[RD] I'm transitioning. If you've ever been confused about the T in LGBT, ask me anything

[Mechanicalsalvation]

Isnt high time to expand/update the choices of gender description in our profiles here on CFC? I would still be just male thought unless I find there is an actual way to redefine that to something more specific (like alpha male or something).

 

[Omega124]

Isnt high time to expand/update the choices of gender description in our profiles here on CFC? I would still be just male thought unless I find there is an actual way to redefine that to something more specific (like alpha male or something).

Fun fact, I was the one who started the petition to get gender options in the first place

 

[cardgame]

What do you mean by expand the gender choices? Facebook-style with 100+ options or some such ludicrosity?

 

[Omega124]

What do you mean by expand the gender choices? Facebook-style with 100+ options or some such ludicrosity?

As a trans person, honestly I feel the 100+ options does more harm than good. It just makes us look like tumblrina special snowflakes to the rest of the population, which hurts our legitimacy to the outside world. I mean, look at all the memes that popped up that basicilly exist to mock trans people, like "is mayonnaise is a gender?" or the attack helicopter copypasta.

I understand gender is a spectrum but there gets a point in which you just need to stop and reassess if your super specific gender might be covered by a more general term.

 

[_random_]

So a trans woman messaged me on OKCupid recently, and I'm not interested in dating a trans woman, and I'm wondering if I should feel bad about feeling that way. So:

1) Should I, in fact, feel bad about feeling that way?
2) If so, how do I stop feeling that way?
3) If not, is it best to just do the fade away rather than straight up tell her that? How would you personally prefer someone who had that kind of prejudice respond to you if you expressed interest in them?

 

[Omega124]

So a trans woman messaged me on OKCupid recently, and I'm not interested in dating a trans woman, and I'm wondering if I should feel bad about feeling that way. So:

1) Should I, in fact, feel bad about feeling that way?
2) If so, how do I stop feeling that way?
3) If not, is it best to just do the fade away rather than straight up tell her that? How would you personally prefer someone who had that kind of prejudice respond to you if you expressed interest in them?

1. I'm disappointed, but at the end of the day I can't really make you love someone that you simply are unable to. I do think think you could stand to be less prejudiced, but again, relationships are a two way street and there has to be a connection from both ends.

2. I'd need to know the exact reason you're hung up on her.

3. I'd rather not know the reason is because I'm trans, even if it's obvious that it is. Like let her come out if this exchange with some dignity. A lot of people will likely be turning her down for this reason alone and you don't need to make her hate herself more than she likely already does.

 

[Commodore]

You know, I gave a trans woman a chance once and I ended up dating her for about 2 months. I can say I really didn't find it all that different from dating a biological woman.

That's just my two cents. Take from that what you will.

 

[Zelig]

So a trans woman messaged me on OKCupid recently, and I'm not interested in dating a trans woman, and I'm wondering if I should feel bad about feeling that way. So:

1) Should I, in fact, feel bad about feeling that way?
2) If so, how do I stop feeling that way?
3) If not, is it best to just do the fade away rather than straight up tell her that? How would you personally prefer someone who had that kind of prejudice respond to you if you expressed interest in them?

I think it's very difficult to have a logically consistent stance where you agree with every standard socially progressive position re: trans people with the exception that you wouldn't date one.

For "is it best to just do the fade away rather than straight up tell her that?" the answer is always "yes" if it's someone you haven't even been on a single date with.

 

[Mouthwash]

I think it's very difficult to have a logically consistent stance where you agree with every standard socially progressive position re: trans people with the exception that you wouldn't date one.

Why? I wouldn't date an Asian woman. That doesn't mean I think that they aren't human; I just don't find them attractive, personally.

(Also, this is the position of the right-wing nuthack crowd which believes that the goal of the LGBT movement is to make hetero-normativeness itself unacceptable.)

 

[Omega124]

Why? I wouldn't date an Asian woman. That doesn't mean I think that they aren't human; I just don't find them attractive, personally.

(Also, this is the position of the right-wing nuthack crowd which believes that the goal of the LGBT movement is to make hetero-normativeness itself unacceptable.)

I mean, like I said above, no one can force you into a relationship you don't want to be in, but that still doesn't change the fact that what you said is racist. Like, textbook definition racism.

Also, I have no idea what the hell you mean by the latter half.

 

[cardgame]

If refusing to date an ethnicity is racist, is a straight person refusing to date men/women sexist?

 

[Omega124]

If refusing to date an ethnicity is racist, is a straight person refusing to date men/women sexist?

That's a false equilivency and you know it.

 

[sophie]

That's a false equilivency and you know it.

Is it though? Is saying "I don't date [men, women, trans, etc]" any better than saying "I don't date Asians"?

 

[Mouthwash]

I mean, like I said above, no one can force you into a relationship you don't want to be in, but that still doesn't change the fact that what you said is racist. Like, textbook definition racism.

