We all have a gender and can imagine the situation when somebody refuses to consider us a real man/woman. I think one doesn't need to be transgender to understand person's feelings in such situation. If gender is important part of person's identity, it certainly can be offensive.
[RD] I'm transitioning. If you've ever been confused about the T in LGBT, ask me anything
- Thread starter emzie
- Start date
Manfred Belheim
Moaner Lisa
- Joined
- Sep 11, 2009
- Messages
- 8,652
Well "you suck" is quite clearly an expression of disapproval or dislike and has inherently negative overtones. "I don't see you as X" is not. I mean obviously all the resident SJWs are interpreting it as such, but that's just how they generally interpret most things so it's to be expected.
Hygro
soundcloud.com/hygro/
I read all of your long posts where you meticulously explained your acceptance, watched a bunch of folks disregard all of it, and then when push came to shove you accepted their fundamental criticism meaning I who read your posts (not skimmed) and summarized it was more wrong and they who typecasted you and argued from their typecasting were more right. Think about it.
Saying something someone finds offensive, right or wrong or irrelevant, and then saying "don't get mad it's just my opinion why should you care?" is true in that someone basically shouldn't, but it's also true that you shouldn't be offended if someone says "you suck", for the same reasons.
Manfred Belheim
Moaner Lisa
- Joined
- Sep 11, 2009
- Messages
- 8,652
I shall untick the boxes then.
Manfred Belheim
Moaner Lisa
- Joined
- Sep 11, 2009
- Messages
- 8,652
What am I supposed to be thinking about here? You're the one who's decided that they are more right and you are more wrong, but this doesn't mean you're right (or wrong (this is confusing)).
For the record, I haven't accepted the fundamental criticisms of most of the posts either. In fact I think several are blatantly misrepresentative. I think I accepted one statement as being essentially correct.
If someone starts a thread on a discussion forum entitled "Tell me honestly guys, do you think I suck?" then I would argue that they have a lot less grounds for getting offended by someone telling them they suck than they would if they're just drinking a coffee somewhere. Context matters. And again, it's not a fair comparison because "you suck" is a universally and inherently negative statement.
A more fair comparison would be someone saying "Anyone who thinks this must think I suck", someone replying with "Hey, I think that and I don't think you suck", and the response to that being "Yes you do, don't deny it, YOU suck".
I guess I may be the only one to defend Manfred here. One thing I disagree with in 21st century discourse is this idea nowadays that when we're talking about a particular group and issues they face the people from that group are considered automatically correct and people not from that group are wrong if it contradicts them.
Like if we're talking about something to do with race a black person is automatically right and the white person is wrong if he/she doesn't agree.
I think we should recognize that the black person has a perspective and experiences the white person doesn't but I don't think this means we should automatically say the white person can't have a contradictory opinion.
That leads to a rigid dogma and people not being allowed to question things and besides not every black person is going to agree on everything.
I don't mean for this to be just about race issues that's not what we're discussing here obviously but I'm using that as an example and it could apply to trans issues too.
And Manfred is just talking about how he feels on the issue, not how trans people should feel. And some trans people don't even feel entirely that they're totally the other gender but somewhere in between, I saw an article about this on slate and Kate Bornstein has talked about it. She said something like she sees a difference between straight and queer as it applies to gender and sexuality with straight being totally one way whether you're cis, trans, homo or hetero and queer as bisexual or between genders.
I used to be more passionate and angry about things but I'm usually more relaxed now. Like I'm gay and if someone told me,"You know I just think according to my religion homosexuality is wrong," I'd think ok that's your belief, different strokes right?
I'd rather people just be able to share their opinions unless someone is clearly trying to be offensive. I mean if someone had just come out of the blue and said that to me I'd think it was offensive but if I opened up the topic of discussion I'm inviting people to give their opinions which I may not agree with.
I also believe when it comes to the topic of gender there are certain ingrained reactions people have that can be hard to see past. The idea that gender doesn't always correspond to biological sex is new to most people.
Like if we're talking about something to do with race a black person is automatically right and the white person is wrong if he/she doesn't agree.
I think we should recognize that the black person has a perspective and experiences the white person doesn't but I don't think this means we should automatically say the white person can't have a contradictory opinion.
That leads to a rigid dogma and people not being allowed to question things and besides not every black person is going to agree on everything.
I don't mean for this to be just about race issues that's not what we're discussing here obviously but I'm using that as an example and it could apply to trans issues too.
And Manfred is just talking about how he feels on the issue, not how trans people should feel. And some trans people don't even feel entirely that they're totally the other gender but somewhere in between, I saw an article about this on slate and Kate Bornstein has talked about it. She said something like she sees a difference between straight and queer as it applies to gender and sexuality with straight being totally one way whether you're cis, trans, homo or hetero and queer as bisexual or between genders.
I used to be more passionate and angry about things but I'm usually more relaxed now. Like I'm gay and if someone told me,"You know I just think according to my religion homosexuality is wrong," I'd think ok that's your belief, different strokes right?
I'd rather people just be able to share their opinions unless someone is clearly trying to be offensive. I mean if someone had just come out of the blue and said that to me I'd think it was offensive but if I opened up the topic of discussion I'm inviting people to give their opinions which I may not agree with.
