How much is enough when disciplining a child?

[slip79]

Hmm..... I was spanked as a kid. Never hard enough to bruise.
I think it can be a tool like anything else. But a tool that is used sparingly and lightly. And not used on older kids. Plus it has to be explained to them why what they did was wrong and that this is the consequence.
To be honest I think I would like to not use spanking with my kids, when or if I have any.

 

[Grisu]

If you bruise them you went too far. Spanking is a must, but you cant allow yourself to get carried away with it.

utter garbage, I was never spanked not even slightly, and I turned out just fine IMHO. Spanking is entirely unnecessary.

please not: refraining from spanking does not equal anti-authoritan education. I'm not a fan of that either, my parents always had the authority over me as a kid. But there are other ways to show your kid who's in charge and where the limits are than through violence. Violence isn't the solution, and I'd like parents to be an example of that for their kids

...and now I'm waiting for the compulsory: do you have children? no? then you can't possibly know what you're talking about...

 

[Zwelgje]

And this soldier is VERY insulted by your statement. Violence is a resort that I have never and will never use with my children. Unsurrendering terrorists yes...my children no.

I wasn't referring to all soldiers but to one specific soldier, sorry that I wasn't clear enough on that.

 

[Steph]

When my son doesn't behave properly, we put some of his playmobils "in jail" (at the top of a shelve he can't reach). After a day of nice behaviour, a playmobil is freed.
And as long as he has a playmobil in jail, he cannot get coins to put in his piglet.

We are not into real spanking, but my son or daughter can have a slap on the hand or the butt if they are caught the hand in the bag (not enough to hurt, it's more the fact to get it that the pain).

We also relied to limited pain in specific occasion when they were young, but more to explain (example: if my daughter bite her brother, we could bite her gently to show that it hurts and she should not do it anymore)

 

[Che Guava]

Such a difficult subject...I think that corporal punishment can be given if done with love, and more importantly self-control, so that it is a fair punishment for the child, and not an outlet for the parent's anger. Personally, I will never touch my kids because I can get very angry when provoked, and once you cross a line, you can never really go back....

I once broke up with a girl because I found out that she was hit (I'm sorry, I should say beaten) by her father when she was growing up, and had decided before she met me that she was going to raise her kids the same way because it worked for her. When she told me about that, I think I had about the longest and most akward pause in a conversation yet....

 

[Chukchi Husky]

I don't think I was punished enough.

 

[joycem10]

I love hearing the opinion of teenagers without children on the proper manner in which to raise children. Very informative, now I know what kinda crap I'm going to have to listen to in 10-12 years.

I have a three year old. Hes been spanked a couple of times. The only reason hes been spanked are for hitting or biting his mother. His usual punishment is being sent to bed, taking away toys or no "treats", treats being whatever he wants at the time.

I look forward to seeing the spoiled monsters that are spawned by those who refuse to punish and attempt to reason with a child between the ages of 2-4. Practice moral relativism with a toddler at your own risk.

 

[Paalikles]

My fiancee is quite keen on having a baby or two, so I have begun to think abit about this.

Spanking is a nono IMO
Grounding sounds like a reasonable reaction
Also taking away some toy/item is logical - corresponds with creating incentives/disincentives
I am also considering stuff that involves allowance, and removal of that if my future children misbehaves (assuming that I will have children sometime)

Punishment may work, but I am totally against any use of violence.

 

[Grisu]

I look forward to seeing the spoiled monsters that are spawned by those who refuse to punish and attempt to reason with a child between the ages of 2-4. Practice moral relativism with a toddler at your own risk.

yeah, right, because only violence works with those little buggers, eh?

if you can't see that there are other ways to punish/show that something's wrong than through violence, then I'm really sorry for you.

Oh, and btw, I'm not a teenager myself.

 

[MobBoss]

The fact that you need to use violence to gain the respect of your children does show you are inept.

I will judge the quality of my parenting i.e. the results -my kids, against anyone elses any day of the week. I can see the results each and every day - you dont even have kids. I think that fact speaks volumes.

Violence is the crudest means of control. The fact that you used it shows you are not master of the subtler levels.

Kids dont need subtley, in fact if a parent tries to be subtle with a kid, it is just more likely to confuse the kid. Kids need instruction along with good, open communication. They need to know exactly why they are being punished. Being subtle is only going to teach your kids to be sneaky.

No kid "needs" to get hit for not conforming to your standard of behavior.

Sorry, but you are incorrect. As I have said before, kids respond to different types of motivation differently. I say this having been a parent for 18 years. I know what works and does not work - its called experience.

That's a distirbing statement. Especially that you laugh about it.

Not at all. You seemed to allege that a parent that resorts to spanking has somehow put the kid in charge. Thats total garbage and my quote was meant to illustrate the reality of the situation. When a kid gets spanked they know exactly that what they did will result in an immediate reaction that is unpleasant in nature. Nothing wrong with that.

