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[RD] I'm transitioning. If you've ever been confused about the T in LGBT, ask me anything

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by emzie, Mar 18, 2016.

  1. JohannaK

    JohannaK Heroically Clueless

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    SPACE! Maybe?
    But being trans has nothing to do with sexuality. Any straight man/lesbian could be a partner to a transwoman. Any straight woman/gay could be a partner to a transman.

    Many people are put off by it? Yeah, unfortunately. I believe people chasing trans people just because they are trans are called chasers, but they're not necessarily the primary partners to trans people. I honestly dont know, but I would be surprised.

    I dont know, maybe it's that I just don't go around actively seeking partners, much less a specific profile of partner, but seeking to know people, and whatever happens, happens.
     
  2. cardgame

    cardgame Obsessively Opposed to the Typical

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    Every trans person I have ever talked to in my entire life would not want someone who is "actively seeking a trans partner". They're called 'chasers' and are to be avoided, based on the idea that they are, obviously, only interested in one thing and it's not who you are as a human being.

    edit: remember, we're talking dating, not just...

    NB or 'enby' may be used, although it doesn't really specify anything about 'adult'.
     
  3. NinjaCow64

    NinjaCow64 Thought Bubble Thinker Supporter

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    Speaking as a cis bisexual I think that when it comes to sexuality I think that people should be allowed to identify with whatever they feel most comfortable with as long as they're not obviously taking the piss. Society/other people may perceive them in a certain way, but really it shouldn't be anyone's business except for the two people involved in the relationship.
     
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  4. AdamCrock

    AdamCrock Polish Pudding

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    I've got a trans driver at work. He's transitioning from female to male. Recently he has become increasingly aggresive, especially when someone calls him by his previous (woman) name, even by accident. He's difficult to talk to and somewhat of a jerk to be honest. I don't know why , too much testosterone maybe ? How should I treat him ?
     
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  5. JohannaK

    JohannaK Heroically Clueless

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    Not that I have experience with it, but several friends of mine have told me (again, this is anecdotal evidence, but it makes sense) that when transitioning, and with all the hormones throwing the body temporarily out of balance, trans people undergo a sort of second puberty.

    That said, I'm not too shocked he gets pissed off by deadnaming.
     
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  6. NovaKart

    NovaKart شێری گەورە

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    Are you all noticing many people using the term folx or womxn? I don’t really understand folx since it’s already a gender neutral word.

    Is there a trend to extend x in Latinx to other words in Spanish?
     
  7. Crezth

    Crezth 話說天下大勢分久必合合久必分

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    This is fake.
     
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  8. NovaKart

    NovaKart شێری گەورە

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    What is fake?
     
  9. cardgame

    cardgame Obsessively Opposed to the Typical

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    There is no movement or noticeable amount of people using any of those.
     
  10. NovaKart

    NovaKart شێری گەورە

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    Latinx is used A LOT now in mainstream media.

    I just did a search on twitter for folx and several posts just over the last 20 minutes. I don’t know how common this is outside of twitter.
     
  11. Narz

    Narz keeping it real

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    It'll be interested to see if hormonal transitioning has any effect on lifespan. Might help shed light on the reasons women live longer.

    I've always wondered that about gender-nuetral bathrooms, the word unisex means the same thing.
     
  12. gay_Aleks

    gay_Aleks communism will win.

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    Yes, but I don't think that it is actually related to the transgender community at large. It is, at the end of the day, a rather cosmetic change, don't you agree?
     
  13. NovaKart

    NovaKart شێری گەورە

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    Folx according to dictionary.com is meant to show gender neutrality and identity in the LGBT community but the way I’ve seen it used on twitter doesn’t necessarily indicate that.

    I’ve always assumed the origin of Latinx was similar but also its use doesn’t seem to generally indicate a reference to the transgender community.

    Still, there’s enough of a relationship here that it made me wonder about it in reference to the thread.
     
  14. Narz

    Narz keeping it real

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    Cosmetic changes should be more efficient, not less.

    Unisex is great, concise, explains it's function cleanly. Gender neutral is an odd way to phrase things, makes it sound like the bathroom has no feelings one way or another about my gender.
     
