Help for an atheist going to church

[Smellincoffee]

What is the "point" of that?

Do they get in a circle and chant "Dear Racially and Sexually Ambiguous Deity Who we Do Not Believe Exists, please bless this Organic Whole-Wheat Cruelty-Free Bread upon which we shall break our fast"?

In all seriousness, how is that a church? I think I completely missed the point of Unitarian theology or lack thereof.

UU fellowships are focused on helping people explore what spirituality means to them; taking inspiration from every human endeavor -- history, literature ("sacred" or otherwise), science, philosophy, and so on. It's church for people like humanists who still want the support of a community. I've never been to one, but I enjoy listening to UU lectures online and so on.

Neither of your comments is very helpful for the OPs situation. At all.

Having been more or less in his position in playing 'catch-up' to a spouse determined to find her way in her faith, I can appreciate his situation. Not saying what he will experience will be the same as I, but whatever help I can offer, I will.

Quite true, but when I see a roach, I stomp on a roach. Patriarchy needs stomping on. Quoting from hateful iron-age cultures isn't apt to help the OP, either. He doesn't appear to need help, judging from that post.

 

[shadowplay]

My parents were of different faiths and my father only ever went to church on Christmas. Eventually, he didn't even want to do that anymore.

I think you're doing the right thing. It will make your wife really happy, and you'll benefit from the experience yourself.

 

[kiwitt]

Patriarchy needs stomping on.

Not a problem in this church I am going to; the Vicar is a lady.

 

[El_Machinae]

Oh, yeah, the type of church can really affect how fun it is. If it's one of those 'sit for Bible readings and stand for a hymn' churches, it can be really boring.

The ones I'm used to have "sing for 40 min at the beginning and then listen to a sermon". Those can be enjoyable.

It'll be uncomfortable if you're used to calling out on BS, though. There might be a lot of things said that you'll be uncomfortable with, especially if they're saying it in front of the kids.

 

[RedRalph]

Do your wife and child go to church more often/regularly?

Wife only goes once in a blue moon at this stage. Still describes herself as Catholic, but like many Catholics here, is too disgusted to go with any regularity. Older son no longer believes at all so has opted out, and the youngest isn't allowed opt in to any religion until he's an adult. That was the price for me getting married in a church!

 

[Bill3000]

Just remember to tell your wife that she should have her hair covered at all times.

 

[useless]

The Bible and christianity is still pretty patriarchal.

 

[Tacitusitis]

About churches: generally, the music is infantile.

I have been to an Orthodox church, a Lutheran church, multiple Catholic churches, a synagogue, a 7th Day Adventist church, and a Methodist church, and attended services at each.

I found that they were all mostly alike. Terribad music, a patronizing sermon, bored stares and bad electronic/acoustic setups. And before a Mormon, Baptist or Pentecostal leaps into the fray and tells me "our churches are different" - I'm willing to try ya out, but I doubt it.


The one exception was the organist at one of the Catholic churches. If you have to be a Christian, be a Catholic and find a church with a good organist.

Also, maybe you could look into a local Humanist Chaplaincy? Yeah I know it sounds weird. They celebrate Xmas they just call it Human Light and celebrate humanities secular values or something. Also something to look into I guess.

That sounds sickening, like the Brights movement. just celebrate Xmas without actually believing in it. That's what most people do.

 

[AL_DA_GREAT]

Save yourself while you can. I have met several people who got dragged to church and ended up as religious wackjobs. Do you really want to spend hours every week being indoctrinated by masters of deception? These guys are masters at converting. Keep yourself faraway from that place, it is the only guarantee that you won't end up bowing to some god from the middle east.

 

[MobBoss]

I can't read misogynistic statements and not respond

Not the point. The point is to offer helpful advice to the OP, not rant about the bible in general.

I'm all for someone supporting their partner while s/he tries to figure out their beliefs, but we might as well be honest about those beliefs

If being honest means one has to be needlessly disrespectful or blatently hateful, then I dont hold out much hope for the relationship. You just dont crap on something your wife may hold dear in the name of 'honesty'. Thats not how a marriage works.

Quite true, but when I see a roach, I stomp on a roach.

So, you would treat your wife desiring to go back to church as a roach and trample upon her belief?

Sad.

Patriarchy needs stomping on.

Not necessarily. I would say chauvanism (sp?) does, just as in turn feminism would in turn. But biblically, the male/female purposes ultimately compliment each other, not harm each other.

Quoting from hateful iron-age cultures isn't apt to help the OP, either. He doesn't appear to need help, judging from that post.