 

[Paalikles]

MobBoss, you continue to impress me by your level of self contradiction.

Kids dont need subtley, in fact if a parent tries to be subtle with a kid, it is just more likely to confuse the kid. Kids need instruction along with good, open communication. They need to know exactly why they are being punished. Being subtle is only going to teach your kids to be sneaky.

To argue for using violence AND writing the part I quoted (and bolded) in the same argument (for using violence).

Wow. I did not know such people existed

 

[MobBoss]

MobBoss, you continue to impress me by your level of self contradiction.
To argue for using violence AND writing the part I quoted (and bolded) in the same argument (for using violence).

Wow. I did not know such people existed

Shows your ignorance of the topic. If you dont sit and explain to your child exactly why they are getting a spanking, of course there could be confusion or resentment by your child. They have to be told exactly why they are getting a spanking, if you dont do that your right, you are just commiting violence.

I have never, ever, EVER, enjoyed spanking my kids. But I viewed it as something I needed to do, IF I wanted to raise good kids. And compared to their peers, my kids are the most well behaved kids anyone has ever seen.

You have quite a lot to learn about parenting.

 

[Paalikles]

Great. First time I have been called ignorant.

I believe that communication alone removes the need for "brute force".

Therefore your logic fails - since you would (and probably do) hurt your children and then explain to them that you, as a father, is right to hurt them because they have misbehaved.

Explaining that your children has done something they should not do is a good thing in that it potentially increases awareness of your children.

Hurting them is never a good thing.

You sir, do not deserve the right to call me ignorant

 

[El_Machinae]

I believe that communication alone removes the need for "brute force".

That's why I reserve taps on the bum for before communication is really viable. It's useful for instant behaviour correction.

Though, growing up, we always had one 'wrongdoing' that would earn a spank - playing mum off of dad. If we did it, and got caught, it was a guaranteed spank. We never did it, so it fully worked as a deterrence.

I'm raising two children, and they're both almost teens now. And they're very good kids - in that they're empathic and loving.

 

[Till]

Maybe it is just me, but i don't see physical punishment as the "nuclear option".
To me, the real nuke was having to stew in my guilt and wait for forgiveness.

 

[joycem10]

yeah, right, because only violence works with those little buggers, eh?

if you can't see that there are other ways to punish/show that something's wrong than through violence, then I'm really sorry for you.

Oh, and btw, I'm not a teenager myself.

Wasnt referring to spanking or violence or you personally, merely to the lunatics earlier in the thread advocating no punishments whatsoever.

Obviously by my post I do see there are other ways to punish, I feel sorry for your inability to read.

 

[Grisu]

ok, I apologize, I must've missed your second paragraph

but I remain in my POV that I think spanking is a absolute no-no.

 

[MobBoss]

Great. First time I have been called ignorant.

Just so you know, I am not calling you stupid...I am simply saying you dont know all about parenting....not informed as it were.

I believe that communication alone removes the need for "brute force".

I humbly disagree that spanking equates to "brute force". What, you think I discipline my kids with a crowbar?

Therefore your logic fails - since you would (and probably do) hurt your children and then explain to them that you, as a father, is right to hurt them because they have misbehaved.

No, my logic is proven in the results of my parenting. And you have it backwards....I always explained it to them first, prior to spanking them. The entire event was controlled and done in a very clear and concise manner.

I think you have some kind of mental picture of someone swinging wildly with abandon and just wailing on their kids. That is not what I am talking about.

You sir, do not deserve the right to call me ignorant

Until you become a parent yourself, and experience that which I have, yes, I most certainly do. The term "ignorant" is not an insult, nor do I mean it as one. Its simply that you have no idea or experience at what I am trying to tell you.

 

[Moss]

This poll is flawed as it leaves no option for the possiblity that a non-physical punishment could be much, much worse than any physical punishment.

Punishment should fit the crime, and it's relative, but good parents tend to be consistent in their discipline, and fair...but to say what type of discipline is right or wrong is impossible because we all have different ideas.

 

[Grisu]

Just so you know, I am not calling you stupid...I am simply saying you dont know all about parenting....not informed as it were.

sure thing, but then nobody would have the right to discuss parenting, since nobody knows all about it....not even the allknowing MobBoss

No, my logic is proven in the results of my parenting.

that logic is completely false, since your kids certainly aren't a big enough control group. do you know how your kids would've turned out, had you not used spanking at all? You most certainly don't.

Until you become a parent yourself, and experience that which I have, yes, I most certainly do. The term "ignorant" is not an insult, nor do I mean it as one. Its simply that you have no idea or experience at what I am trying to tell you.

I'll reserve the right to come back to this issue, the next time you talk about something without having actually lived through that...homosexuality, maybe?