  15. NinjaCow64

    NinjaCow64 Thought Bubble Thinker Supporter

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    Folx does appear to have its origins in AAVE and mainly appears to be used by LGBT African-American people.
     
  16. Gorbles

    Gorbles Load Balanced

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    Equating sex and gender is problematic, which is likely why (though I am no authority here) gender-neutral is preferred.
     
  17. gay_Aleks

    gay_Aleks communism will win.

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    If I must be fair, the whole bathroom issue was generally hoisted upon us by the cis people - until they started talking about how trans people were going to abuse people in bathrooms, therefore, they need to be segregated, this wasn't really an issue. If you pass well enough, no one will care if you enter the women or men's bathroom, because who the hell wants to play toilet police? But then, the discourse shifted, and it suddenly turned out that, well, there's actually a lot of people who do want to do that, if there's a convincing enough lie. So, now we're somewhat forced to struggle alongside these lines, which is not exactly helped by the fact that a lot of cis people, even ostensible 'allies', decided to reduce the trans issues to that of bathrooms.
     
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  18. Narz

    Narz keeping it real

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    Uni-sex (all sexes) still covers the bases. "Everyone" could also work but it's more letters.
     
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  19. emzie

    emzie wicked witch of the North

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    Being sexually harassed was never normalized for me. A lot of women started getting such treatment from the age of 12, 11... or worse and it becomes something that's a routine, expected part of life. As an example, when a friend's teenage daughter was being harassed, people in positions of authority deflected to things like her wardrobe and drug use. As a guy, I don't think anyone ever dismissed me as callously as that. I didn't get catcalled until I was like 29. The first time I was sexually harassed by a superior (in this case, a doctor), I was 32. I was much better equipped to deal with harassment and it was much easier to see the harassment for what it was.

    brb posting selfie

    but uh, for real, I'm kinda jealous that men who put themselves out there risk being hurt emotionally; women risk violence.

    Thank you for being open to the possibility that hundreds of millions of women aren't making crap up.

    If my choice is just having a period or not having a period, I'd go without. If my choice is being able to carry a child vs not having a period, I'd take the periods.

    Grammar matters. For example, if you are telling a story about me that took place when I was 10 year-old named Matthew, it'd should be, "When Emily was 10, she..." because the person you're talking about is me, now, not the child I was. As a contrast, let's say my mom is telling a story from her past. We were members of an athletic club and you could not access the pool area without going through the locker rooms. My mom took my brother and I, we were like 6 and 8, and she had to take us through the women's locker room. If she was retelling this and she said, "... so I'm trying to escort two little boys past a bunch of women in various states of undress, trying to keep them from embarrassing me...." I would agree because she's the subject, so what the scene appeared to be is what's important to the story.

    All that said, most of the time, statements can easily be rephrased. For example: "At 10, Emily..." Even explicitly gendered aspects of life can often be sidestepped. If I had been a boy scout, instead of saying, "when I was in the girl scouts, I..." I could say, "when I was a scout...."
     
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  20. gay_Aleks

    gay_Aleks communism will win.

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    [So, I'm going to do a bit of a round-up of the questions from the last two pages, which, while they've been mostly answered, I don't think it wouldn't hurt to give another perspective of the issues! Also, for the record, when I say "trans", this usually includes NB people, as well. Also, any of the answers are, of course, a certain individual’s preference...]

    Obviously, as emzie mentioned, this question would have different answers from different trans people. But, I would say: no, not really! Notwithstanding the constructed nature of male/female sexes, as they're seen in society, I don't think that it's actually even possible for the majority of the trans people to assume an identity that is 1:1 with a cisgender person. This is for dual reasons: one, society is, for the time being, still seeing us as something different from cis people; secondly, materially, we're still living with the baggage that comes of the way we've been taught how to act. [Emzie touched wrt male privilege.] In a word, we are a separate thing from cis people [such as they exist in our current material reality, that is – nothing is permanent!]. It really isn’t a question of whether I want the “trans part” to be part of my life, because it objectively is, and it cannot really be erased. Furthermore, I don’t want to, either, because it’s a part of who I am, anyway, materially. It would be worthless to reject it.