I don't find them SEXUALLY attractive. Some people may. It's a personal preference.

Also, I have no idea what the hell you mean by the latter half.

Sorry, I don't know how to say straight/cis in a single word.

Some of the crazies in the traditional movement (e.g. Alex Jones) think that LGBT is really about making heterosexuality socially unacceptable, or outlawing it entirely. This theory also applies to transgenderism- if you aren't willing to marry one, it makes you bigoted.

If refusing to date an ethnicity is racist, is a straight person refusing to date men/women sexist?

I wouldn't say I'm 'refusing' to date Asian women. I'd be willing if there was a really ideal one.

There's also the thing about wanting to date within my religion. I would certainly not be willing to marry a gentile, and any Jew 'Orthodox' or higher on the religious spectrum will agree. Is that also a form of racism?

 

[Omega124]

Is it though?

Yes. Yes it is. Next question.

I don't find them SEXUALLY attractive. Some people may. It's a personal preference.

And if you looked at the underlying, subconscious reasons why you are sexually averse to Asians, the awnser would be "racism". You may not realize it as a conscious person, and that's ok, but the underlying tones are there.

And that's not to say I'm some paragon of inclusion myself; I've realized I'm kind of racist myself in some of the interactions I've had with people. I try to counteract the subconscious racism I exhibit, but there's only so much I can realize, and thus how much I let go unfiltered.

Sorry, I don't know how to say straight/cis in a single word.

Some of the crazies in the traditional movement (e.g. Alex Jones) think that LGBT is really about making heterosexuality socially unacceptable, or outlawing it entirely. This theory also applies to transgenderism- if you aren't willing to marry one, it makes you bigoted.

I think you said it yourself there. Crazies. Not sure what I can add?

I wouldn't say I'm 'refusing' to date Asian women. I'd be willing if there was a really ideal one.

There's also the thing about wanting to date within my religion. I would certainly not be willing to marry a gentile, and any Jew 'Orthodox' or higher on the religious spectrum will agree. Is that also a form of racism?

Not only would I say it is, it's also a more conscious form of it as well.

 

[Evie]

If you recognize that there is a possibility you may be attracted to an asian woman someday, then you'd be better off phrasing it as "I have never been attracted to an asian woman" rather than "I don't find asian women attractive". One is a statement of fact about your personal life experience ; the other involve saying there is something inherently unattractive to you that all asians share.

 

[Mouthwash]

And if you looked at the underlying, subconscious reasons why you are sexually averse to Asians, the awnser would be "racism". You may not realize it as a conscious person, and that's ok, but the underlying tones are there.

Well this is progress from "textbook definition racism."

I think you said it yourself there. Crazies. Not sure what I can add?

My point was that what you said validates their belief.

Not only would I say it is, it's also a more conscious form of it as well.

How's that? Why shouldn't I want my partners to share my identity?

If you recognize that there is a possibility you may be attracted to an asian woman someday, then you'd be better off phrasing it as "I have never been attracted to an asian woman" rather than "I don't find asian women attractive". One is a statement of fact about your personal life experience ; the other involve saying there is something inherently unattractive to you that all asians share.

I've yet to meet them, and during the sexually mature years of my life I may have seen a hundred thousand Asian women. So I don't think it's overreaching to say there's a trend.

 

[sophie]

Yes. Yes it is. Next question.

Same question.

 

[_random_]

I think it's very difficult to have a logically consistent stance where you agree with every standard socially progressive position re: trans people with the exception that you wouldn't date one.

I think I agree. My reaction here probably necessitates some introspection on my part. I have next to no IRL experience with trans people and I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've ever been messaged first on a dating site, so I wasn't quite sure how to respond, especially since I'm generally bad at interacting with women. I do apologize for proclaiming my proclivities. You're all lovely people and worthy of love and what not.

 

[Omega124]

Well this is progress from "textbook definition racism."

Maybe a song from one of my favorite musicals might help illustrate my point

My point was that what you said validates their belief.

Except, no it doesn't?

Firstly, transgenderism has really nothing to do with homosexuality vs heterosexuality. As a trans woman, I'd ideally be treated just the same as a cisgender woman, ie, available for heterosexual men (my bf) or homosexual women to date.

Secondly, I was the one calling out cardgame for making a false equilivency? If anything, cardgame and Owen were the ones making the argument the people like Jones are against, not me.

How's that? Why shouldn't I want my partners to share my identity?

Oh, it's fine to only want to date people within your own identity if that's what you truely want, but that doesn't make it not racist. And since religion is an informed trait, rather than a trait that is more physically observable like race (although it is worth noting race is ultimately a social construct, in case people want to twist my words), you really have to make a more conscious decision to discriminate based on it.

Same Question

Low effort questions get low effort awnsers.