Daily Mail posits terrifying new European war

[luiz]

That's the most ridiculous "what-if" scenario I've read in my life.

 

[classical_hero]

That is for the article, not Luiz.

 

[aelf]

Even for the Daily Mail that's a surprising article. The basic message of the Mail is "Don't leave the house because there's scary immigrants out there trying to steal your job, so stay in and keep reading our paper."

Nah, I'm going to go for the bog-standard "Don't trust Labour, the French or the Russians."

 

[Civ'ed]

Nah, I'm going to go for the bog-standard "Don't trust Labour, the French or the Russians."

or how about the all classic "Russians are Communists, French still believe in Napoleon and Labour are going to make us Russian so vote Tory"?

 

[aimeeandbeatles]

What about my theory?

 

[NickyJ]

This.

But really, I think the true question is which is scarier: The war scenario you listed, or the wall of text that was used to list it?

 

[GoodGame]

I'm definitely going to watch this movie!

Sounds like the European version of Red Dawn.

Also, I want distribution rights to whatever Mr. Sandbrook has been smoking.

Somewhat possible given the history of the region, though I don't see the reason for a modern France vs. England.

Also, they fail to explain this:

By the following year, a peaceful settlement to the implosion of the European Union seemed increasingly unlikely.

Why isn't an interim financial solution found by Jan 2013?

And why does Sarkozy suddenly morph into Napoleon, lol? I can semi-believe Putin turning into Stalin/Peter the Great, but that's about that.


I agree this is kind of like Red Dawn, with not a lot really driving it other than ideology and some very general trends (e.g. the kind of silly: if we don't unionize, we'll fall straight into the hands of the belligerent neo-nazis).


Edit: Also, where's NATO? Where's the US president? Who's the US president in this one?

 

[Ajidica]

I'm still trying to figure out how attending a Eurozone debt summit leads to Sarkozy sending troops into Italy in an occupation.
Napoleon is dead, and France hasn't held Great Power status since WWI.

 

[Lone Wolf]

Sarkozy is nothing but a puppet of the international finance capital and Washington-Brussels Catholic-Judeo-Masonic octopus. Everyone who doesn't understand it needs to brace up on their Radical Conspiracism.

 

[Ajidica]

Sarkozy is nothing but a puppet of the international finance capital and Washington-Brussels Catholic-Judeo-Masonic octopus.

But I thought the head of that conspiracy, Paul the Psychic Octopus, had died.

 

[aelf]

France hasn't held Great Power status since WWI.

But they have aircraft carriers! Are you saying Britain hasn't been a Great Power?

 

[SG-17]

But they have aircraft carriers! Are you saying Britain hasn't been a Great Power?

France has nukes, that alone makes them at least a regional power.

 

[amadeus]

I think a more plausible implausible scenario would be something like this:

2011-12: Greeks revolt over austerity measures. Tax revenues fall and the Greek government is unable to meet the demands of its creditors. Under the guise of restoring order to rebelled areas, the Greek government declares a state of emergency dispatches the army. The army is given two specific tasks: restore order and collect back taxes. Greek civilians begin fighting with the army.

2012, February: France and Germany try to get European support for a "peacekeeping" operation in Greece. Italy, torn by internal problems and fearful of retribution, goes along with the Franco-German proposal. Britain, Spain, Poland, and other European states reject and the proposal does not go forward. Three weeks later, France unilaterally declares it will intervene in Greece. Merkel decides to try and play both sides and appease domestic opinion by only offering "logistical support" but no combat troops. Almost immediately, a vote of no confidence is held and Merkel is ousted -- the German support never arrives. German taxpayers celebrate.

2012, April: French intervention in Greece continues and the Greek government remains largely unable to control much of its territory. Greek troops begin to resent French troops, who are increasingly taking command of their own army with the compliance of the flaccid Greek government. Sarkozy is defeated in the first round of the French presidential election. Hollande (PS) and Le Pen (FN) are the two run-off candidates.

2012, May: French voters, skeptical of Hollande's pledge to return French troops from Greece, elect Marine Le Pen. Le Pen, upon assumption of office, orders an immediate evacuation of French troops from Greece. The Greek government collapses and is replaced by an "interim" military administration. Greece withdraws from the frail European Union and declares bankruptcy. France quickly follows suit and issues francs at 1:1 to the euro and leaves the EU. Germany, unwilling to foot the bill for the other eurozone states, follows France and reissues the mark at 1:1 too, but tries to in vein rescue the EU. Britain leaves the EU and is soon followed by Poland, Romania, and Bulgaria.

2012, June: The battered EU votes to dissolve itself in six months. The remaining eurozone currencies try to pick up the pieces. The Baltic states discuss a single currency but are unable to reach an agreement. The United States, thankfully, has avoided intervention altogether. Life goes on.

 

[Silurian]

But I thought the head of that conspiracy, Paul the Psychic Octopus, had died.

Paul the Psychic Octopus was from the UK.
This could be part of the conspiracy

 

[aelf]

The war should be sparked by a dispute over a football match.

 

[Silurian]

El Salvador and Honduras are not in EU

 

[Yeekim]

A month later, after an angry mob had invaded the Greek parliament itself, Greece announced it was withdrawing from the euro. Almost overnight, the European markets were hit by the biggest losses in financial history.

Shouldn't news of Greek withdrawal be welcomed with glee?

 

[Gigaz]

‘Brussels is the very heart of Europe,’ he said. ‘Which is to say, it is properly part of France.’

I think that was the funniest sentence of the article.

 

[W|M]

‘Brussels is the very heart of Europe,’ he said. ‘Which is to say, it is properly part of Poland.’

ftfy.

 

[7ronin]

Does the Daily Mail frequently carry way out science fiction stories? I can't see any of this happening. It might make an interesting Civ scenario though.