Dating Advice (from Random Rants 93)

[H4run]

Well, I want to know how to become her boyfriend, but I don't want to fudge it up.

You should also consider not to fudge her up as well. If you can snap her through manipulation tactics and make her do things that she actually abhors like following her whims during her weakest moment and make her do things that she is against morally like betraying her bf, this would damage her psychologically and change her for good, is your accomplishment worth it if that is the price? and will you ever trust her after her betrayal? will she ever trust and love herself after what she did?

I got a scenario that runs exactly like that, and it's gone dirty to all parties, basically, my nephew screwing up with a nice girl that had a bf, my nephew is really experienced and slick, I warned both of them, but he's just don't care about others and doing his craft really well, but that messed her up really badly, and you don't want that to happened if you love her, or if there's any emphaty left within you as a human being right? because my nephew grow up in an abusive house that made him manipulative and becomes who he is.

Just taking it easy. control yourself, and take it slowly, no rush, you don't want to be too eager and like Narz said you don't want to be taken for granted which made winning you mean nothing. If you are serious with her, you should consider also how the process will not harm her well-being and psychology, make and realize that this is not all about you, if you can't consider other actors at least consider her and her bf as well, you might not like him now but he can be you one day and there might be another man want to screw her up in front of you, and again you don't want that, don't you?.

In the meantime while she's in a relationship, as you are still young as well, open yourself for other opportunities as well, she's not going anywhere she got her bf and you can have one also, and you can maintain your relationship with her and play a long run game and wait and see in the future, perhaps you'll change your mind, perhaps you will be glad the relationship never happened, or perhaps it will happen but at the right sweetest moment. However you don't want to sabotage her relationship from within, that's really low.

 

[bernie14]

Not cool bro, I tell you why. How about I fancy your girl, then I wait patiently till your relationship got shaky then sweep your leg right there and pull your gf hand in front of you, would you like that? That can leave a mark on people, don't do things that you don't want others to do to you, observe the code and show some class.

If you cross that line that attitude will carry on to your adulthood and it becomes who you are, and you may get away with it but two things stand: 1. It makes you a piece of crap. And you don't want that. 2. One day you can mess with the wrong people, that won't let you get away with it and perhaps overcompensate with his retaliation, I've seen that.

Just play your cards and follow the game rules, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, love is a tough game that's worth playing.

You should also consider not to fudge her up as well. If you can snap her through manipulation tactics and make her do things that she actually abhors like following her whims during her weakest moment and make her do things that she is against morally like betraying her bf, this would damage her psychologically and change her for good, is your accomplishment worth it if that is the price? and will you ever trust her after her betrayal? will she ever trust and love herself after what she did?

I got a scenario that runs exactly like that, and it's gone dirty to all parties, basically, my nephew screwing up with a nice girl that had a bf, my nephew is really experienced and slick, I warned both of them, but he's just don't care about others and doing his craft really well, but that messed her up really badly, and you don't want that to happened if you love her, or if there's any emphaty left within you as a human being right? because my nephew grow up in an abusive house that made him manipulative and becomes who he is.

Just taking it easy. control yourself, and take it slowly, no rush, you don't want to be too eager and like Narz said you don't want to be taken for granted which made winning you mean nothing. If you are serious with her, you should consider also how the process will not harm her well-being and psychology, make and realize that this is not all about you, if you can't consider other actors at least consider her and her bf as well, you might not like him now but he can be you one day and there might be another man want to screw her up in front of you, and again you don't want that, don't you?.

In the meantime while she's in a relationship, as you are still young as well, open yourself for other opportunities as well, she's not going anywhere she got her bf and you can have one also, and you can maintain your relationship with her and play a long run game and wait and see in the future, perhaps you'll change your mind, perhaps you will be glad the relationship never happened, or perhaps it will happen but at the right sweetest moment. However you don't want to sabotage her relationship from within, that's really low.