    What you’re touching on in your last question is “gender expression”. Once more, a personal issue, but I think that the majority of trans people probably wouldn’t reject what we call “male identity” (once more, as provisionally as that is defined – a lot of those things shouldn’t be gendered at all!) - such as, say, pants, video games, whatever. Of course, this goes to show how flimsy these things are, so…

    This is an individual question, but personally, I think that there can be often connections between people that can, transcend, if you will, sexuality. Therefore, I think it wouldn’t be too surprising if a monosexual person to stick with another person, despite supposedly not being attracted to them. There’s just no need to tick people into boxes, y’know?

    What you’re touching on is the “essentialism” versus “constructivism” debate that I touched on in an earlier post. The question posed before any trans person is, “Have I always been trans, but I just didn’t know it? Or…?”. Is there a feminine/masculine/NB essence within us that is “sleeping”, so as to speak? Those who do what you described – talking about themselves as feminine, despite presenting and acting as male – can be described broadly as “essentialists”. I will admit, the example you posited, it might be useful to have it affirmed that they’re trans, otherwise, it can be easily taken out of context by transphobes.

    However, as I asserted last time around,

    Gender is something that each person, especially wrt expression, creates for their own self. However! This shouldn’t be interpreted as meaning, “anything goes!”, or moreso, that the creations we make are influenced by the material reality of patriarchy, capitalism, race, so forth – so they’re not unmoored from reality, of course.

    Again: depends on the individual, but I would be offended if my SO decides to suppress what I see as an important part of my identity, just so that he could please his relatives/friends. It would put, in my opinion, doubt about how much he respects me, if he believes that is more important than me.

    Male privilege does dissipate as time goes on, however, the issue is in unlearning a lot of behaviors that have been placed in your mind since birth. It is a long, and arduous process, yet another thing that cis women do not have to deal at all in their lives.

    I like the word “person”, and I’ve gone at length to try and use it in place of “male” or “female”, or otherwise gendered words.

    That’s absolutely correct assertion, wrt the cultural origins of masculinity/femininity. Nonbinaryness, I think, comes with the rejection of your assigned gender, but also, the “opposite” gender...but, well, it’s also, rather contradictory, you know? For an example, as I’ve mentioned in my previous post, I do want to look feminine, wear feminine clothes, have tits, etc; but, I don’t want to be a woman, or, indeed, be perceived as one, which, however, doesn’t mean I want to be a man. But I also don’t really reject masculinity? Ultimately, NB people aren’t necessarily a third position, opposed to both femininity and masculinity; they embrace and reject it simultaneously. As a Marxist, I can somewhat glibly say that it is, ultimately, dialectical!

    Simple: do not deadname him (I.e, call him by his former name), and correct people if they deadname him, even if it’s by accident. Transitioning is extremely stressful, and your body goes through a cocktail of hormones. Adjustment can be difficult even in the best of circumstances, and very few people get that. Combine that with the fact that he’s a driver, which isn’t exactly a stress-free profession, and you do not get a recipe for calm. My advice would be to support him to the best of your ability – defend him (verbally) from transphobic people, treat him with respect and do not belittle him about his gender and transition.

    Cis women live longer. Transwomen, not so much, and we both know why – because society stigmatizes and ruins the lives of them, and often drives them to suicide...or, worse still, it can be direct murder. Often by the very same people who “actively seek to date gay or trans people”.

    Unisex can refer to merely the two sexes, therefore, in a certain way, exclusive. But I have no strong opinion, as I’ve already spoken about how I feel about the “bathrooms issue”.

    No, why would they be more efficient? No amount of cosmetics will amount to an actually material change that would improve the lives of trans people, such as access to healthcare, housing, etc, just to mention a few.

    Let’s break down “gender neutral”. It is not so much that the toilet feels neutral towards your gender (weird), but rather, the toilet is a gender-neutral space, therefore, anyone, of any gender, can use it. And, of course, gender and sex aren’t always the same thing, and I don’t really see what the big difference is.


    Thank you for your attention. If you have further questions, I’ll reply...eventually.
     
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