Do men/cats really want hugs?

[Manfred Belheim]

So a female friend of mine has just told me that a male friend of hers (not me obviously) asked her for a hug, and then proceeded to feel up her posterior. Needless to say he got told off and they are not currently speaking.

Anyway, my response was to say that men don't generally tend to go in for hugs, so be wary of such requests. She somehow took this as victim-blaming, but that's another discussion entirely...

But anyway, the nub of the matter comes down to the fact that for her hugging male friends is commonplace, whereas for me it's really not. It made me realise that there does seem to have been an increasing tendency for "the youngsters" to be all touchy/feely/huggy that I've sort of been aware of but never really thought about (I should say she's about ten years younger than me).

Have other people noticed this? Why has that happened? And do the younger males actually all really need hugs all that much, or are they just enjoying the social phenomenon because it allows them free access to girl-touching? Do they play up their sensitive side to exploit that? Or am I just a starchy old Victorian fuddy duddy?

 

[Synobun]

I speak for all men and I say we do want hugs.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

I speak for all men and I say we do want hugs.

Doesn't it depend on how you (general "you") were raised? My dad gave me hugs when I was a child, but after I became a teenager my grandmother told me that it was inappropriate to hug or kiss my dad. It wasn't until after she died that I told my dad, "It's okay to hug me if you want, or if I ask you for a hug." I desperately needed one after her death, and as much as I loved the cats, they weren't enough in that situation.

I have no doubt that men generally like a friendly hug now and then. Why do you think I asked Petek to install the and smileys?

 

[Synobun]

Oh, probably. Hugging is painful for me now so I don't do it anymore. But when I could, I enjoyed hugging my friends. My parents were very anti-touch so I didn't inherit that belief, thankfully.

In general though, if a man is doing something other than hugging when asking for it, then they aren't asking for a hug, and they'll simply find other opportunities to get the chance for inappropriate contact. But women do this too, and I don't really think it's fair to blanket-decree an entire gender because some people with the right arrangement of sex organs did something kinda dumb.

 

[CurtSibling]

Hugging is OK if it is real, and not the obnoxious "show hugging".

 

[yung.carl.jung]

I like brotherly hugs, I like loving hugs, I like comforting hugs, but I do not like casual hugs all that much. A long hug can feel very good, an overly long hug will make me claustrophobic. it all depends on the hug. the idea that men in general somehow abhor hugs is frankly speaking very odd, hugs are an almost universal gesture that exist throughout time, and men have always taken part.

 

[Hrothbern]

Hugs feel very natural to me.
I do it all the time.

Must add however that kissing colleagues, from countries where this was tradition, was now and then a bit of a leap

 

[Lexicus]

So a female friend of mine has just told me that a male friend of hers (not me obviously) asked her for a hug, and then proceeded to feel up her posterior. Needless to say he got told off and they are not currently speaking.

Interesting, I'm surprised you didn't say "well you could be lying, so I'm going to file that as unconfirmed speculation."

I like hugs. I don't get them much anymore.

 

[Manfred Belheim]

I like brotherly hugs, I like loving hugs, I like comforting hugs, but I do not like casual hugs all that much. A long hug can feel very good, an overly long hug will make me claustrophobic. it all depends on the hug. the idea that men in general somehow abhor hugs is frankly speaking very odd, hugs are an almost universal gesture that exist throughout time, and men have always taken part.

It's those casual hugs I'm talking about, not any hug ever. Upon greetings, or upon really mundane exchanges like:

"I'm feeling a bit tired this morning"
"D'awww"
*hugs*

That sort of thing. Not like... when someone's died.

 

[Manfred Belheim]

Interesting, I'm surprised you didn't say "well you could be lying, so I'm going to file that as unconfirmed speculation."

You're not really surprised though are you, you're just being a twonk.

 

[yung.carl.jung]

It's those casual hugs I'm talking about, not any hug ever. Upon greetings, or upon really mundane exchanges like:

"I'm feeling a bit tired this morning"
"D'awww"
*hugs*

That sort of thing. Not like... when someone's died.

I don't think enjoying casual hugs has anything to do with sex nor gender, I think it mostly comes down to personal needs: How close do I allow people to get, How much attention do I want or need to feel validated, How much physical contact do I need for my hormones to fire and so forth.

That being said I dislike casual hugs most of the time and feel like they restrict me in my freedom to do.. anything. Worst is when my girlfriend hugs me while I'm cooking. I know she just does it to piss me off, but it works every damn time..

 

[red_elk]

And do the younger males actually all really need hugs all that much, or are they just enjoying the social phenomenon because it allows them free access to girl-touching?

I'm occasionally hugged by girls and I like it.
Never thought whether I actually need hugs or just enjoying the social phenomenon... What's the difference, really?

 

[warpus]

Why does this have to be a "man" thing and not just a cultural thing? Because that's exactly what it is.

I was brought up with a culture where a lot of hugging happens, and where men kiss each other on the cheek. Women do the same thing.

It seems you are trying hard to create some sort of narrative by trying to make this about gender for some reason

 

[rah]

I'm with yung on this one. Most casual hugs are just annoying, but real ones serve an important purpose. The only thing worse than casual hugs are hypocritical hugs.

 

[Lexicus]

You're not really surprised though are you, you're just being a twonk.

No, I genuinely am sort of surprised. I can't believe that you would mentally categorize the guy who hugged your friend as a groper without due process. He is innocent until proven guilty after all, and courts use that system because it's the best one to use, or something.

I don't think enjoying casual hugs has anything to do with sex nor gender, I think it mostly comes down to personal needs: How close do I allow people to get, How much attention do I want or need to feel validated, How much physical contact do I need for my hormones to fire and so forth.

That being said I dislike casual hugs most of the time and feel like they restrict me in my freedom to do.. anything. Worst is when my girlfriend hugs me while I'm cooking. I know she just does it to piss me off, but it works every damn time..

I like casual hugs. Back in middle and high school my friend group would hug a lot for any reason or none. But that was a long time ago and now I'm pretty touch-starved a lot of the time.

 

[Manfred Belheim]

It seems you are trying hard to create some sort of narrative by trying to make this about gender for some reason

Well... even if I was doing that, I'd hardly say I was trying hard.

 

[Manfred Belheim]

No, I genuinely am sort of surprised. I can't believe that you would mentally categorize the guy who hugged your friend as a groper without due process. He is innocent until proven guilty after all, and courts use that system because it's the best one to use, or something.

No no, you're really not surprised. You're just being a twonk. Twonk on.

 

[Berzerker]

aw...group hug

 

[Manfred Belheim]

 

[Lexicus]

No no, you're really not surprised. You're just being a twonk. Twonk on.

Okay, you got me. Remember when you said all that stuff and I flat-out told you that I don't believe you operate that way normally? Well, now you've proved it.