Yikes! A lot of assumptions being made there when interpreting "this could be my chance". I mean yeah, if @Caesar of Bread is a budding little sociopath, he will "sweep the leg" but if he is, he won't give a hoot (boomer term?) about your advise. I would rather think that his intention related to "this could be my chance" would be to show why he would genuinely be better bf material, thus his seeking advise.

 

[H4run]

Yikes! A lot of assumptions being made there when interpreting "this could be my chance". I mean yeah, if @Caesar of Bread is a budding little sociopath, he will "sweep the leg" but if he is, he won't give a hoot (boomer term?) about your advise. I would rather think that his intention related to "this could be my chance" would be to show why he would genuinely be better bf material, thus his seeking advise.

Well, the fact that he asked for advice in the forum shows that he did give a damn, the fact is clear the girl got a bf and now their relationship is shaky and he wants to take advantage of this situation, well in my book that's a low belt. I don't know what am I assuming here, perhaps I read this text from another dimension, but how I read it the girl already got a bf, that's the first fact, the second fact is they are not on good terms, and our friend here wants to sneak in and take advantage of that, lol, if that's alright in your book then tell it to him, perhaps we just got a different world view right? but I stand my ground that it's never alright for me, and nope I'm not assuming, just because you disagree with me you can't shake off the perspective by calling it an assumption or reading into it too much, no no I understand and know what I read, instead you may say, "in my view, it's free trade, sure she got a bf and they are in a shaky relationship if he wants to swoop in and show her that he is a better competitor, then go ahead nothing wrong with that! the strong one survives man and they are just bf and gf nothing serious".

 

[bernie14]

Well, the fact that he asked for advice in the forum shows that he did give a damn, the fact is clear the girl got a bf and now their relationship is shaky and he wants to take advantage of this situation, well in my book that's a low belt. I don't know what am I assuming here, perhaps I read this text from another dimension, but how I read it the girl already got a bf, that's the first fact, the second fact is they are not on good terms, and our friend here wants to sneak in and take advantage of that, lol, if that's alright in your book then tell it to him, perhaps we just got a different world view right? but I stand my ground that it's never alright for me, and nope I'm not assuming, just because you disagree with me you can't shake off the perspective by calling it an assumption or reading into it too much, no no I understand and know what I read, instead you may say, "in my view, it's free trade, sure she got a bf and they are in a shaky relationship if he wants to swoop in and show her that he is a better competitor, then go ahead nothing wrong with that! the strong one survives man and they are just bf and gf nothing serious".

You bet I'll give him that advice! "Why would i let track girl settle for shaky bf when she could have me" is an attitude coming from good self esteem, unless, as previously noted, he is already a little s***. Let track girl decide who would be a better bf. They are 13, he's not breaking up a marriage and he has no reason to feel guilty for considering himself a better fit in a relationship with track girl.

 

[Lexicus]

Well, I want to know how to become her boyfriend, but I don't want to fudge it up.

At the end of the day you need to find out what her needs are and try to meet them. You are not likely to get good advice, except of the most general/vague kind, from this forum.

 

[H4run]

You bet I'll give him that advice! "Why would i let track girl settle for shaky bf when she could have me" is an attitude coming from good self esteem, unless, as previously noted, he is already a little s***. Let track girl decide who would be a better bf. They are 13, he's not breaking up a marriage and he has no reason to feel guilty for considering himself a better fit in a relationship with track girl.

Well there you go, so none of us misreading anything here right? we are having a different perspectives on looking over this subject that's actually what happened here, but I would not advise that to him, here is the fact of life: you should respect others' bonds and boundaries need to understand that you can't just take whatever you want by whatever means even if you can. Leaving others gf alone is important, he's 13, and messing with the tracker girl would not make any child broken-home, true, however, that could get him into trouble where he is on the wrong, messing with the wrong boy gf might get him slapped to the face, while if he a grown-up adult and he messes around with a wrong guy woman that might harm him really bad.

Learning self-control is nice, and you don't want this tracker girl to succumb to him and make her feel as if she's a cheater. You may think I overthink this, but that's what I think necessary even for 13 years old to learn.

