlfriend were in the same fraternity in college, and shared most of our close friends. My family and I aren't especially close at the moment.

I tend to stay in relationships for a pretty long time, so I don't have too many big breakups under my belt. What do I do? How do I go about coping with losing one of the most important people in my day to day life? How long does it take? What should I say to my students when they find me even more depressed than usual in the next week? (thats only a little bit of a facetious question. My 4th graders are hyper sensitive to anything about *me*)

Please don't say get drunk. That may help, but I am still Mormon after all.

What did you do to get back on your feet after a breakup?

In all seriousness, the best way to get over a breakup is to get laid.

 

[Synobun]

In all seriousness, the best way to get over a breakup is to get laid.

Not all the time.

DT, it depends on the kind of person you are, getting over something is different for everyone, and sometimes it may very well take over a year to get it off your mind just because that's how your brain works.

 

[gangleri2001]

So last night, me and my girlfriend broke up. The whole thing has hit me very hard...we had been dating for around 16 months, and I thought things were eventually going to move in a much more serious direction (I had been quietly saving money for a ring).

The pain is compounded by my living situation. I've struggled to find more than superficial friends in my new city, and my job is terribly soul-sucking (not in a boring way, but in a profoundly depressing see-a-shrink-way)...so I don't have much of a support structure to help through the next steps. Me and my girlfriend were in the same fraternity in college, and shared most of our close friends. My family and I aren't especially close at the moment.

I tend to stay in relationships for a pretty long time, so I don't have too many big breakups under my belt. What do I do? How do I go about coping with losing one of the most important people in my day to day life? How long does it take? What should I say to my students when they find me even more depressed than usual in the next week? (thats only a little bit of a facetious question. My 4th graders are hyper sensitive to anything about *me*)

Please don't say get drunk. That may help, but I am still Mormon after all.

What did you do to get back on your feet after a breakup?

This:


Link to video.

 

[RedRalph]

In all seriousness, the best way to get over a breakup is to get laid.

It worked for me when I was in that situation, but it's not for everyone. Sorry to hear it DT. What I'd do if I was you is take a break from work, go on a holiday either on your tod or with a mate. Basically run away from your problems for a while. In the short-term it's a good way to deal with things.

 

[Ramius75]

buck up, be a better man, find a better woman.

 

[Cheezy the Wiz]

Demonize her in your thoughts. Every time you find your mind creeping back to her and how good things were, immediately remind yourself of something you really hated about her (the break up itself can serve this function fantastically) and how you're actually glad that you are no longer with someone who would do something like this to you. Its not like a job, where everything is honky-dory so long as you manage to keep it; if you're broken up and its definitely a for-good broken up, then IT was never going to happen anyway, so it would be better for you to revel in your luck that you escaped that situation as soon as you did, rather than mire in the hypotheticals about what "could have been," since in reality, it couldn't have been, except in the realm of your mind.

 

[Kozmos]

Struggle through a series of meaningless post breakup hookups, realize what you lost and how unlikely it is you are ever going to get it back, become a jerk like Dr. House, antagonize pretty much everyone you know, get tired of it all, drink three different kinds of alcohol, eat some chocolate cake, go to sleep, find your soul in your secret place, wake up and go on with your life.

 

[Godwynn]

Don't listen to slow or sad music for a while. I've found out that only adds to the pain.

 

[Cheezy the Wiz]

Listen to this over and over again.


Link to video.

 

[MobBoss]

Seek out other members of your faith for support and share with them your feelings.

Dont view the relationship as 'lost time', but rather realize that if it were meant to be it would have worked out. Use the experience to learn about yourself and what you look for/need in a potential lifemate.

 

[Grimz101]

Immersing yourself in work/drink/one night stands will not be food for the soul, you need to keep yourself buzy with something you truly like. Look at your childhood, things you haven't done for years. Don't feel that you're being selfish, you've been in a relationship for that long, one which you thought had the potential to lead to marriage. just do whatever you need to do you're grieving over the relationship.

Edit:
Or date one of your students mums

 

[bigdog5994]

Don't listen to slow or sad music for a while. I've found out that only adds to the pain.

do the opposite of this

 

[Shekwan]

You could try taking up an activity that keeps you too busy to think on it much. But not a solitary one. A bowling league? It's approaching spring, softball?

Yeah this, exercise and living healthy in general will help your mood a lot. Its hard to do this when your depressed so the idea to join some sort of sports team is ideal.

 

[Yared]

If you don't mind me asking... Why did she break up with you?
It's just easier to cheer you up then

-

The best way is really to stay in contact with other people. Hang out with your friends (the few you have) some more, maybe get back in touch with your family (you could invite someone over if you're not too busy), and, most importantly, keep posting on this forum

 

[Grimz101]

Become a superhero at night time!

 

[Brighteye]

Don't wallow in the pain. Take a deep breath. Let it out slowly. Do it again. Tell yourself that the pain is now part of who you are.
What is done is past. You are more than you were. Absorb the pain and let the scar become part of you. Don't think 'why did this happen to me?' or 'why was I such a fool?' but 'this is who I am.'

If you hadn't fallen in love, you wouldn't be the good Mormon you are. You'd have been leading her on. If you hadn't spent any time with her at all, you'd not have enjoyed those times you did enjoy.

You can't plan your life. You can simply respond well to life. Things such as this cannot be avoided. There is no way to live a fulfilling life without risking mishaps. You need to live in the present whilst planning for the future, rather than living for the future and planning in the present. You had many good moments with her. You have had one bad week or so. Now look for new moments. Not necessarily with a new love yet, but at work, or making new friends.

In a year you can look back on months of moping and wasted time, or you can look back contentedly on painful, emotional months of work, dealing with the break-up whilst moving on. Would you rather have slightly less pain in a year and be no further forwards in your life, or have less pain in a year and have set yourself up with interesting activities, a couple of new friends and maybe some more grateful students?

 

[Godwynn]

Become a superhero at night time!

He already is during the day time!

THE MAN NEEDS TO SLEEP SOMETIME

 

[fugazi]

Load up your Ipod with great songs and start jogging/running. Stack up on good movies and or books for when you ain't out burning energy. Getting back into a healthy sleeping pattern and genuinely being too tired to think about this to keep you awake should get you into a rhythm without her, making the fact she aint there way easier to deal with.

Also, now is the time to find a new hobby that involves other people. A teamsport, some sort of gamingclub, I dont know.