[So, I'm going to do a bit of a round-up of the questions from the last two pages, which, while they've been mostly answered, I don't think it wouldn't hurt to give another perspective of the issues! Also, for the record, when I say "trans", this usually includes NB people, as well. Also, any of the answers are, of course, a certain individual’s preference...]
Is the ultimate goal of transitioning to just assume the identity of the new sex? Or would you always want the trans part to be part of your story? Like if you're moving from male to female is it ideal to drop all male identity?
Obviously, as emzie mentioned, this question would have different answers from different trans people. But, I would say: no, not really! Notwithstanding the constructed nature of male/female sexes, as they're seen in society, I don't think that it's actually even possible for the majority of the trans people to assume an identity that is 1:1 with a cisgender person. This is for dual reasons: one, society is, for the time being, still seeing us as something different from cis people; secondly, materially, we're still living with the baggage that comes of the way we've been taught how to act. [Emzie touched wrt male privilege.] In a word, we are a separate thing from cis people [such as they exist in our current material reality, that is – nothing is permanent!]. It really isn’t a question of whether I want the “trans part” to be part of my life, because it objectively is, and it cannot really be erased. Furthermore, I don’t want to, either, because it’s a part of who I am, anyway, materially. It would be worthless to reject it.
What you’re touching on in your last question is “gender expression”. Once more, a personal issue, but I think that the majority of trans people probably wouldn’t reject what we call “male identity” (once more, as provisionally as that is defined – a lot of those things shouldn’t be gendered at all!) - such as, say, pants, video games, whatever. Of course, this goes to show how flimsy these things are, so…
Here's a question that I hope isn't too offensive:
A hypothetical person considers themselves exclusively gay or straight. If they remain in a relationship with their spouse/significant other after the spouse/SO transitions to the other gender, does that mean that they're now considered bisexual?
This is an individual question, but personally, I think that there can be often connections between people that can, transcend, if you will, sexuality. Therefore, I think it wouldn’t be too surprising if a monosexual person to stick with another person, despite supposedly not being attracted to them. There’s just no need to tick people into boxes, y’know?
I was thinking the other day, and I don't know the term for this (or if there even is one), about the practice of retroactively applying the "new" gender identity to biographical descriptions of a person's earlier lives. As in, for example, a transwoman who transitioned in her thirties, but before that lived as a boy and a man, at least as far as the outside world saw and interacted with him/her. Perhaps it was not even something that was clear in her own mind for much of that time. Yet if an article is written about them it will refer to her younger self, even as a child, as "her".
I can see why that's done, and I'm sure for some it is exactly the sort of affirmation they would want. But I can also well imagine other transpeople not having strong feelings either way, or even perhaps preferring the opposite as they recognise it is not what they were, or at least not the role they played in society, at the time. Yet it seems to be done by default just on the assumption that it is always the right way to talk about things.
Anyway, just wondered if there is any sort of debate on this and if indeed there are any who prefer it the opposite way.
What you’re touching on is the “essentialism” versus “constructivism” debate that I touched on in an earlier post. The question posed before any trans person is, “Have I always been trans, but I just didn’t know it? Or…?”. Is there a feminine/masculine/NB essence within us that is “sleeping”, so as to speak? Those who do what you described – talking about themselves as feminine, despite presenting and acting as male – can be described broadly as “essentialists”. I will admit, the example you posited, it might be useful to have it affirmed that they’re trans, otherwise, it can be easily taken out of context by transphobes.
However, as I asserted last time around,
If I must admit, I am firmly in the view of constructivism wrt gender. I don't think you can really be NB "from your birth", because there's just too much pressure, and you aren't given enough space to think about your gender. Until you hit early puberty, I don't think you can really...choose your gender...? Here's two very important caveats! This shouldn't imply that I don't support trans kids - I love them all, they're precious and they need to be protected. Secondly, what I'm really trying to say here is that there isn't some essence of NB-ness or femininity or masculinity or whatever. I think that the common egg narrative serves to assure trans people and their parents that they've always been like this, at the end of the day. But I'm not fully convinced of it.
