How to become a badass

[caketastydelish]

I'm composing a list of all the things that would make you a badass. The list is incomplete and I welcome your additions.

- Master all of Krav Maga
-become fluent in languages associated with being a badass. Italian, or languages useful to the military (Arabic, Farsi)
-Go the gym and get really buff
-Listen to hard rock bands (like Linkin Park and Nine Inch Nails)
-Become trained in using firearms and being a very precise shot
-Take a locksmith training course to know how to pick any lock.
-Master computer hacking
-Build a custom car which doesn't appear to be as fancy as a Mercedes Benz but is much more practical for badass purposes because it is completely bulletproof, can go from 0 to 100 very easily, with electric shock protection if anyone tries to mess with it, and deployable turrets
-Sleeping with hot women I guess is badass, but if you've come this far you've probably already got it.

 

[Ryika]

Is this guide designed for men only?

 

[caketastydelish]

You could replace 'hot women' with 'hot men'. Otherwise, it shouldn't matter.

 

[CivCube]

- Be able to lift 200+ lbs so you can lift grown adults out of burning wreckage.
- Get good at carpentry. That table you're eating steak on? You built that. With measurements you know how to use.
- Do any kind of household chore and repair work. Hey look, you can cook. Oh damn, now you're washing dishes like a pro before reshingling the roof.
- You're in the habit of getting stuff done. You get up in the morning, you just do it, and then you stay disciplined.
- You stick up for people who can't be as badass as you. You help get policies enacted that help everyone be a badass.
- You drive a Prius? Why? You're saving up for a Tesla.
- You volunteer all the damn time. People aren't getting stuff done, so you have to pitch in.
- You can deescalate an armed situation with words. Damn, son.
- You train both your sons and daughters to be as buff and badass as you. Hell, they can probably kick your ass because you taught them to.

 

[Timsup2nothin]

- Get good at carpentry. That table you're eating steak on? You built that. With measurements you know how to use.

- You drive a Prius? Why? You're saving up for a Tesla.

I drive a Dodge Dakota pickup because you can't build tables out of stuff you can carry in a Prius, or a Tesla for that matter.

 

[caketastydelish]

- Be able to lift 200+ lbs so you can lift grown adults out of burning wreckage.
- Get good at carpentry. That table you're eating steak on? You built that. With measurements you know how to use.
- Do any kind of household chore and repair work. Hey look, you can cook. Oh damn, now you're washing dishes like a pro before reshingling the roof.
- You're in the habit of getting stuff done. You get up in the morning, you just do it, and then you stay disciplined.
- You stick up for people who can't be as badass as you. You help get policies enacted that help everyone be a badass.
- You drive a Prius? Why? You're saving up for a Tesla.
- You volunteer all the damn time. People aren't getting stuff done, so you have to pitch in.
- You can deescalate an armed situation with words. Damn, son.
- You train both your sons and daughters to be as buff and badass as you. Hell, they can probably kick your ass because you taught them to.

These are the bare minimums for anyone over 18. It is implied that badasses already can do all of this stuff.

 

[CivCube]

Housework is swiftly becoming a lost art. One would be surprised.

I drive a Dodge Dakota pickup because you can't build tables out of stuff you can carry in a Prius, or a Tesla for that matter.

I can. My car has a lot of carrying space.

 

[Ryika]

You could replace 'hot women' with 'hot men'. Otherwise, it shouldn't matter.

If I'm bi, do I have to date hot members of both sexes, or can I choose one?

 

[Farm Boy]

One is not surprised. My grandmother could cook out of a wood burning stove things she grew out of a hand tended garden, while raising 5 children, and her food was amazing. I let rabbits eat half my peas. Inadequate.

 

[shadowplay]

Conquer Nunavut with some dudes you know online.

 

[Narz]

Be able to get people to do stuff for you. That's the definition of dominance. Ideally you don't even need to ask, they're begging to serve you. Everything beyond that is icing on the cake. You can be super rich, talented and skilled and still be an insecure dork.

 

[Tahuti]

Don't be an MRA.

 

[caketastydelish]

As stated earlier, "these are the bare minimums for anyone over 18"

Any sane adult isn't an MRA. That's not enough to truly be badass.

 

[metatron]

Any sane adult isn't an MRA. That's not enough to truly be badass.

Erm...we may have slightly different conceptions here of the overlap between "sane adult" and "badass".
And i'm reasonly sure the 27 yr old dudes* are on my team...

Eff Saturn.

*Yeah, the ladies too,
i'm sure you saw my point.

 

[Tahuti]

Addendums:
-Speak Russian
-Have a PCL-R score around 20 (too little is wimpy, too much is creepy)
-Speak with a low, slow and sharp voice

 

[Leoreth]

Listen to hard rock bands (like Linkin Park and Nine Inch Nails)

Keep the parody more subtle please.

 

[Manfred Belheim]

-Being in the habit of making a mental inventory of all objects in your vicinity and knowing exactly how you would use them to kill someone.

 

[Snerk]

-Become a master in horsemanship. Obviously.

 

[Gori the Grey]

Face tattoo.

 

[Terxpahseyton]

-Go the gym and get really buff
-

Do not care about your appearance, only wear what is at the top of the drawer, and spend all your free time drinking beer and fixing things. Oh wait this was being a bad ass not a man.
Got my masculinity stereo-types mixed up

Errm... rape and pillage, then?
I guess you will have to join ISIS.