Comedy Improv One-Liner Contest Thread, Part Two

[Optical]

Nothing ever happens.

(Eh, well, it's true.)

 

[Lord Baal]

Too much involvement with my mother.

 

[Yeekim]

It has turned into a commercial venture.

 

[Veritass]

I declare Gori the Grey the winner, for the simplicity.

 

[Gori the Grey]

Your mother is like a shopping-mall Santa:

 

[_random_]

She has frequent secret orgies with men dressed as elves.

 

[Zack]

Fat, hairy, and paid to dress up in costume and perform a job function primarily involving people's laps.

 

[KaiserElectric]

She terrifies children.

 

[dragonprobably]

I would not want to be either.

 

[madviking]

Your mother is like a shopping-mall Santa:

fat .

 

[Fr8monkey]

Your mother is like a shopping-mall Santa:

Sit on their lap and get a case of "Santa's Little Helpers".

 

[Lord Baal]

Covered in children's urine.

 

[Veritass]

Your mother is like a shopping-mall Santa:

The facial hair hides the wrinkles, and the combat boots hide the cankles.

 

[Kullervo]

Played by Billy Bob Thornton.

 

[Gori the Grey]

I deem Zack the victor.

 

[Zack]

My co-workers are like my Christmas tree:

 

[SamSniped]

High as hell and needing to be lit up.

 

[Popcornlord]

Just stands there doing nothing.

 

[_random_]

I sometimes hit on them during especially wild parties.

 

[dragonprobably]

Mindless, soulless, does nothing except show off it's fancy decorations, and gets wasted on New Year's Eve.