Do men/cats really want hugs?

[Ryika]

I think she's definitely wrong to be confidently predicting that a relationship is likely to follow, rather than stating it as a distant possibility.

Yes but the very fact that that was the entirety of the response to the anecdote in and of itself implies that this is seen as a likelihood.

No, I don't think it's "likely" to happen. My "confidence", if there was any, was about the existence of the possibility of it happening, not at its likelihood.

And the reason it was my only response to the possibility is simply that everything else seemed self-evident - what's there to add? My original draft had more lines, but I felt like they didn't really state anything that wasn't already obvious, so I deleted them before posting.

you creep me the **** out sometimes especially that sweating smiley after the long explanation. something's going on here, I can feel it..

That smiley is there because I read the draft of my second post and then added that third line to the first paragraph before posting it. I assume that this line makes my position much more clear to the people who are known to have trouble differentiating between an explanation of something that is happening in reality, and an endorsement of the thing that is happening, and as such might have be the thing that would prevent the post from getting angry responses.

And I think it might have worked.

 

[Gori the Grey]

I see what you did there

You can't put bug and hug in the same thread and not get me thinking what one could do with that.

By the way, may I ask, did you see all of what I did there? Do you watch Penn and Teller's "Fool Us?" When they disclose that they know how the magician did the trick, they do so in terms that the magician will understand, without giving it away to the audience. Could you give me a little such indirect discussion so I know you saw the master stroke in my post?

 

[Lexicus]

I agree, those kind of "maneuvers" work on precisely the people who cannot see through them. which, in turn, means that pick up artists only really get to date complete oblivious women, which doesn't bother me much

Women who are 'oblivious' or just have low self-esteem don't deserve to be preyed on though

 

[yung.carl.jung]

Women who are 'oblivious' or just have low self-esteem don't deserve to be preyed on though

Obviously not, that would be victim blaming. And as has already been pointed out, these strategies may also work on women that know they are being manipulated, simply because it is hard to overcome one's own psychology.

What I was wanting to say was more along the lines of this: "God am I glad I don't have to compete with manipulative dickwads", because the women I date tend to spit in these guys faces.

Short related story time: I met my girlfriend on a friends birthday. We had an amazing time, I was blown away and head over heels in love. We decided that we'd be together that same night, and it has held for 4 years now.

After we parted ways for the first time, one of my best friends, who I was driving home with, told me: "NOW! Make sure you don't call her back, answer her texts, or she'll think you're needy!"

I told him he was an idiot and that those kind of games work with the kind of women he goes for, and that he should probably keep stuff like this to himself. After a few months in the relationship I told her, and laughed. Told me she had already dropped three men that tried to pull this on her, simply told them to **** off.

Moderator Action: Please don't try to avoid the auto-censor by placing obvious swearing in asterisks. --LM
Please read the forum rules: http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?t=422889

 

[Lexicus]

Obviously not, that would be victim blaming. And as has already been pointed out, these strategies may also work on women that know they are being manipulated, simply because it is hard to overcome one's own psychology.

I largely agree with your post.

I picked up and read Neil Strauss' The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of the Pick-Up Artists way back in the late-2000s, and found it to be highly interesting. Aside from the clearly predatory stuff some of the pick-up artist "thing" involves simple social skills. It was clear to me even that the various pick-up tricks only really work on women who are trouble anyway.

The most interesting thing about the book imo was that Strauss immersed himself totally in this culture (to the point that he was widely considered to be the greatest pick-up artist in community for a little while) but ultimately rejecting it - but he still said that participating in it enabled him to gain the social skills needed to build real relationships with women. Of course, that was a relatively unenlightened time of gender politics and clearly the pick-up artists are today largely regarded by mainstream society as totally misogynistic

There was another book I read much later, called Models: Attract Women Through Honesty that I also found pretty interesting, that starts off by saying the pick-up artist techniques are ultimately based on projecting a false image of yourself and getting women attracted to that image, rather than to you, which was basically the conclusion of Strauss' book as well.

I told him he was an idiot and that those kind of games work with the kind of women he goes for, and that he should probably keep stuff like this to himself. After a few months in the relationship I told her, and laughed. Told me she had already dropped three men that tried to pull this on her, simply told them to **** off.

I agree that playing games like this is silly but there is an underlying issue of emotional investment. I have been in a situation where being too available led me to be taken for granted and that is not fun at all. I think at least some of the time, behavior that people interpret as "playing games" is really a defense mechanism, a result of having been hurt in the past and not wanting to be hurt again.