Gender is something that each person, especially wrt expression, creates for their own self. However! This shouldn’t be interpreted as meaning, “anything goes!”, or moreso, that the creations we make are influenced by the material reality of patriarchy, capitalism, race, so forth – so they’re not unmoored from reality, of course.
I kind of figured it'd depend on the individual. I was thinking about a scenario where a trans woman and cis man were in a relationship. Maybe he's open-minded and just likes her for her but family and friends may be put off by the relationship. Would she be offended if he wanted her to just be a girl and keep it secret or would she be happy to completely assume the identity of a woman? It probably still really depends on the person I'm guessing.
I would have thought any male privilege dissipated once you started to transition, socially anyway. Transwomen seem to get treated worse than cis women. Do you just mean physical advantages?
Again: depends on the individual, but I would be offended if my SO decides to suppress what I see as an important part of my identity, just so that he could please his relatives/friends. It would put, in my opinion, doubt about how much he respects me, if he believes that is more important than me.
Male privilege does dissipate as time goes on, however, the issue is in unlearning a lot of behaviors that have been placed in your mind since birth. It is a long, and arduous process, yet another thing that cis women do not have to deal at all in their lives.
Is there a term like man/woman for a nonbinary adult?
Also, I feel like what is stereotypically masculine and feminine is largely influenced by culture. So how does a nonbinary person decide they're nonbinary and not just someone who likes some things that go against their birth gender's stereotypes?
I like the word “person”, and I’ve gone at length to try and use it in place of “male” or “female”, or otherwise gendered words.
That’s absolutely correct assertion, wrt the cultural origins of masculinity/femininity. Nonbinaryness, I think, comes with the rejection of your assigned gender, but also, the “opposite” gender...but, well, it’s also, rather contradictory, you know? For an example, as I’ve mentioned in my previous post, I do want to look feminine, wear feminine clothes, have tits, etc; but, I don’t want to be a woman, or, indeed, be perceived as one, which, however, doesn’t mean I want to be a man. But I also don’t really reject masculinity? Ultimately, NB people aren’t necessarily a third position, opposed to both femininity and masculinity; they embrace and reject it simultaneously. As a Marxist, I can somewhat glibly say that it is, ultimately, dialectical!
I've got a trans driver at work. He's transitioning from female to male. Recently he has become increasingly aggresive, especially when someone calls him by his previous (woman) name, even by accident. He's difficult to talk to and somewhat of a jerk to be honest. I don't know why , too much testosterone maybe ? How should I treat him ?
Simple: do not deadname him (I.e, call him by his former name), and correct people if they deadname him, even if it’s by accident. Transitioning is extremely stressful, and your body goes through a cocktail of hormones. Adjustment can be difficult even in the best of circumstances, and very few people get that. Combine that with the fact that he’s a driver, which isn’t exactly a stress-free profession, and you do not get a recipe for calm. My advice would be to support him to the best of your ability – defend him (verbally) from transphobic people, treat him with respect and do not belittle him about his gender and transition.
It'll be interested to see if hormonal transitioning has any effect on lifespan. Might help shed light on the reasons women live longer.
Cis women live longer. Transwomen, not so much, and we both know why – because society stigmatizes and ruins the lives of them, and often drives them to suicide...or, worse still, it can be direct murder. Often by the very same people who “actively seek to date gay or trans people”.
I've always wondered that about gender-nuetral bathrooms, the word unisex means the same thing.
Unisex can refer to merely the two sexes, therefore, in a certain way, exclusive. But I have no strong opinion, as I’ve already spoken about how I feel about the “bathrooms issue”.
Cosmetic changes should be more efficient, not less.
Unisex is great, concise, explains it's function cleanly. Gender neutral is an odd way to phrase things, makes it sound like the bathroom has no feelings one way or another about my gender.
No, why would they be more efficient? No amount of cosmetics will amount to an actually material change that would improve the lives of trans people, such as access to healthcare, housing, etc, just to mention a few.
Let’s break down “gender neutral”. It is not so much that the toilet feels neutral towards your gender (weird), but rather, the toilet is a gender-neutral space, therefore, anyone, of any gender, can use it. And, of course, gender and sex aren’t always the same thing, and I don’t really see what the big difference is.
Thank you for your attention. If you have further questions, I’ll reply...eventually.
