German for (civilized) dummies

[Grisu]

this is a complicated one - both are correct - and both mean slightly different things:

Ich spreche Englisch - I speak english (as in "I can speak the language called english")
Ich spreche englisch - I speak english (as in "I am right now using english words to speak with you").

so the second one is false...

but it comforts me to see that I'm not the only one battling with the mess that's Gross/Kleinschreibung

 

[Simple Simon]

for all the pronunciation issues may I recommend:

http://dict.leo.org/

most words there have a little icon next to them that plays a recording

 

[holy king]

wow, we needed 4 germans to sort the language thing out...

 

[Thorbal]

This opens up a whole new dimension of joke-telling.

"How many Germans does it take to find out how to write properly?" or something like that.

 

[Simple Simon]

"How many Germans does it take to find out how to write properly?"

Vee azk here tze kwestions!

 

[scherbchen]

pah! say what you will about German spelling but it sure as hell beats English spelling. with both hands behind its back, blindfolded, sleep-deprived, on acid and while wearing 8 inch heels. now, Spanish spelling will shake its head and quietly walk away while these two make fools of themselves, granted.

 

[Godwynn]

for all the pronunciation issues may I recommend:

http://dict.leo.org/

most words there have a little icon next to them that plays a recording

Thank you for the link.

 

[scherbchen]

No, it wasn't. I've been prepearing the course these weeks. Today we'll begin with lesson 2

such a liar! you lying.... liar!

PS: just joking here, I jest.
PPS: you lying.... erm... liar!

 

[BirraImperial]

I always have trouble with Declination, you know, der,die,das,den,dem,des, etc The rules seem confusing to me, I've never really been good with grammar anyway! not even Spanish!

 

[Dachs]

Thank you for the link.

This is also good, and tends to load faster than LEO does.

 

[Godwynn]

I always have trouble with Declination, you know, der,die,das,den,dem,des, etc The rules seem confusing to me, I've never really been good with grammar anyway! not even Spanish!

I thought declination was the endings for adjectives? Though, I am unsure.

We don't even know the names for the complex-i-ness of German!

 

[holy king]

declination means changing nouns to indicate cases. the articles and adjectives change with the nouns to further indicate cases.

must be tough if your mother tongue got rid of grammar to a point where cases dont really exist anymore...

 

[Simple Simon]

This is also good, and tends to load faster than LEO does.

ha! thanks for the link! The two together probably cover all I'll ever need

 

[_random_]

Did JFK really claim to be a donut?

 

[uppi]

Did JFK really claim to be a donut?

No.

The grammar was perfect for the thing he wanted to say, and no German would think of a donut in that context, without deliberately trying to misunderstand.

 

[scherbchen]

I always have trouble with Declination, you know, der,die,das,den,dem,des, etc The rules seem confusing to me, I've never really been good with grammar anyway! not even Spanish!

I believe your real problem does lie with the fact that cases (to a certain extent, I exagerate) and gender (this is true, however) in German have no rules, which I suppose is highly irritating to foreigners. it is about as random as English spelling and then a good deal more thrown in for good measure just to spite you. best rule of thumb for beginners? just ignore the cases and the genders, you will learn what goes with what as you practice and nobody will blame you for faults as hardly any foreigner who has lived here for an extensive period of time gets these right all of the time.

just to give an example of the randomness of gender at least, this is the "German" face:

nose, die Nase (fem sing)
mouth, der Mund (male sing)
eye (1), das Auge (neutr sing)
eye (2), die Augen (neutr plural, sounds like fem plur)
brow, die Augenbraue (fem sing)
forehead, die Stirn (fem sing)
cheek, die Wange (fem sing)
cheekbone, der Wangenknochen (male sing)

as far as cases go. as always, I like to quote Mark Twain who is a bit more eloquent than I am I have been told

Spoiler :

