Strategos, it is an honor. Very well, if you will have me speak plainly. You have heard my reputation as a talker. A witness, of sorts. I write down the names of all the men I know who die. Yes, I can write as well, many talented I am. So, strategos, you want me to tell you about war. I know not why, you have seen enough battles. But I obey.
It is brutal.
It's hard for men to understand, until they see it. This is not the quaint contest of the gymnasion. There are no wars in the empyrean, they say. So war is a brutal thing of our own invention. The struggle of the beast. The locked tusks. We add our own cruel twist on it, in the mass of numbers, the hunter's cool dispassion as he nocks an arrow, lets it fly across the intermittent air to lodge in the body of an enemy. Though, perhaps that is the nature of war, dispassion. For us, it is a business, a gamble, like everything else. For soldiers, it is a job. An easy job. March here, march there, salute, take orders, disobey orders, fight when you absolutely must. It is a cold, grim, occupation.
Now, let me explain rage. For we know the warrior's rage all too well. The fury of Herakles, the grief-tinged horror of Achilles upon seeing the body of Patroklos. War itself, is natural. It is a settling of accounts between states who, like punch drunk brawlers, have decided to abandon discussion in favor of violence. We soldiers are the fists. The fists don't have feelings, they simply do what the mind tells them. It is the kings, the oligarchs, the leaders who feel such impassioned rage for a cause for which they will never have to fight. Like the tyranny of the body over the mind, so too the tyranny of a nation's leaders over its soldiers.
But war is slightly different. These fists, swung against each other with no personal grievance, have feelings of their own. They have families, or hope to have them. This man, this Chaonian levyman, who is coming at me with a spear, he has a family. What right do I have to take away his lands, to make myself his king, to impregnate his daughter and take his silver ornaments passed down since the time of Sophophoros? I have no such right. But neither does he have a right to stick his spear through my midriff, to let my haima leech out into the ground. We stand, rooted, with no choice, the other an irreplaceable monster, each one incomprehensible in his desires. He has no right to kill me! So I kill him.
All the ugly excesses are shown in war. Have you ever seen a battlefield the day after? I have. Half in desire to find the corpses of my comrades, or my half-brother's cousin, or whoever, and half in hope that one of the fallen has a pair of boots better than my own. Good boots are hard to find. But, strewn across the plain, is a mess of sodden pennants, broken spears, dead horses, twisted breastplates and helmets, and men. Or, what were once men. The old pagan tales once said that the shades of Hades were twisted, according to the manner in which they had died in life. It warms my heart to know that the souls of these poor dead wretches are pulled back into chaos and made anew by Hagia Sophia, for such a fate, having half your skull cloven off for eternity, is too terrible to contemplate.
War is not glorious. It is never glorious. The wretched truth is that, in time, your skill becomes satisfying. Your ability to survive, to see the wide stroke of the swing, to parry, to stab, to kill. Just as, perhaps, the butcher takes pleasure in the quality of his cutting. Any good butcher wishes his animals to die quickly, lest their fear taint the quality of the meat. So too with a good soldier. I do not want my enemy to be a cripple, living out the rest of his life in misery. I want to end his life, with as little pain as possible, lest he curse my stroke for the rest of his life, and bring me some other misfortune.
Winching the crossbow, seeing a kataphractos in all his plumed glory crest the hill, aiming just so, letting fly, seeing the arc of the bolt, and then the man falls from his horse, and your side lets out a shout. And ten years of training and experience falls to the ground, dead. But ah, the shout. It may not be glorious, but the rush of pleasure from that shout of victory becomes satisfying, in time. To make yourself the master, do we not all seek that in some way? We seek mastery. In the jeweler's craft he becomes the master of intricate metal and gears. The Archimedian seeks to become master of numbers and pure forms. So too a soldier. Fight, win, advance, become a general, survey with a grim gaze your ranks, and know their obedience rests upon your absolute mastery of command.
You can, if you will, connect your soldiering position to great values and lofty ideals. In the end, however, we fight for simple ideals. We bring havoc to another man's lands to protect our own. Or, at least, to protect the land that we might have. There is an implicit promise behind the work of a soldier. Do your job well, fight with skill, and be lucky, and you can go from nothing to something. The chance to father children, who will grow up in prosperity, and look at you with love, rather than hate in their eyes. That is the ultimate dream, some verdant future.
It is mostly a lie, of course. But, without some nascent dream, of some heretofore-unreal wife and children, some plot of land, and servants and food and drink and rest, without those promises safely lodged in the back of the soldier's mind, he will not fight for you.
Duty, and the steel in the eyes of a decent commander, will take your soldier to the battlefield. A reason to survive the battle will bring your soldier beyond it.
Remember that, strategos.