Is not wanting to date trans individuals transphobic?

[Ryika]

I hope we can all agree that not wanting to go to a date with a specific trans individual does not make you transphobic, however, the question becomes more interesting when you deal with people who say they will categorically not see trans individuals as possible dating partners, or that finding out that a partner is trans, even if they pass so well that they didn't notice until they were told, is a deal-breaker.

Some people argue that such a preference is inherently transphobic, and shows biases that the person holds against the trans community, after all, you could just date the individual and see if they are the a person that you get along with if you didn't think that there's something inherently "wrong", or undesirable, in being with a being trans individual. Some of them also go a bit further and say that a person who does not have an anti-trans bias - at least subconsciously - would not even consider the idea of wanting to remove trans individuals from their dating sphere.

Other people argue that sexual preferences, and knowing ones preferences, is not transphobic, after all, not wanting to date black-haired people for example does not mean you think less of them, or only wanting to date japanese people does not mean you think they're the Masterrace. These people often argue that there are still differences between a person who was born as the gender that they represent as, and a person who was not, and that not wanting to deal with the extra baggage is a personal choice that also does not tell us anything about their opinion about trans individuals as members of our society.

So now that I've probably utterly misrepresented and angered both sides... what's your take?

 

[Disgustipated]

No. Just as I see not wanting to date black women as not racist. I have my preferences. And especially in my case if I wanted a future child which would be impossible with a trans female. And also there are medical issues that come in to play (they have to take the proper hormones regularly and whatnot). And keep in mind the personality of a person who was one gender their entire life will be markedly different than the personality of a person who changed it later in life.

I've seen on some dating sites people who I think may be trans, but they don't state it on their profile. It kind of annoys me, but it's their right. I do appreciate the ones that do state it on their profile that they are trans.

 

[crabapple]

No. Just as not being interested in men, doesn't make you homophobic.

 

[cardgame]

It certainly could be, but it doesn't have to be. As disgustipated said, there are a lot of other factors, like taking biological children out of the picture.

 

[Timsup2nothin]

Depends on the reasoning. I think the vast majority of people, even the most 'casual' daters, are at least open to the idea of "finding the one." And for many people "finding the one" does involve some future prospect of children. That reasoning excludes trans people from the dating pool, but not specifically because they are trans. It also excludes me, come to that.

I suspect that the person saying "no dating trans" because they are transphobic would be easy to identify. They would most likely continue on to say "not friends either," "not comfortable with a coworker," etc.

 

[Manfred Belheim]

Some people argue that such a preference is inherently transphobic, and shows biases that the person holds against the trans community, after all, you could just date the individual and see if they are the a person that you get along with if you didn't think that there's something inherently "wrong", or undesirable, in being with a being trans individual. Some of them also go a bit further and say that a person who does not have an anti-trans bias - at least subconsciously - would not even consider the idea of wanting to remove trans individuals from their dating sphere.

Okay I've read that about 4 times now and I can't work out what you mean by that last sentence. You say that that is "going a bit further", but to me it just reads as a restatement of the same idea in the previous sentence.

 

[Narz]

No one should judge others for their sexual preferences.

 

[Ryika]

Okay I've read that about 4 times now and I can't work out what you mean by that last sentence. You say that that is "going a bit further", but to me it just reads as a restatement of the same idea in the previous sentence.

It's about considering the thought. Some people say that thinking about whether you are okay with dating trans individuals and coming to the conclusion that it's fine means you're not transphobic because you made the decision to include them, others (those who "go a bit further") will say that because you had to think about it, that's already evidence of anti-trans bias, or transphobia.

 

[civver_764]

I think I am "transphobic", because the idea of chopping your balls off sends shivers down my spine. I would not date a trans person. I definitely have an "anti-trans" bias, it's a horrible mental illness that I would wish on nobody.

 

[Timsup2nothin]

I think I am "transphobic", because the idea of chopping your balls off sends shivers down my spine. I would not date a trans person. I definitely have an "anti-trans" bias, it's a horrible mental illness that I would wish on nobody.

LOL...thanks for the diagnosis. Please share your credentials, doctor.

 

[Traitorfish]

No. Just as I see not wanting to date black women as not racist.

I mean, that is pretty racist, though.

Not wanting to date trans people is not transphobic because you don't get to pick what kind of junk you want to mush up against your own junk.