 

[Kozmos]

Hugs? Only for best friends and people I haven't seen in a very long time. Alcohol is also usually involved. When women are too hug friendly I know they are just addicted to the chemicals it produces or are after something. I almost feel like it's their way of marking territory in a way, in social settings where there are lots of women involved.

 

[Synobun]

Hugs? Only for best friends and people I haven't seen in a very long time. Alcohol is also usually involved. When women are too hug friendly I know they are just addicted to the chemicals it produces or are after something. I almost feel like it's their way of marking territory in a way, in social settings where there are lots of women involved.

"Hugging makes you feel good because you're an addicted rube" is certainly an interesting viewpoint.

 

[Kozmos]

I certainly feel like men get the short end of that exchange, chemically speaking. We get our rocks off watching meaningless numbers increase.

 

[Hygro]

I have never appreciated hugs

for as long as I can remember.

they're "empty"

I don't think the problem is the hugs

 

[Live trash can]

I don't think the problem is the hugs

So tell me the point of a hug.

and try to not make me laugh!

 

[Hygro]

So tell me the point of a hug.

and try to not make me laugh!

If our social bonding behaviors were downriver of something with a "point" we would not exist.

 

[Live trash can]

Well, I try to infuse meaning in mostly everything I do.

And I am a bit sceptical about most cultural behavior.

 

[yung.carl.jung]

I largely agree with your post.

I picked up and read Neil Strauss' The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of the Pick-Up Artists way back in the late-2000s, and found it to be highly interesting. Aside from the clearly predatory stuff some of the pick-up artist "thing" involves simple social skills. It was clear to me even that the various pick-up tricks only really work on women who are trouble anyway.

The most interesting thing about the book imo was that Strauss immersed himself totally in this culture (to the point that he was widely considered to be the greatest pick-up artist in community for a little while) but ultimately rejecting it - but he still said that participating in it enabled him to gain the social skills needed to build real relationships with women. Of course, that was a relatively unenlightened time of gender politics and clearly the pick-up artists are today largely regarded by mainstream society as totally misogynistic

There was another book I read much later, called Models: Attract Women Through Honesty that I also found pretty interesting, that starts off by saying the pick-up artist techniques are ultimately based on projecting a false image of yourself and getting women attracted to that image, rather than to you, which was basically the conclusion of Strauss' book as well.

Yes, Strauss is certainly an interesting figure. There is a good interview where he talks about the lows of being a sex junkie, I highly recommend it. It was for The New Yorker or something. idk.

 

[Hrothbern]

A very offensive tactic; morally questionable, but no doubt he has managed to be stuck in her head, and once things have settled down, he might actually benefit from it. Don't be surprised if they marry in a year or so.

Catherine Deneuve will agree with you !

I think men when it comes to man-woman-hugs, men want to give hugs more than to receive hugs.

I understand that in general, between partners, men like hugs and cuddling more than women, especially at older age.

 

[Manfred Belheim]

I certainly feel like men get the short end of that exchange, chemically speaking. We get our rocks off watching meaningless numbers increase.

But numbers are always there for you and never say no.

I understand that in general, between partners, men like hugs and cuddling more than women, especially at older age.

Did you type that wrong, or is that what you actually meant to say?

 

[Hrothbern]

.
Did you type that wrong, or is that what you actually meant to say?

No typo
It struck me as odd at first.
That's why I remembered it.
male and female are really different animals !
I see if I can find something on it on internet

EDIT:
you get a lot of hits when you just search on internet with: "men like cuddling more as women"

like this one from the telegraph: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/lifestyle/8629374/Men-want-cuddles-but-women-prefer-sex-survey-finds.html

It would derail this thread to go into details and assumed reasons, but in short the kind of intimate relation, affection etc, does change with age and with duration of your intimate partnership

 

[red_elk]

I think men when it comes to man-woman-hugs, men want to give hugs more than to receive hugs.

I don't think so, receiving is as good as giving. The thing doesn't make much sense if it's not mutual, anyway.

 

[Manfred Belheim]

I don't think so, receiving is as good as giving. The thing doesn't make much sense if it's not mutual, anyway.

I took it to mean that men prefer to be the carer than to be the cared for. I'm not sure if that's what Valessa actually meant, but that's the only interpretation I could come to about what the difference between "giving" and "receiving" a hug is.

 

[Live trash can]

a hug - it's a bit weird, when you think about it. Isn't it?

Isn't it Vulcans that don't do hugging?

Better with some live examples you might say.

 

[Kozmos]

But numbers are always there for you and never say no.

They don't say no, but they do decrease at times :/