Telling his wife she is ascribing to a 'hateful iron age culture' isnt going to do much for their relationship. In fact, I would say thats a pretty quick path to being single.

 

[galdre]

Not the point. The point is to offer helpful advice to the OP, not rant about the bible in general.

I don't consider telling a man that it is his place to be the "spiritual head" as helpful - in fact, quite the opposite, I think that does an immense amount of harm to a relationship

If being honest means one has to be needlessly disrespectful or blatently hateful, then I dont hold out much hope for the relationship. You just dont crap on something your wife may hold dear in the name of 'honesty'. Thats not how a marriage works.

the idea that men should rule over women is disrespectful to just over half the population - your statement was needlessly disrespectful and blatantly hateful to all women.

 

[sophie]

lulz. I was baptized in a Unitarian Church. Neither of my parents are religious though, it was mostly just to get the more religious midwestern branch of our family "off of our backs" (they had been hounding my parents about getting me baptized for a good year or so), and they did it in a unitarian church as a sort of "take that!" to them, or at least from the way my mom tells it. It sounds very much like something my dad would do, actually.

Anyway, good on you kiwitt. The fact that you would not only respect your wife's differing religious opinions, but actually attend church with her in solidarity is very adorable. You must lover her very much. My dad wouldn't do that...

 

[MobBoss]

I don't consider telling a man that it is his place to be the "spiritual head" as helpful - in fact, quite the opposite, I think that does an immense amount of harm to a relationship

Except that happens to be a continuing premise in the bible and how it talks about a husband and wife relationship. Ergo, what you might think isnt going to help his situation, but talking about biblical ideals and his wife's possible future expectations just might.

the idea that men should rule over women is disrespectful

The fact that you describe it as 'rule' shows a decided lack of understanding on the issue biblically. Sorry, but thats simply not the case in a biblical husband/wife relationship. Ultimately you are speaking here out of ignorance and references to sterotypes....not from any actual biblical knowledge on the issue.

to just over half the population - your statement was needlessly disrespectful and blatantly hateful to all women.

Again, if you really think this then you are simply ignorant of what I am talking about as its nothing of the sort.

 

[ParadigmShifter]

He's been married for 20 years. I think he knows how to treat his wife.

 

[JollyRoger]

You don't need an ancient book or a ring to get a woman to graciously submit.

 

[MobBoss]

He's been married for 20 years. I think he knows how to treat his wife.

Well, at least he knew how to treat her before she really got interested in finding herself spiritually. Like I said, I think actually going with her to church is indeed very helpful and will go a long way to make peace. However, depending on how far she actually decides to go in her belief/faith, that whole 'I dont believe in God' thing can be a deal breaker....even after 20 years of marriage.

Point being...while your relationship with your spouse is indeed important...its still not as important as your relationship with God is. People who take their faith quite seriously live in their faith to that degree, and fwiw, I think thats biblical.

 

[ParadigmShifter]

I doubt it would be a deal breaker since it hadn't been brought up before.

There are many reasons why someone would want to start going to church.

 

[galdre]

The fact that you describe it as 'rule' shows a decided lack of understanding on the issue biblically. Sorry, but thats simply not the case in a biblical husband/wife relationship. Ultimately you are speaking here out of ignorance and references to sterotypes....not from any actual biblical knowledge on the issue.

well, here's a quote then

"Wives, be submissive to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands." - Ephesians 5:21-24

 

[kiwitt]

Anyway, good on you kiwitt. The fact that you would not only respect your wife's differing religious opinions, but actually attend church with her in solidarity is very adorable. You must love her very much. My dad wouldn't do that...

Like all marriages we have had our ups and downs ... but now as we enter retirement we have become even closer.

As an indication of how sweet my wife is; when I asked her to marry me she talked to me like her best friend "I don't know, I don't know ... what should I do ?". I replied "You know what I want you to say ... but it is your decision." We've been best friends every since.

He's been married for 20 years. I think he knows how to treat his wife.

Thanks for that. We are both very happy with each other and how we treat each other. I am proud of her and she is proud of me.

I met my wife in 1977 in high school (we separated briefly, while she left with her parents overseas and likewise myself) and have know her ever since and wrote the occasional letter, until we got back together again more formally in early 1987.

We now support each other in whatever the other wants to do.

 

[MobBoss]

I doubt it would be a deal breaker since it hadn't been brought up before.

I've seen it be a deal breaker for other couples over the years. People can often change over the course of a lifetime, and someone searching for a spiritual answer to their life in middle age isnt uncommon.

There are many reasons why someone would want to start going to church

Of course their are. Whats the most common reason? Do you know?