Well, I don't know about that. I know the feeling of hopelessness and inadequacy and the impression that there is two rulesets for the world, one for me and one for everyone else, but obviously it came from very different reasons than yours. So I can share how I felt, but I can't share the root causes ^^
Again, I can only speak about how I see things from my point of view, but I'd say I definitely feel better when I know others are going through the same hardship than me (regardless of what are said hardship).
Not that I'm happy for people to endure harship, of course, but it makes these difficulties a lot more "normal", and as such not so unsurmountable. Suddendly it's not "me" the problem, it's a problem that plenty of people have, so okay, it's a regular problem and so it becomes a lot less intimidating.
Fair enough, Akka. I understand what you mean; finding out that others have gone through what you are going through makes you feel like less than an anomly. Unfortunately, I don't really share that same kind of need for solidarity? IDK, might just be my aspbergers here, but I don't really care about what is going on with random Bob or Alice; they dont really mean much to anything to me. I mean, I care a lot when my kwn friends get depressed, but that just makes me feel worse about myself (failed as a friend), not better.
Not trying to say that I am unempathitic by any means (I hate seeing others in pain and I try to help when I can), but blarg I think trying to explain why I feel this way is just putting a foot in my mouth.
Protip: "I dont know about that" is really poor phrasing. I initially took it as you trying to deny that I was going through dysphoria at all. Rest of your comment gave enough context to show that I was mistaken, but it put me on the defensive for a bIt.
Saying that you've been miserable your whole life and therefore you are probably going to be miserable forever isn't actually
valid reasoning. Almost everybody at your age is going to be dead wrong about how their life will go. There's no one formula for getting out from where you are, but people do it all the time.
Although I suppose it's possible that you're saying that your life is hopeless simply to validate your feelings of hopelessness, in which case I likely won't be able to convince you of anything. That's what we call a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I don't see this as an example of invalid reasoning. If you hate a movie 1/4th way in, and I mean absolutely loathe it, I don't find it unreasonable if the person just stopped watching the film right then and there and just do something else. If anything, I would consider the opposite an example of the sunk cost fallacy; if the film has demonstrated a consistient and universial lack of quality, there is no reason to press on except because you are already invested with the cost of the ticket and/or the thirty minutes you initially put in to see the first 1/4th.
Likewise, the idea that my life will suddenly pick up in quality after consistient demonstration that it won't seems like I am sticking with a grander sunk cost fallacy. Is it rational to endure more pain and misery to aimlessly hope that things get better, with no garuntee that it will and all evidence pointing to the contrary? Or is it better to just realized that life simply just isnt for me, and that I should "cash out" on my invested woes before they even get worse? Once I die, there will be no more pain, no more misery, no more dysphoria over gender, just endless nothing. Honestly, the latter sounds more rational to me.
Yet it is the crulest irony that the one thing humans are coded for, above all else, is survival. There is something preventing me from just accepting death, a primal instinct to live despite having given up on all hopes on life. And like everything else I have described, no matter how hard I try, I can not seem to rebel against that instinct. Every time I try, I get too afraid of failing, or just pause, and I just don't cross the line. And it just frusterates me further.
Perhaps that is the true self fufilling prophecy. Stuck in an endless loop, like an organic computer.
Is there some reason you can't spend your time around trans-friendly people? I would also go nuts if I had to live among people who didn't accept my core beliefs or identity. Even if you were a complete outcast from society, it's better to be ostracized together than ostracized alone.
I'm sorry if that comes off as patronizing to you. It probably is. I don't know of any more sensitive way to give advice.
I think you misunderstand the context of that rant. My circle of friends, both on and offline, are trans friendly, and I do love them dearly. But, they are just a small sample of society as a whole. In this specific example, that is the student body of my university. Since I am not God, or at least the Dean of Admissions, I don't get to choose who makes up the people I am forced to interact with as classmates or walking on campus. Which means, like it or not, if I want to be seen as female by society (I do), I have to put up with their expectations of what female is. Its not as simple as "I want to be a girl now, so everyone treat me as such". I still get as IDed as a man, called he, still have people disbelieve me that my name is Megan (now that I am using it full time on campus), etc. Without hormones, my body will simply always betray who I am i will always read "male", because I am six feet, no boobs, male tetitary sexual features, etc, etc, etc.
People are shallow. They only look skin deep. And I don't even nessecairly blame them; there are so few trans people in the world that it is safe to assume that everyone is cis until there is evidence otherwise. But I can't articulate how much it kills me inside regardless. People see me as male, and I will be male to them for the near future no matter how much I want to be seen otherwise.