That's really not the same thing as not wanting to mush junk that's a different colour.

 

[Timsup2nothin]

I mean, that is pretty racist, though.

Not wanting to date trans people is not transphobic because you don't get to pick what kind of junk you want to mush up against your own junk.

That's really not the same thing as not wanting to mush junk that's a different colour.

I dunno. I've known guys who only dated blonds, guys who were too intimidated to date women taller than themselves, all sorts of strange self limitations. I think there is some sort of visual attraction preference that plays into this mushing junk business, for a lot of people, and that may not be racism.

The question is; if he found out that his light skinned date that met all his usual visual cues was actually of African American heritage how would he respond?

 

[Borachio]

I don't understand it. But then I probably don't understand what dating is all about.

It would seem, from what people are saying here, that individuals have their lists of likes and dislikes and select a possible future sexual partner using check-boxes, or some such.

It never worked for me like that.

I always just got chatting with anyone nearby. And if I got on with them, that was all well and good.

I never had a list of characteristics that I preferred. It just turned out that all the partners I had (and how many or few I won't mention, although perhaps significantly I do know the number) were heterosexual, female, and of my own ethnicity (as far as I know).


I remember, though, that I didn't get on terribly well with Catholics, for some reason.

Perhaps, however, after all, my check-boxes were subconscious ones.

Would I date a trans person now? No, because my dating days are spent.

Would I make friends with a trans person? For sure, if the circumstances arose.

And, I should add, I value friendship above everything else. I think.

I can't think of anything I value more highly, certainly. Unless it's a good night's sleep.

 

[Traitorfish]

I dunno. I've known guys who only dated blonds, guys who were too intimidated to date women taller than themselves, all sorts of strange self limitations. I think there is some sort of visual attraction preference that plays into this mushing junk business, for a lot of people, and that may not be racism.

That's true, there's a lot of weird mental chemistry behind attraction, which people can only be held so responsible for.

But if this chemistry translates into the rule "No blacks", and if the person is happy articulating it as such?

Ehhhhh.

 

[Timsup2nothin]

I don't understand it. But then I probably don't understand what dating is all about.

It would seem, from what people are saying here, that individuals have their lists of likes and dislikes and select a possible future sexual partner using check-boxes, or some such.

It never worked for me like that.

I always just got chatting with anyone nearby. And if I got on with them, that was all well and good.

I never had a list of characteristics that I preferred. It just turned out that all the partners I had (and how many or few I won't mention, although perhaps significantly I do know the number) were heterosexual, female, and of my own ethnicity (as far as I know).

We are becoming extinct. Modern dating seems to involve submitting a "profile," which is sort of like attaching a resume to a job application from what I can gather.

 

[civver_764]

Well traditional dating involved arranged marriages, so I mean...

 

[Timsup2nothin]

Well traditional dating involved arranged marriages, so I mean...

@Borachio and I come from the window in between ancient custom and the internet. Somewhat like him, I just chatted up anyone crossing my path who looked like the inside of her pants would be an interesting place to visit.

 

[Terxpahseyton]

I once knew a guy who told me that he found all black women unattractive. I could not believe it. But he insisted they were all unattractive to him, no matter whom I presented and as I pressed on, incredulous, he grew very annoyed. I don't get it to this day, but maybe this really just exists? I don't know. Still can not wrap my head around it.

 

[Timsup2nothin]

I once knew a guy who told me that he found all black women unattractive. I could not believe it. But he insisted they were all unattractive to him, no matter whom I presented and as I pressed on, incredulous, he grew very annoyed. I don't get it to this day, but maybe this really just exists? I don't know. Still can not wrap my head around it.

Hard for me to imagine, since I was a slut that would certainly go with any woman that was willing, but I've met guys who made similar claims.

 

[Traitorfish]

I once knew a guy who told me that he found all black women unattractive. I could not believe it. But he insisted they were all unattractive to him, no matter whom I presented and as I pressed on, incredulous, he grew very annoyed. I don't get it to this day, but maybe this really just exists? I don't know. Still can not wrap my head around it.

I'm prepared to believe that some people find all black women unnattractive. I'm just not prepared to believe this is a judgement disconnected from their attitude towards black people in general.

I mean, own your towering personal defects, y'know?