I also believe when it comes to the topic of gender there are certain ingrained reactions people have that can be hard to see past. The idea that gender doesn't always correspond to biological sex is new to most people.
Moderator Action: Reminder to all posters: this thread is here to ask questions to transgender people who wish to share their experiences. Arguments don't belong here. If you must argue about something that popped up in this thread, create your own thread and discuss it there.
Everyone should follow this guideline from the OP:
Everyone should follow this guideline from the OP:
Omega124
Challenging Fate
It really depends on the specific state. I did talk about this in my own state earlier in the thread.
Everything that's not comestic (the lady gave breast removal surgery as an example, but realized that wasn't applicable to me) is supposed to be covered under my insurance. That's largely HRT and SRS, which is covered under laws Governor Cuomo passed. However, they still do everything in their power to not cover my visits because money >_>
I have considered moving to Scotland. My boyfriend, who is Dutch, is going to university in Scotland due to the free tuition he gets there. We are considering the possibility of me following suit and using the advantage of actual single payer system to have a transition that is actually affordable by us.
Not Uncoincidently, my frustration with this system is why I'm a huge Bernie supporter and want universal health care as a right here.
useless
Social Justice Rogue
Hey Contre; what are the laws regarding the use of bathrooms for people who are transistioning and have transistioned in Canada? Sorry if this has already been adressed!
There's currently a campaign to stop transpeople using their respective bathrooms in NC, with the governer even going as far to create a disgusting, vicious anti-lgbt bill in response to a percieved threat that doesn't even exist:
There's currently a campaign to stop transpeople using their respective bathrooms in NC, with the governer even going as far to create a disgusting, vicious anti-lgbt bill in response to a percieved threat that doesn't even exist:
There aren't specialty shops where you are? I wear a 12, and usually avoid the issue by wearing loafers or fairly unisex lace-up shoes bought in the men's department for work. However, when we lived in eastern Kentucky (not very progressive, to put it mildly, quite rural, and filled with people rather shorter than average Americans), lots of people told my wife where we could find shoes in large sizes. "Go to this store in this town. (It's where the drag queens shop!) They have shoes that will fit." They carried up to size 15 in stock, in all kinds of styles. I'm not sure why everyone invariably told her that it was where the drag queens bought their shoes, unless they were trying to hint about our relationship, but it was definitely where tall women shopped. Nobody else carried anything bigger than a 10, and most places didn't carry 10s.
I haven't looked around St Louis, where we are now, personally, but a quick search shows several stores in the area that carry at least some women's shoes in sizes through 14 or 15.
dusters
Emperor
What do you think about breast size?
When I was going to my therapist, he thought it's something normal and default to get a breast augmentation surgery while transitioning (after 2 years of HRT or so though).
Personally I have had friends who have been complaining about their breasts being too large, I'm not sure if i will want that operation. (I don't think getting C+ just to better "fit in society" justifies the nuisance)
When I was going to my therapist, he thought it's something normal and default to get a breast augmentation surgery while transitioning (after 2 years of HRT or so though).
Personally I have had friends who have been complaining about their breasts being too large, I'm not sure if i will want that operation. (I don't think getting C+ just to better "fit in society" justifies the nuisance)
Omega124
Challenging Fate
Honestly I perfer not having big breasts. I mean, I do want breasts, don't get me wrong, but huge boobs that clearly don't fit the woman's size are actually kind of a turn off to me. I don't really have a specific size of breasts in mind, but I don't think I'll be planning on breast surgery one way or the other. I'm just going to see and be happy with what hormones give me.
My former tool of an MP (Rob Anders) sent around a flyer promoting something about bathrooms.
He made no real care to use "male"/"female" sensibly and never got back to my trolly questions I sent in response to his flyer.
Robert Can't
Éponine
We have lots of alternative toilets round here that are free for the use of anyone!
I like that the sign they use is a combination of the Male and female toilet signs so it just looks like the female one in a very strong wind.
I like that the sign they use is a combination of the Male and female toilet signs so it just looks like the female one in a very strong wind.
As best as I can remember, I was a totally normal, happy boy. Stuff didn't go wrong until puberty. I honestly do not know enough about gender dysphoria and children to give much of an opinion. I would rather leave that up to doctors, therapists, patients, and parents.
The oldest transwoman I know started transitioning in her 60s. My role model of sorts transitioned in her 50s.
Given the risks of hormones and the high doses that are prescribed at the start of a transition, I imagine older people have more risks involved.
The laws here are pretty damn good. Harassment and discrimination laws include gender identity / expression. That doesn't mean people won't discriminate, but if they do, there's a legal remedy.
Honestly, bathroom access isn't something I personally care much about. It doesn't really impact me? If it were up to me though, I think the whole concept of gendered bathrooms is kinda silly and unnecessary.
I said cute shoes. I can find shoes in my size in some shops. Unfortunately, they're either boring or gaudy shoes designed for drag queens and that is not a look I want to emulate.
I've not really thought about it. I haven't been on HRT long enough for augmentation, but more importantly, my chest hasn't been something that's bothered me. I might end up dissatisfied by when my body stops developing. I have no idea what the future brings!
Robert Can't
Éponine
Do you have any recommendations for any good retailers of shoes?
There seem to be so few that any success stories would be good.
Similar threads