 

[Josu]

^^^I don't think there is any better advice than Ajidica's above ....that last bit being the hardest, but learn control while you are young, grasshoppa.

Also, make 'em laugh. Girls like a dude who can make them laugh.

I disagree with this last sentence.
In some cases it helps, in other same cases it does not.
I spent my whole adolescence and part of my adulthood being the guy who made girls laugh when they were sad, in one concrete case I was the guy to chat with when she wanted to have fun or have a deep conversations (literally said by her) and did not have too much success with girls.
What I mean is that some girls like dudes who can make them laugh, others don't, they just like the handsome guy or the clever one, or...

I think that there is not a cookbook for dating, however my advice is:
- Look for something you have in common
- Explore this way
- Golden rule: Always be as you are, unless you are a jerk, never ever pretend to be someone you are not.
- It is far better being dismissed than spending time years later thinking about would have happened if.

 

[H4run]

- It is far better being dismissed than spending time years later thinking about would have happened if.

I disagree with being funny is not a determining factor, but I agree with the quoted line above. Yes, I know it's your personal experience, but if you already make them laugh, talk about deep topics with them and all of that I don't understand how that can be trumped with someone who looks handsome or smarter, whom a good population of them may turn their advantages into disadvantages by being so full of themselves, so it's not really a determining factor as being a good and charming conversationist.

 

[bernie14]

....you can't just take whatever you want by whatever means even if you can.

Yeah, i don't think he is doing that but that is my assumption.

Yo, @Caesar of Bread, can you add some context relating to track girl's current relationship?

 

[Kyriakos]

To be 13 again ^^
Tbh, I am of the view that asking for dating advice for people of that age, in this forum (where the average age is 30 something), is not a good idea.

 

[Caesar of Bread]

can you add some context relating to track girl's current relationship?

Shaky. The bf does nothing to please the girl and is usually instead hanging out with his friends every weekend. The only time they went out together was to see the movie Smile.

Also today's update:
Through the luck of my gracious history teacher, I was in the same group as her for a project (about changes in American society during WWI)! I presented for our group.

 

[bernie14]

Shaky. The bf does nothing to please the girl and is usually instead hanging out with his friends every weekend. The only time they went out together was to see the movie Smile.

Also today's update:
Through the luck of my gracious history teacher, I was in the same group as her for a project (about changes in American society during WWI)! I presented for our group.

So, have you considered the consequences of your homewrecking ways? (please note this is an extremely hyperbolic personal take of other posters perspectives).

 

[Caesar of Bread]

So, have you considered the consequences of your homewrecking ways? (please note this is an extremely hyperbolic personal take of other posters perspectives).

I haven't started yet and I think the consequences may be either none or absolutely a lot. I'm thinking no consequences.

 

[bernie14]

That sounds like a mighty big "or"

 

[Plains-Cow]

Shaky. The bf does nothing to please the girl and is usually instead hanging out with his friends every weekend. The only time they went out together was to see the movie Smile.

Also today's update:
Through the luck of my gracious history teacher, I was in the same group as her for a project (about changes in American society during WWI)! I presented for our group.

What is the project going to be about? Lots of changes happened.

 

[Caesar of Bread]

What is the project going to be about? Lots of changes happened.

It was about how the First World War impacted African Americans, economy, women, civil liberaties, and socialism.

 

[Plains-Cow]

It was about how the First World War impacted African Americans, economy, women, civil liberaties, and socialism.

What are your thoughts about it?

 

[Caesar of Bread]

What are your thoughts about it?

Good:
Women's rights
Women in workforce
Harlem Renaissance - something that came as a byproduct of the Great Migration (fueled by socioeconomic and racial problems in the South as well as WWI)
Economic improvement

Bad:
Red Summer (race riots)
Red Scare (it is politically motivated)
Segregation of federal government
Kaiser Wilson in general
Civil liberties crushed
Income tax

 

[Gori the Grey]

What are her thoughts about it?

 

[Caesar of Bread]

What are her thoughts about it?

Probably the same, although she is not as political as I am (I am a socialist)