Surely there is not another language that is so slipshod and systemless, and so slippery and elusive to the grasp. One is washed about in it, hither and thither, in the most helpless way; and when at last he thinks he has captured a rule which offers firm ground to take a rest on amid the general rage and turmoil of the ten parts of speech, he turns over the page and reads, "Let the pupil make careful note of the following exceptions." He runs his eye down and finds that there are more exceptions to the rule than instances of it. So overboard he goes again, to hunt for another Ararat and find another quicksand. Such has been, and continues to be, my experience. Every time I think I have got one of these four confusing "cases" where I am master of it, a seemingly insignificant preposition intrudes itself into my sentence, clothed with an awful and unsuspected power, and crumbles the ground from under me. For instance, my book inquires after a certain bird -- (it is always inquiring after things which are of no sort of consequence to anybody): "Where is the bird?" Now the answer to this question -- according to the book -- is that the bird is waiting in the blacksmith shop on account of the rain. Of course no bird would do that, but then you must stick to the book. Very well, I begin to cipher out the German for that answer. I begin at the wrong end, necessarily, for that is the German idea. I say to myself, "Regen (rain) is masculine -- or maybe it is feminine -- or possibly neuter -- it is too much trouble to look now. Therefore, it is either der (the) Regen, or die (the) Regen, or das (the) Regen, according to which gender it may turn out to be when I look. In the interest of science, I will cipher it out on the hypothesis that it is masculine. Very well -- then the rain is der Regen, if it is simply in the quiescent state of being mentioned, without enlargement or discussion -- Nominative case; but if this rain is lying around, in a kind of a general way on the ground, it is then definitely located, it is doing something -- that is, resting (which is one of the German grammar's ideas of doing something), and this throws the rain into the Dative case, and makes it dem Regen. However, this rain is not resting, but is doing something actively, -- it is falling -- to interfere with the bird, likely -- and this indicates movement, which has the effect of sliding it into the Accusative case and changing dem Regen into den Regen." Having completed the grammatical horoscope of this matter, I answer up confidently and state in German that the bird is staying in the blacksmith shop "wegen (on account of) den Regen." Then the teacher lets me softly down with the remark that whenever the word "wegen" drops into a sentence, it always throws that subject into the Genitive case, regardless of consequences -- and that therefore this bird stayed in the blacksmith shop "wegen des Regens."

N. B. -- I was informed, later, by a higher authority, that there was an "exception" which permits one to say "wegen den Regen" in certain peculiar and complex circumstances, but that this exception is not extended to anything but rain.

addendum (no Mark Twain): many Germans will say, incorrectly, "wegen dem Regen"

 

[Godwynn]

I just got my first spam e-mail in German:

Hallo! Kennst Du schon das weltweit grösste Online Casino? Da bekommt man jetzt bei seiner erstmaligen Kauf von Jetons einen richtigfetten Bonus. Das darfst Du dir nicht entgehen lassen!

The best part about the spam e-mail is, I can understand most of it!

 

[scherbchen]

congratulations

and the mail proves my point. you can pretty much ignore the case system and yet be understood (beim erstmaligen Kauf instead of bei seiner erstmaligen Kauf, nobody would even say bei deinem erstmaligen Kauf (correct at least), not to mention the fact that you have to buy (kaufen) something (direct object required), usually. though there is the Einkauf (usually refers to what you buy at the grocery store) and the Aufkauf (taking over an enterprise or buying everything that is available of a commodity). meh, you stopped reading a couple of lines ago right about the time when I stopped making sense so....)

 

[Simple Simon]

No.

The grammar was perfect for the thing he wanted to say, and no German would think of a donut in that context, without deliberately trying to misunderstand.

Du bist kein Schwabe, oder? (you are not swabian, correct?)

 

[uppi]

Du bist kein Schwabe, oder? (you are not swabian, correct?)

No. But I lived in eastern Swabia and there the "Berliner"-donut was is called "Krapfen".

However I would refer to it as "Berliner" (well, when I'm talking to my family and not to other people here...). And still there would be no way I would think of the donut in that context.